“This Is Everybody’s Air, Sir!”

 

FADE IN

DUDE

Mam, can you put your cigarette in your left hand?

LADY

What?

DUDE

The wind is blowing the smoke this way, getting it all in my nose.

LADY

Why don’t you stand on the left of me, then?

DUDE

Because the sidewalk is clear here. There’s still a lot of ice on that side. I don’t wanna *simultaneously pretends to slip while saying dialogue* whoa whoa whoaaaaaa!

LADY

*takes puff of cigarette and blows kiss that leaves smoke circle in air* Are you gonna catch it?

DUDE

What, the kiss or the lung cancer? No, thank you, to both. It doesn’t matter. Here comes the bus!

The LADY flicks the cigarette. The two board the bus. As they head to the back, DUDE accidentally steps on a passenger’s shoes. 

DUDE

My bad!

BOYFRIEND

It’s okay.

GIRLFRIEND

Your feet too big, baby.

BOYFRIEND

And your head too big to be laying on my bad shoulder.

GIRLFRIEND

No, no, stop, let me lay my head down. You know I need my power nap before work, now.

BOYFRIEND

Nope, nope, nope.

GIRLFRIEND

You know, I can’t lay my head in your lap. How would that look?

BOYFRIEND

Ughhh! Heeahh *bounces shoulder*

GIRLFRIEND

You love your Gina!

GIRLFRIEND lays head on BOYFRIEND’s shoulder and closes her eyes. A man wearing a hoodie boards the bus with a backpack. He sits backpack down and pays fare.

BOYFRIEND

*thinks to self* Did he forget he left his backpack right there? Why would he sit his backpack at the front and go to the back? He gone have to move it if somebody come on with bags of groceries. Why is he standing up? Plenty of seats.

The mystery man pulls the cord. 

BOYFRIEND

*thinks to self* He getting off already? He could have walked here!

The mystery man gets off the bus where he was standing, at the back doors. The BOYFRIEND looks in the front, at the backpack. 

BOYFRIEND

*thinks to self* He left his …

The BOYFRIEND turns around, looks out window and sees the mystery man running. 

BOYFRIEND

Whoa, bus-driver, this our stop, too!

GIRLFRIEND

*opens eyes* We here, already?

BOYFRIEND

Come on, baby!

GIRLFRIEND

This not our stop!

BOYFRIEND

Baby, come on!

GIRLFRIEND

What you doing?

BOYFRIEND

We getting off! Come on!

GIRLFRIEND

I gotta be at work in 20 minutes!

BOYFRIEND

You not going today.

GIRLFRIEND

What you mean I’m not going? I can’t miss no more days or be late for the next 8 weeks or I’m gone be fired!

BUS DRIVER

Is this y’all stop?

BOYFRIEND

Yeah, I’m sorry! Come on, baby!

GIRLFRIEND

I’m not coming nowhere!

The BOYFRIEND grabs her by the waist and carries her off on his shoulder. He holds her in a hugging position as the bus takes off. 

GIRLFRIEND

Wait! Let me go, Sean! Stop! You gone make me late! Stop! You gone get me fired!

She accidentally sticks him in the eye with a nail while she is hitting him upside the head. The BOYFRIEND hunches over in pain, rubbing his eye. As she is running after the bus, it explodes. She falls to her knees and breaks down crying. The BOYFRIEND runs to her, falls to his knees and hugs her. 

FADE TO BLACK

Why you think the BOYFRIEND didn’t wanna alert everyone on the bus something might be wrong?

 

  

Walmart Opens First Store In New York (The Refrigerator Basket)

 

Guide Leaf

Get up on this Nguyen Art situation. He dedicated a post to me after I asked how to draw someone walking and turning their head, and laying in leaves. Look what I did below …

 

Valley Stream is the closes Wal-Mart will get to the five boroughs (Queens) after more than half of the City Council were arrested at the aforementioned location, according to the other 25 members.

When Wal-Mart announced in May 2014 that they donated $3 million in 2013 to local charities like the New York Women’s Foundation and Bailey House, 26 of the 51 council members saw the donations as a scheme to gain entry into the city’s market, from which it has been blocked for more than a decade by union opposition, and sent the retail giant a cease and desist letter.

Wal-Mart replied to the letter with an invitation to shop at its nearest location, Long Island, with the CEO, Doug McMillion, as the tour guide himself. After being rejected for six months, it was finally accepted when Wal-Mart juiced up the letter with an offer the Council couldn’t refuse. That if they weren’t totally satisfied with their shopping experience, Wal-Mart would abandon all hope and cease with their attempts of expanding into the Big Apple.

An offer too good to refuse.

The Council seemed to have picked the worse day to shop on, as the store sent all their shopping carts away to be sanitized after closing the previous night. Researchers found that 72 percent of the shopping cart handles had traces of feces on them. McMillion insisted this was a good thing, and persuaded them to use refrigerators as grocery baskets.

During checkout, a few disturbing trends were taking place. One, all 26 council members were in the same line. Two, the other 22 lanes were closed. Three, the girl checking them out just started. Four, Chin, the first member in line noticed councilman 14 and back were eating before purchase. Five, Bramer, the last member in line noticed councilman 13 and up were being handcuffed for not having enough money for their groceries. He thought this was absurd and tried to step out of line to put some of his food back when a cop jumped in his path and reminded him of Wal-Mart’s Checkout Promise. That once you are in line you are committed to purchase, and getting out of line to restock items instead of to clean the shelf is grounds for immediate arrest.

McMillion hyped up the ‘Everyday Low Price Guarantee’ so good that every member left their wallets and purses at home. All the dough we had was the $200 gift card he had given us at the outset,” said councilman Vacca.

City investigators conclude what forced the council members to spend so much beyond their $200 limit (upwards of $1,800) was the refrigerator itself. “Grocery baskets are like suitcases. Most people don’t know how to pack them. When you’re just throwing stuff in there without care for saving space, things will spill over. And you’re going to foolishly think you have a lot.  And when the clerk is double bagging candy bars, your thousand dollar grocery bill can make sense. It’s not until you get home and spread your food across the refrigerator, the pantry, and underneath the bed, that you realize just how little you have. You’re supposed to feel scammed at home. Not inside the store,” said lead detective Wayne Bruce. “McMillion knew no matter how many things the councilmen put in their refrigerator it would still seem empty because of how neatly they organized the items,” he continued.

Although, the 26 only spent an hour in jail before being bailed out by the other 25 members, the City Council, in a new scathing letter, has launched an all out war on Wal-Mart, stating, “The next time workers protest in front of Alice Walton’s home their picket signs will be Warhols, Rothkos and Pollocks.”

FullSizeRender

… I got a pen and paper and spent my idle time at work sketching what Nguyen drew. He made drawing seem so easy that I gained a ton of confidence. I can’t believe it only took one sheet of paper considering I drew it with a pen, and this being my first time drawing in a while. This is a preview of my own comic titled “The Leaf People.”

 

Built on top of:

Have you ever had to ask the kids “Did y’all get everything out the car?” when you looked in the refrigerator after having a grocery basket full of stuff?

The Parking Lot Cheater

Reading Guide:

  • Narration (descriptive actions) is align left, italicized, and written in present tense.
  • Dialogue is centered; Character NAMES are always CAPITALIZED.
  • Slug line: Occurs at start of every new scene. Consists of three parts: INT/EXT is short for interior and exterior; Part two consists of location. And three, time of day. Example: INT. HARNEW MANSION – AFTERNOON
  • Sometimes I use *asterisks or [brackets] to describe specific character actions.
  • Unlike the other 3 concepts, I never include photos with Episodes because the action and dialogue will help visualize what’s taking place.
  • Words in parenthesis underneath character names is the way the person delivered the dialogue.

 

FADE IN

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt at storefront. Man jumps out car, sprints towards entrance and jerks handle on door. It’s locked. Employee inside store does a cross hand motion, signaling they are closed for the day. From the entrance, the man talks to someone in the car he hopped out of.

ZACK

They’re closed.

CARL

I thought they close at 7 on Sundays?

As ZACK walks back toward the car, something in the parking lot catches his attention.

CARL

What’s wrong?

ZACK

That, that looks like my wife’s car.

CARL

You know how many black Jeep Cherokees there are in the city? You just miss your wife, dude! She’ll be back from vacation in a few days.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt in parking space. Aerial camera view shows ZACK and CARL sprinting toward store, however, The CUT only shows CARL entering.

INT. STORE – NIGHT

ANNOUNCER

Good evening customers! This is just a special announcement to let you know the store will be closing in approximately 20 minutes.

CARL

You hear that, Zack? *turns around* Zack?

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

CARL exits the store to find ZACK still in the parking lot, staring at some vehicle.

CARL

Zack! Zack … what are you doing?

ZACK

This car looks just like Jenny’s car.

CARL

She’s out of town!

INT. STORE – NIGHT

CLERK

Will that be all for you, sir?

CARL

No mam, my friend has the rest of the stuff. *mumbles* Where is he?

CLERK

Is that him?

CARL

Zack, where is the rest of the stuff, man?

ZACK

I knew I was forgetting something!

CARL

What have you been doing? The store is closing in 80 seconds!

ZACK

I have been outgoing, talking to the other 3 customers in the store. Don’t you know neither of them drive a black Jeep Cherokee? I even asked the employees.

CLERK

You haven’t asked me.

ZACK

Do …

CLERK

No!

ZACK

CLERK

30 seconds.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt in parking space. As ZACK and CARL are sprinting toward the store, ZACK stops dead in his tracks and stares at some vehicle. CARL catches him this time.

CARL

Not again, man!

ZACK

Gimme the keys!

CARL

Why? The store is closing in 10 minutes!

ZACK

We can get it somewhere else! Gimme the keys! I’m driving!

CARL

Where are we going?

ZACK drives to the first parking lot they were at 2 days ago.

ZACK

See!

CARL

See, what?

ZACK

The black Jeep Cherokee is not here.

CARL

Fool, don’t you think whoeverrrrrr, and I do mean to put extra R’s on it, car that was they wouldn’t have left it in this parking lot?

ZACK

Because they moved it to the other parking lot!

ZACK drives to the second parking lot.

ZACK

No black Jeep Cherokee, again!

CARL

Gimme my keys, Zackary!

ZACK

The same black Jeep Cherokee, 3 different parking lots, all stores were closing, what are the odds?

CARL

I’m calling your wife on you, and telling her how much you miss her, and to tell her to hurry up and bring her ass home ’cause her husband is driving his best friend crazy with all these damn conspiracy theories!

ZACK

Call her? That’s a good idea! Gimme your phone!

CARL

My phone?!

ZACK

Yeah, because if I call on mines that gives her a reason not to pick up. Plus, I wanna see if she answers the phone with a pet name. *gives CARL weird look*

CARL

*shocked face* I been with …

ZACK

Shh… shh… it’s ringing.

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Heyyyy Jenny!

JENNY

Who is this?

ZACK

You don’t know the voice of the man who you have been married to for 8 years?

JENNY

Zack?

ZACK

Is that a question?

JENNY

Whose number are you calling from?

ZACK

*whispers to CARL* She’s not sleeping with you. *puts hand up to high-five CARL*

CARL

*puts up high-five hand, but as his was about to clap ZACK’s, he turns his palm around and puts up  middle finger*

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Hey, honey. Why is this asshole just sitting here? The light is green, moron! Honk your horn, honey.

JENNY

Me or you?

ZACK

You, silly.

JENNY

What are you talking about?

ZACK

Honk your horn.

JENNY

Why would I do that? Besides it’s a cop in front of me. I’m not honking anything.

ZACK

*frustrated look* I got it. *sings* Aye! Aye! Aye! Ya don’t like! Aye! Aye! Aye! Ya don’t like!

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Is that Santigold I hear in your background? Turn that up, baby!

JENNY

I’m not listening to the radio. Besides how would I hear you if I turn up.

ZACK

*whispers to CARL* This girl good.

ZACK (CONT’D)

I’ll just see you when you get home, sweetie.

JENNY

I love you!

ZACK

I love YouTube!

INT. ZACK AND JENNY’S HOME – DAY

The next day JENNY comes home.

JENNY

Honey, I’m home!

ZACK comes from out the kitchen and quickly approaches JENNY. She holds out her arms in anticipation of hug. But as ZACK gets near, he snatches the keys out her hand.

ZACK

I need to use your car, sweetie. Mines is orange and stuff. Nice tan!

JENNY

EXT. DRIVEWAY – DAY

MAILMAN

Pardon me, sir. This is my first time delivering mail in this neighborhood, and I’m confused. Is your address 2357?

ZACK

Yeah, of course! *points at house* Doesn’t that say 2357?

MAILMAN

Yeah, of course! *points at neighbor’s house* Doesn’t that say 2357?

ZACK

What the … ?

Zack walks over to his NEIGHBOR house and rings doorbell. The MAILMAN follows closely behind.

NEIGHBOR

Zack, buddy.

ZACK

What happened to your address?

NEIGHBOR

*laughs* Did I get you?

ZACK

NEIGHBOR

I’m sorry. I knew we was getting a new mailman and just wanted to play a prank on him.

NEIGHBOR steps on porch.

NEIGHBOR

These are cut-outs.

NEIGHBOR peels the numbers off revealing his real address. ZACK walks off in disapproval of the prank, gets in his wife’s car, and looks at the odometer.

ZACK

75, 315. She wasn’t … she wasn’t cheating on me.

INT. ZACK AND JENNY’S HOME – DAY

Zack walks in, sees Jenny unpacking, hugs her from behind, and whispers in her ear …

ZACK

Let me help you with that!

JENNY

I thought you needed to borrow the car.

ZACK

It can wait.

JENNY

[smiles]

ZACK

[smiles] How was your trip?

3 MONTHS LATER

A black Jeep Cherokee pulls up in driveway. Horn honks. People come outside. Driver sticks head out window.

OLD WOMAN

Boy, who you car-jack?

GUY

Nobody, grandma! I just bought it from this nice lady.

OLD WOMAN

Boy, how much you pay for that thang?

GUY

Eighteen-hundred, grandma.

OLD WOMAN

I bet that car got over a hundred thousand miles on it. *laughs*

GUY

Oh, that’s the best part!

GUY shows OLD WOMAN the odometer. Camera zooms in. It reads 2,357.

FADE TO BLACK

Wal-Mart Opens First Store in New York (The Refrigerator Basket): Friday, the 13th

The Leaf People (Comic): Next Saturday, Valentines

 

 

 

 

 

Moving Mannequins

Semi-biographical

FADE IN

EXT. AVENUE – NIGHT

A man steps off the bus, wearing glasses, hoodie over his head, backpack on his chest. As he is getting closer to his destination, he sees 3 white men wearing yellow shirts with ‘Event Staff’ on the back. A couple of feet away from them, he sees a black guy trying to get their attention. The man steps off the sidewalk when he crosses paths with the Event Staffers, as they were obstructing his path.

EVENT STAFFER 1

How you doing, sir?

THE MAN

EVENT STAFFER 2

(whispering)

His hand.

EVENT STAFFER 3

(whispering)

See.

He steps back on the sidewalk and crosses the black guy.

BLACK GUY

You got your glasses on, don’t it?

THE MAN

BLACK GUY

Aye, one of them white boys called you a Ni**er! You heard it? I know you heard it, bruh.

THE MAN

The man stops walking and looks up at the high-rise building to his left and sees someone peeking out their blinds. They exchange glares for 5 seconds then the man continues walking.

DISSOLVE 

The black guy wanders aimlessly in a nearby park. He hears leaves crunching behind him. He turns around and sees 3 people jogging along the track. He notices they are wearing bright yellow shirts. He thinks they chose that color to help them be seen, as the park doesn’t have light poles. As they get closer, the black guy steps to the side to clear the trail. But when they cross his path, they stop and beat him within an inch of his life. Before they vanish, they place a cellphone in his palm.When the man regains consciousness a few minutes later, he calls 911. 

An aerial camera view shows 3 police cars pull up to the house where the 3 white men were doing event staffing. As the 3 white guys are getting arrested, an ambulance speeds by, presumably on their way to the park or rushing the black guy to the hospital. 

The aerial camera view turns out to be the POV from a balcony of a high-rise apartment building nearby. A man is sitting on a bench with a mannequin on his left and right side. All 3 are wearing yellow shirts. He holds a pair of binoculars to each mannequins eyes so they can see the events going on below. He pretends one of the mannequins says something to him.

THE MAN

I don’t need binoculars. I got glasses, don’t it? Bob, hand me that wet towel so I can get this shit off my face, will you? Gimme that! And Tom, why do you still have your hands on my hips? Get off!

He disconnects something that conjoined them. The man grabs the towel from the mannequin’s hands and takes a swipe at his forehead, revealing darker skin. He was wearing white make-up. He then throws the towel on the camera lens.

FADE TO BLACK

Publishing my first comic since June 2012 on Valentines.

“What Did Big Girl Put In Snickers Home How Old Is Tupac Dead Guy”

 

 

FADE IN

INT. TAX OFFICE – NIGHT

Flatulence. Tax Man quietly reads the ingredients on the back of a Babe Ruth. As he unwraps the candy, it falls between his thighs, in the toilet. He jumps up. 

TAX MAN

Oh shit! Which one is which? 5 second rule, 5 second rule, 5 second rule. 4, 3, 2, THIS ONE! Yup, yup, roasted pea-

Tax Man hears knocking on the store’s door. He investigates.

CUSTOMER

Y’all closed? 

TAX MAN

No sir! We open. Just had the door locked while I was in the back.

CUSTOMER

[pulls handle] You gonnnneee … open it?

TAX MAN

[looks at watch. It’s 8PM. He notices the customer doesn’t have papers in his hand. He looks back at the customer’s car and sees a woman in the driver seat. She smiles. He smiles back.] Yeah, I’m gone open it. What is wrong with me? So how can I help you today?

CUSTOMER

I was wondering could y’all print off my 2013 W2.

TAX MAN

I’m new, and not sure. Let me make a call to my supervisor. Hold on!

SUPERVISOR

Hello.

TAX MAN

Yeah, I got a customer who wants to print off his 2013 W2. Is that in my abilities?

SUPERVISOR

I could walk you through it over the phone, but it’s gone take over 20 minutes. It’s best he goes to another location. Ask him does he live in the area.

TAX MAN

Sir, do you stay around the neighborhood?

CUSTOMER

Yeah.

TAX MAN

Yeah.

The SUPERVISOR gives the TAX MAN directions to a nearby store. Like something whispered into the thousandth ear, the TAX MAN says the directions wrong, which prompts the SUPERVISOR to say … 

SUPERVISOR

May I talk to him?

TAX MAN

Uhhh … yeah.

When TAX MAN hands CUSTOMER his phone, he turns around and walks towards the door, as if leaving. 

TAX MAN

*thinking* The hell?!?!

TAX MAN walks ahead CUSTOMER and stands to the side of the entrance in an inconspicuous fighting stance. CUSTOMER stops and talks to the SUPERVISOR. As he is getting the directions, he constantly smiles and says, “Yes mam.”  Anticipating the end of their conversation, the TAX MAN continuously raises his hand to get his phone back. 

CUSTOMER

Okay, thank you.

CUSTOMER hands TAX MAN his phone and walks out. TAX MAN immediately locks door. After the TAX MAN watches the car pull out the parking lot, he presses and holds the home button on his phone. 

TAX MAN

Siri, why didn’t you tell me to put it on speakerphone? I almost had to punch that guy!

SIRI

Okay! Here’s what I found on the web for ‘What did big girl put in Snickers home how old is Tupac dead guy.’

FADE TO BLACK

“Kids, I’m Not Carjacking Y’all, Ohh-tay?”

 

 

FADE IN

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man is walking away from a store. In the parking lot, he opens the passenger-side door on a car. He sees two kids in the backseat.

MAN

Oh, I’m sorry!

WOMAN

(screaming)

Hey! What are you doing?

MAN

I’m sorry, I thought this was my ….

WOMAN

(screaming)

He’s trying to steal my car with my babies inside!

MAN

What? No! I thought this was …

The woman pulls a gun out of her purse and runs in their direction. The man jumps on the hood of her car to get an overview of the parking lot in search of his ride. He doesn’t see it. When he looks down at the windshield he notices the woman left the keys in the ignition. The woman fires a shot at him. She misses. In a panic and without another choice, he jumps in her car and drives off.

MAN

Kids, kids, I’m not carjacking y’all. I. Am. Not. Carjacking. Y’all. Okay?

CHILD 1

Ohh-tay.

The woman shoots at the rear end of the car.

MAN

[pokes head out window] Your kids are in the car, you asshole!

The man pulls out his cellphone. 

FRIEND

Hello.

MAN

Where the hell are you?

FRIEND

I went across the street to pay my T-Mobile bill. I’m on my way back now.

MAN

I’m not there!

FRIEND

What you mean?

MAN

After you left, a car that looked just like yours pulled up in the parking spot.

FRIEND

That’s crazy!

MAN

I thought it was yours and opened the door. This woman came out the store screaming I was stealing her car.

FRIEND

Where are you now?!

MAN

In her car!!!

FRIEND

Huh?

MAN

She shot at me!

FRIEND

Shit!

MAN

There are kids in the backseat, dude!

Police sirens sound off. 

MAN

She called the cops! Meet me at MLK boulevard, where Selma hospital is. Kids …

CHILD 2

Yaaa?

MAN

I did not carjack y’all.

CHILD 1

Ohh-tay.

The man pulls over. The camera is from his POV now. He puts his hands over his eyes. When he takes his hands off his eyes the scene transitions with him sitting on the curb running his hands through his hair, thus finishing the motion. A second cop car pulls up, with the woman riding as a passenger. 

WOMAN

Where are my kids, you bastard?

OFFICER

They’re over there with my partner, mam.

WOMAN

Why is he just sitting on the curb and not in the back of y’all car? Arrest him!

OFFICER

We want to see if his story checks out. He said you and his friend have the same car. You got the same parking spot he had when he drove off to another parking lot.

MAN

She shot at me!

WOMAN

You believe that bull?

OFFICER

I’m sure this is a big misunderstanding,  but if your friend doesn’t pull up in a car that is her car’s twin you are going to jail, my friend.

MAN

I’m not lying! I told him to meet me here.

OFFICER

He’s taking an awful long time to. What’s his name?

A dozen people riding bicycles pass by. The one trailing behind the group stops and takes off their helmet. It’s his friend. 

MAN

FRIEND

Sorry, I’m late! You not gone believe what happened when I came back to the parking lot. Some guy saw my ‘for sale’ sign in the window and paid me 3 times what I was asking for. Then hit me with the ‘and one more thing’ and guess what that one more thing was [bounces the front tire]. Isn’t that awesome?

MAN

[looks at the sky] Nooooooo!!!

The scream is heard throughout the city. Distant people turn their heads. Flock of birds fly off. A dog laying down covers its ears. The guy who bought the friend’s car is at a red-light, smiling, listening to music at a low-level and wiping the dust off the dashboard when suddenly all the windows burst.  

FADE TO BLACK