The best short letters from #Twitter …
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the cup of water. I drank it - The Opportunist
Dear boys, When a girl says “I’m Fine” talk to her until the real truth comes out
Dear future husband , I love you <3
Dear sidewalk, Please get wider. Sincerely, 3rd friend walking behind feeling excluded.
Dear Monday… Please don’t come yet… I’m still not ready to go back to the “stressful world of school work”…
Dear sweetheart, don’t lose hope, don’t lose faith. You know that Allah is always there with you.
Dear world, I DONT LIVE FOR U I LIVE IN U SO STOP TRYNA FUCC MY LIFE UP AIGHT
Dear followers, I don’t care if you’re black, white, asian, fat, skinny, tall, short, gay, lesbian… I love you for who you are. ♥”
Dear Past, F**k you. Dear Future, I’m on my way, ain’t nothin’ stoppin’ me.
Dear hoes, There’s a difference between “you make me sweat” and “you make me SO wet”
dear stress, i so hate u! I now have pimples bec of u.pls stay away!
Dear Crush, I won’t give my heart to anyone but if you’re brave enough, you can try to steal it.
“Dear dad, please work hard so I can go to California.” Love, Tony Kiedis.
#Past, Stop tapping on my shoulders, I’m no more interested in lukng at u….
Dear fever, can you please break and go away and not come back? Sincerely, tired of random fevers
Dear anyone considering suicide: Please dont give up. You are needed. You are wanted. You are important. You are loved. You are beautiful. ♥
Dear Slut, Too bad there isn’t a “Clear History” button for your vagina
Dear bread, I’m hot, turned on, and want you inside me. Sincerely, the toaster.
Dear Sluts, Maybe it’s about time your Left Leg should meet your Right Leg.
Dear b!tch, my middle finger gets a boner every time I think of you.
Dear Twitter, please let me study now. Sincerely, Me.
Dear boys, If you don’t look like Calvin Klein models, don’t expect us to look like Victoria’s Secret Angels. Sincerely, girls.
Dear Girls, Bruno Mars may take 1 grenade for you but we take hundreds. Sincerely, the army.
Dear Phone Companies, Please make all phones have the same phone charger. Sincerely, At my friend’s house with dead phone battery.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what’s your plan?
Dear Bestfriend, please stay in my life forever because you’re one of the best things to ever happen to me. Love, me.
Dear Yahoo, I’ve never heard someone say “I don’t know, lets yahoo it!” just saying. Sincerely, Google”
Dear Parents, Thanks for giving me such a weird name. Sincerely, My Name Is Never On Those Customized Keychains.
Dear sad songs , thank you for making me cry when i want to cry.
Dear Students, I know when you’re texting. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, Observant teacher
Dear music, thanks for being there for me when no one was.
Dear christmas, Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away. Bella died and Jacob cried, Potter all the way. Sincerely, best carol ever.
Dear Congress, time to focus on real issues. Like jail time for anyone who makes oatmeal cookies that look like chocolate chip.
Dear Facebook, I heard Twitter’s replacing you. Hell yeah, karma’s a b*tch! Sincerely, MySpace.
Dear math teacher, I don’t care what f(x) is. Sincerely, f(you).
Dear Glee, I’m pretty sure cheerleaders don’t wear their uniforms 24/7. Sincerely, An actual high school student.
Dear Bio, Please don’t ask me to explain about myself. Sincerely, None of your business.
Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.
Dear exes ..just because i’m being nice to you, that doesn’t mean I want you back..you’re just a used toys
Dear biology revision, come Thursday you’ll be origami piggies. Sincerely I can’t do biology anyway
Dear time, please keep calm. You make this 6-months happens as fast as like I blink my eyes in a second. Sincerely, I just wanna breathe.
Dear brain,pls accept the infos,I know that u and logic had hard times b4 but its time to forgive & accept logic’s apology do this for me?
Dear heart, fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Sincerely, single woman.
Dear girls, please bring your own jackets. We get cold too. Sincerely, boyfriends” -.-”
dear guys : if you can lay down to make a baby, stand up and be the daddy
Dear Stress, you have overstayed your welcome. Sincerely, please vacate the premises immediately. Thank you.
Dear Liver, you will be happy to know I am giving you a rest today, but be aware, tomorrow I will need you working again, Sincerely. Alcoholic
Dear fridge, I’ll be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, hungry as hell.
Dear Justin Bieber, I think our relationship has finally reached the point where you should learn about my existence. Sincerely, Me.
Dear Monday, why do you exist? Sincerely, everybody hate you.
Dear Sneeze, if you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look on my face and leave it at that. Sincerely, I look like an idiot.
Dear teamjumpers please dont change to ur team Giants now…we came this far without u so we dont need u now..Thanks!
Dear Martin Luther King Jr, I thank God U stood up 4 what was right. U DIDNT do it through war or hate. U fought w/LOVE & shook-up a nation!
Dear radio, is it necessary for you to play a song I like when I arrive at my destination?
Dear guys, if you like a girl don’t make her start the conversation, cause then she worries she’s being annoying. Sincerely, every girl
Dear girls,stop looking for security in men and start looking for it in your creator. You’re beautiful, don’t let people tell you otherwise
Dear girls, every calorie is not a war. You are beautiful no matter what you eat.
Dear Santa .. I’ve been good all year. OK most of the time. Once in a while. F^ck it ill buy my own shit.
Dear whoever is reading this, you’re beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Dear peanut butter, it’s time. Sincerely, Jelly
Dear internet, Please stop being so awesome. Sincerely, I need to sleep.
Dear Twitter, Thanks for killing my cell phone battery on a daily basis. Sincerely, Everyone
Dear girl with too much makeup on, Were you gang banged by a box of crayons? Sincerely, I have no words
Dear Gangsters, If it’s any motivation at all, u have a much higher chance outrunning the cops if u pull up ur pants. Sincerely, Hopeful.
Dear teenage girls, Just because it covers your butt doesn’t mean it’s a dress. Sincerely, I’m pretty sure that’s a t-shirt
Dear driver who won’t let the ambulance pass, You’re a douche. What if that was ur dying mother in the back? Sincerely, watch out for karma.
Dear Dora, Please come home. We haven’t seen you for weeks. We should never have given you that damn monkey. Sincerely, your worried parents
Dear human, You get mad at me if I wake you, you get mad at me if I don’t. Sincerely, cofused alarm clock.
Dear Elephant, I may have two boobs on my back but at least I don’t have a penis on my face. Sincerely, Camel.
Dear Crazy People, I’m not going to blow this grocery store up, I just need some salad. Sincerely, an American Muslim.
Dear Facebook, It’d be nice if you could stop telling me to add the girl my ex-bf cheated on me with. Sincerely, still trying to get over it.
Dear women of the world, Since you all claim to hate me so much, I guess it won’t bother u if I’m a bit late, right? Sincerely, your period.
Dear followers who wants to hear a joke, I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. Sincerely, oh wait…
Dear God, Please give us Heath Ledger back, we’ll let you have Robert Pattinson. Sincerely, anonymous
Dear algebra, Can’t wait to use you in the real world! Sincerely, oh wait.
Dear Diets, Hahahahahaha! Sincerely, The Holidays.
Dear butt and thighs, Please share the wealth a little. Sincerely, boobs
Dear toilet at friend’s house, Please flush. Please flush. Please flush. Please flush!! Sincerely, nervous.
Dear overweight people, Do double chins run in your family? Sincerely, oh wait, nothing runs in your family.
Dear Unicorns, That’s what you get for rejecting my friend request on Facebook. Sincerely, Noah
Dear therapist, I might actually go see you if your job title didn’t spell out “the rapist.” Sincerely, not laying down
Dear Pringles man, Are we related? Sincerely, the Monopoly man.
Dear fruits and vegetables, We’re bi. Sincerely, tomatoes.
Dear 2012, they’re YOUR problem now. Good luck! Sincerely, 2011.
Dear boyfriend, Last night my calculus homework was hard and I did it on the table. I hope you’re not mad… Sincerely, girlfriend.
Dear Milk, You make me wet. Sincerely, Cereal
Dear boobs, Nice try. Sincerely, a gay cop.
Dear idiot parking, The way you pulled in makes me wish your dad had pulled out. Sincerely, you’re taking up two spots
Dear pissed off person, It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on. Sincerely, look on the bright side
Dear people who call me too quiet, No, I just don’t like you. Sincerely, trust me, you’d rather I didn’t say anything.
Dear Christmas songs, Please stop. Sincerely, Can’t get you out of my head.
Dear Pencil, I put you down like 2 seconds ago… Sincerely, not in the mood to play hide and seek.
Dear damned souls, Thanks for not reading the Terms and Conditions on your iTunes installation. Sincerely, Satan.
Dear Parents, I stay up late, have a messy room, live on my laptop.. but I DON’T get wasted or do drugs. Sincerely, chill out please.
Dear keyboard, They may touch you, but they can’t take their eyes off of me. Sincerely, monitor
Dear Video, Stop with the buffering every six seconds! Sincerely, It’s. Like. Watching. It. Like. This.
Dear restroom, you’re not just a bathroom. You’re a place to talk, gossip, cry, and escape class. Sincerely, girls
Dear boyfriend, your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, girlfriend.
Dear Unfollowers, I get it. You obviously can’t handle seeing my swag all over your timeline.
Dear Men, Quit being cocky. No one gives a damn about your earthworm and bean bags. Sincerely, Boobs get more followers
Dear People Who Write on the Bathroom Stall, I don’t care who you ‘heart.’ Sincerely, Just Tryin to Pee
Dear Mailman, sorry for taking your job, no hard feelings? Sincerely, e-mail.
Dear prostitutes, If I have sex with you and don’t pay, is that rape or shoplifting? Sincerely, curious
Dear mom, When you overheard me saying “the climax is always the best part” I was talking about books, not sex. Sincerely, still a virgin.
Dear boy I met last night, Thanks for texting me this morning telling me you want to get lost in my blue eyes. Sincerely, they’re brown…
Dear Girls, We hate periods too. Sincerely, Commas.
Dear white people, Please narrate your own lives. Sincerely, Morgan Freeman.
Dear people on the bus, Your backpack does not need its own seat. Sincerely, standing up.
Dear bitch, you know what H.I.M stands for? It stands for HE IS MINE. Sincerely, back off!
Dear friends who text me at 3 am asking if I’m sleeping, No, I’m freaking skydiving. Sincerely, go to bed
Dear Men, If you’re going to watch porn, at least learn from it. Sincerely, Unsatisfied Women Everywhere.
Dear Dyslexics, Your bad spelling turns me on. Sincerely, Spell check
Dear drivers, honk if you love God. Text while driving if you want to meet Him. Sincerely, pay attention
Dear slutty girls, STDs aren’t like pokemon, you’re not suppose to catch’em all. Sincerely, anonymous
Dear Division, Do it. I dare you. Sincerely, Zero.
Dear stomach, I know I am full, but the food still tastes good.
Dear Board of Education, so are we. Sincerely, students everywhere.
Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my “M” back….. you know, since you’re not using it. Sincerely, _usic.
Dear Pringles Consumer, Our Cans are designed that way for a reason… Sincerely, if your hand doesn’t fit, then it’s time to stop!
Dear Face Wash Commercials, Nobody Actually Splashes Their Face With Water Like That. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet -.-
Dear dude sitting next to me, I can see you copying my test…. Sincerely, joke’s on you, I didn’t study either.
dear charlie sheen, only 2 ladies? pshh, thats not “winning” sincerely, tiger woods.
Dear people searching for unicorns, We do exist. We’re just fat and grey. Sincerely, Rhinos.
Dear People, No, I don’t have bad handwriting. I have my own font. Sincerely, Get used to it
Dear Twitter, Thank you for making me the most overused symbol on the keyboard. Sincerely, #
Dear Twitter, Please change the name “Followers” into Curious Observers. Sincerely, It’s creepy
Dear Women, Makeup can make u look pretty on the outside, but it won’t help if u’re ugly on the inside. Sincerely, Unless u eat the makeup.
Dear People, Skinny jeans and fat genes don’t go well together. Sincerely, Annoyed
Dear life, When I said “can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry for the tears. Dear Heart, sorry for the damage. Dear Brain, you were right.
Dear Windshield Wipers, Can’t touch this. Sincerely, That Little Annoy Triangle.
Dear Birds, My car is not an expensive bird toilet! Sincerely, Annoyed.
Dear teacher, I talk no matter where I am. Moving my seat will not help. Sincerely, talkactive student
Dear heart, please stop getting all up in my business. Your job is to pump blood, that’s it. Sincerely, brain
Dear spell check, You’ll never find me here. Sincerely, writing in a notebook
Dear Freezer, I get so hard for you. Sincerely, Water.
Dear Chuck Norris, screw you. I can grill burgers under water. Sincerely, Spongebob Squarepants.
Dear white crayon, What is it that you do here… exactly? Sincerely, the other crayons.
Dear Giraffe, Sorry, I didn’t mean to pull that hard. Sincerely, God.
Dear spoon, I really don’t give a fork. Sincerely, knife.
Dear teachers who hate children, Why did you pick this career? Sincerely, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t for the pay.
Dear Love, People say that they can’t live without you. I personally think I’m more important. Sincerely, Oxygen.
Dear “life is short”, actually that’s the longest thing we do on earth. Sincerely, sick huh?
Dear movie, when did that happen? Sincerely, authors.
Dear black construction paper, thank you for giving me a reason to exist. Sincerely, the white crayon.
Dear homework, they may be doing you, but all they think about is me. Sincerely, summer.
Dear person who copied & pasted someone else’s tweet. I’m right here. Sincerely, Retweet button
Dear smartphones, why can’t you charge yourself? Sincerely, you’re not so smart after all.
Dear letters, Please stay in the alphabet. Sincerely, an algebra student.
Dear campus officer wearing short shorts and riding a bicycle. Thanks for not making me feel safer at all.
Dear girls who take a pic in slutty clothing & glasses & label the caption “nerddd lol” You’re not a nerd, you’re a whore who found glasses.
Dear Dracula, Remember that night 9 months ago? Yeah… Umm… well we have a son. His name is Edward. Sincerely, Tinkerbell.
Dear girl with too much make-up, Someone misses coloring books, huh? Sincerely, yeah, I can see that.
Dear Mr. Monopoly and Mr. Pringles, you have such epic mustaches.
Dear guy on the dance floor “raising the roof,” you’re not raising your chances of getting laid.
Dear Bing, Please stand in line behind Yahoo. Sincerely, Google.
Dear “Money can’t buy happiness”, money can buy bubble wrap. Sincerely, you’re wrong.
Dear Boys, If a girl gets shoved into you, she likes you.
Dear Abercrombie Jean Shorts, We were here first. Sincerely, underwear
Dear future girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Dear iTunes, $1.29? Really? What is the extra $0.30 for, shipping and handling?
Dear expensive Evian bottled water, Isn’t that ‘naive’ spelled backwards? Sincerely, I see what you did there…
Dear Bill Gates, your last name is GATES so why do you sell Windows?
Dear cellphone, if only you didn’t light up so many damn times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly.
Dear Twix, Need a moment? Seriously…That’s your slogan? Give me a break. Sincerely, Kit-Kat
Dear Facebook Friends who are now getting twitter, I made a Twitter to get away from you. Sincerely, GTFO!!!
Dear math, You have too many X’s so stop being a player and choose one
Dear single people, you have 14 days till deadline. Sincerely, February.
Dear Facebook, Please add an ‘in a bromance with’ relationship option. Sincerely, Two Bros.
Dear piece of food that just fell on the floor, 5….4….3….2….1….ATTACK! Sincerely, germs.
Dear parents, Please don’t yell at me for still being up. Sincerely, I thought you wanted me to do my homework
Dear college, Please install multiple swing sets at strategic locations around campus. Sincerely, seriously needing some stress relief.
Dear Boys, Remember, cleavage is like the sun. It’s okay to take a quick look, but staring can be very dangerous. Sincerely, Girls.
Dear milk, I can only stay hard for so long when I’m inside of you. Sincerely, Oreo
Dear Apple, stop sending me emails about giving gifts for my valentine. You don’t need to remind me that I don’t have one. Sincerely,
Dear A’s, You look good on our tests…but not on our chests. Sincerely, smart and slender girls.
Dear writers on bathroom walls, Thanks for giving me reading material. Sincerely, backed up.
Dear clothes, Please stop looking so good on me in the dressing room and then looking horrible when I get you home. Sincerely, annoyed.
Dear “Would you like to save the changes you’ve made to this document?”, WHAT CHANGES?! Sincerely, officially freaked out.
Dear leg hair, Please grow as slowly as my head hair. Sincerely, pretty sure I just shaved
Dear Mini Cooper parked next to a van, Dangit! Sincerely, thought I had a spot
Dear girls, Actually, we put the “XY” in the people you find sexy. Sincerely, chromosomes
Dear cute couples on valentine’s Day, Where did you all come from?! Go be cute somewhere else. Sincerely, single and bitter