Imagine yourself in a relaxing place looking at the clock in your mind and then relaxing for one hour by THAT clock, although, only a few minutes have passed by of … “real-time.”
This meditation technique will improve your patience (time), your imagination (the relaxing place), and the Reality Distortion Field (forcing time).
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Dear Har-old, 11 was a full-house; I cut it by 7. No one from the old list survives. Here are your new cabinet members, along with their guides. Futuristically yours, Har+new
And funny things, too. She’s got one up there that says, “Slippery When Wet.”
Dear Har-old,
Us three weeks ago:
Har+new: You know what’s wrong with this blog?!
Har-old: *too scared to answer*
Har+new: It sucks! It doesn’t have any sex in it!
Scene from Demolition Man:
Lenina Huxley: I was wondering if you would like to have sex?
John Spartan: [surprised] Here? With you? Now?
Lenina Huxley: [nervously, nodding] Mm-hmm.
John Spartan: Oh yeah!
[after futuristic, contact-free "sex"]
John Spartan: Look, Huxley, why don’t we just do it the old-fashioned way?
Lenina Huxley: [stands up, shocked] Eeewww, disgusting! You mean … *fluid transfer*?
Lenina Huxley: [stamping her foot] You are a savage creäture John Spartan, and I wish for you to leave my domicile now!
Har-old, here’s an excerpt of the first conversation my now wife and I had when we first met and the topic of discussion was sex:
Her: You wanna know why the traditional woman makes a man wait for sex?
Me: Why?
Her: Because she knows the typical man will lose interest in her afterwards. And everything before sex is nothing but hyping, promoting, marketing, advertising all her non-physical qualities. Her personality, her sense of humor, her intellect, her dreams and aspirations, her creativity, her ideas of fun, her imagination, you name it. And when she’s confident in those things then she haves sex and depending on how the guy acts afterward she knows how good of a job she did with her advertising. Most men rather have sex for the first time with a different woman than have sex the second time with the same woman.
Me: I hope I like and love you SO much one day that I never want to have physical sex with you!
Her: Haha! But, I do want to have kids one day, don’t you?
Me: Yeah, but, let’s make our first child a brainchild.
So, began, a sex life built on the foundation of two quotes: Andy Warhol’s “Never doing it is very exciting.” And strippers’ “look but don’t touch” rule. What made this foundation solid was your persistence with your mind over matter (brains over beauty) philosophy when it came to the f gender. Do not stop thinking like that! Remember: The power of physicality is its potential to ruin everything. Now I’m not telling you to find the world’s smartest girl, however, the world’s ugliest girl, because physical features is the initial attraction … unless you’re online. By the way, wife is hot!
Har-old, you are NOT a John Spartan! There is no male presently living in your time who’s better prepared for futuristic, contact-free sex than you. You have po-ten-tial to master something at your age that man unconsciously puts to use in his 40′s. Notice I used po-ten-tial for you and unconsciously for them because you are fully aware of this great power. But being aware of it isn’t good enough. You must apply, constantly. Fortunate for you, you got me, to help you cheat. Read between the lines of Masturbating With Imagination, letters on patience, read The Art Of Sex Transmutation chapter, and sharpen your Eidetic memory. Most importantly, work on your child-like imagination because the future is ruled by it.
Why am I telling you this?
Because your apartment is putting you in danger!
How?
Stay tuned!
FY,
Har+new
P.S. I found my voice … again. About to sex this blog up.
Related Letters:
Dear Har-old,
Do you remember Dean Martin‘s Standing On The Corner?
I think she’s on to me.
The other day my/our wife noticed me indulging in my favorite hobby-girl watching.
She knows I’m definitely observant, a people-watcher and I’ve glanced at attractive women before. However, I think what happened the other day struck her as more than a passing glance. Maybe I’m paranoid.
I know what you’re saying, “It’s just girl watching.” Well, it’s actually more . . .
I undress women with my eyes; I stare at them long enough to picture them naked. And … I’m quite accurate! How I know? I did the same thing to her before she actually took it off and *whispers* the dimples was right there . . . the mole too.
Now before you start jumping up and down violently, screaming, “my future-self got superpowers,” I’m sure you will like to hear how you got these “superpowers.”
You simply returned to masturbating with your imagination. You know, how you first started-without any visual stimuli and with only your mind’s eye. Ha! I don’t know why I used the word simple because it wasn’t . . . at all.
Why wasn’t it simple?
Because you became dependent on visual stimuli. Yeah, that damn internet!
You found it 10x easier with porn because you didn’t have to think and you could just focus on pleasure. And those times you did “try” with your imagination again, you complained, “it doesn’t flow and I can’t focus on pleasure and my penis doesn’t get as hard.”
So, instead of jumping from the bottom of the stairs to the top, you took it one step at a time. You did it gradually. You went from video . . . picture . . . back to imagination.
Kid, you already have a vivid imagination, so use it in ALL areas.
As Mark Twain said,
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
FY,
Har+new
From my friend Peter Thomson with paraphrases from me for you, Har-old:
Think forward in time to the point where you wish you would have achieved a certain result and imagine you haven’t achieved it.
Sit down with a piece of paper answering the question, “If only I’d . . . I would have achieved it.” What are those dots?
Write whatever ideas come to mind. If your mind gives you an answer, don’t question it at this stage. You can edit later.
Reason this works so well is that it uses the two main feelings that causes us to take action, that’s pain and pleasure. The avoidance of pain and the gaining of pleasure.
If you feel like you ought to have achieved the result and you’re telling yourself you haven’t then you are strongly prompted to look for solutions.
Why?
Because you’ve triggered away motivation. Away motivation is the catalyst for action. Towards motivation prompts the continuation of action.
Another way to gain is to imagine you wanted to achieve a certain result by a certain time and that Yes! you did do it. With the positive feelings in mind, actually imagine the pleasure you will experience. Remembering you’re imagining you HAVE done it not that you will do it. Answer the question, “I did it because I’d …” What are those dots?
Again. Write down whatever your mind says.
Another way is to take a random noun. This can be picked from a dictionary or book. Ask your mind to associate that noun with the problem, opportunity or circumstances at hand. By making your mind make strange associations and connections, you will be surprised at what answers float into your consciousness. It’s reported that Edward De Bono, the man responsible for the expression, lateral thinking, used the word cheese to come up with the idea of televisions with picture-in-picture. Taking the word cheese and thinking what cheese has that t.v could have. Holes? What holes? Eventually leading to holes in the screen to see what was on the other channels.
FY,
Har+new
Let us live our lives as though all our dreams have come true then challenge reality to catch up.
Har-old, you always wanted to learn to write clearly and legibly with your left hand.
Well, why don’t you learn how to do it, but for real this time?
Consistency is key.
I’m issuing a challenge. Will you accept it?
Practice writing with your left hand.
Each day for 30 days, write one full piece of paper left-handed.
“Clearly and legibly? I will need more time,” you say.
No you won’t!
In order to speed the process, I also want you spend time each and everyday imagining you’re writing clearly and legibly at high-speed.
In your mind, your left-handed writing will look better than your right-handed writing. If the reader of this left-handed writing says, “I can’t read this. It’s totally illegible.” I want you to say, “Reality hasn’t caught up with me yet.”
Futuristically yours,
Har+new
P.S. Har-old, you can write out the letters here. Start with this one.
Dear Har-old,
American novelist Chuck Palahniuk said, “Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head.”
The Force.
Something you know you shouldn’t do. Something you know you shouldn’t say. Something you do not want to do. Something you do not want to say.
Something you talk yourself out of for the next 10 minutes … but talk yourself into in the last 10 seconds.
Irresistible. Powerful. Attractive. Convincing. Pleasurable. Tempting. Seductive.
The Force is your Achilles Heel.
The Force is that old, gray and wrinkled habit.
The Force is something that can only be killed AFTER you submit to it “one last time.”
You know, that moment when you think about what you just did.
Anger. Regret. Motivation. You’re too powerful at this moment. Now you’re a Force to be reckoned with.
But little do you know that the more you succumb to The Force, the bigger the invisible gun gets the next time in your “trying moments.”
SMOKE THIS CIGARETTE!!!
HAVE SOME CAKE!!!
WASTE YOUR MONEY GAMBLING!!!
KEEP PROCRASTINATING, DAMMIT!!!
BUY ANOTHER FREAKING DRINK!!!
PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN NOW!!!
COMPULSIVE SHOP, YOU IDIOT!!!
DID I TELL YOU TO STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE?!?!
Har-old, you know why you created me?
Because changing means NOT staying the same.
Everything you ARE, I am NOT.
So that means you either will eventually discover something or you’ve already figured out something but forgot to make it a habit.
It was the latter.
You thought of me every time your weak spot got touched.
Next time bite the hand that touches you.
Then The Force will take that gun away from the side of your head and shove it in your mouth.
Tell The Force this, “Make my day, punk!”
Har-old, bite the bullet. Eat those bullets. Then simply say, NO!
Saying NO will fire them bullets right back at The Force.
Old habits die-hard so it’s a slow death. Enjoy its pain and suffering. Hahahaha!
Futuristically yours,
Har+new
Dear Har-old,
American author Napoleon Hill wrote, “… I followed the habit of reshaping my own character, by trying to imitate the nine men whose lives and life-works had been most impressive to me.”
Here are your cabinet members:
Now your method of addressing the members of your cabinet will vary, according to the traits of character you are, for the moment, most interested in acquiring. The purpose in this is to rebuild your own character so it would represent a composite of the characters of your imaginary counselors.
Futuristically yours,
Har+new
