Tag Archives: people

Jun 18 2013

College Students Threaten Random Stabbings Over The Bachelor Degree Of Paula Cooper

Image via Twitter

Image via Twitter

They’re not collectively dropping the soap because she got “in trouble 23 times during her time in prison.”

They’re not sharpening their toothbrushes into shanks because she won’t at least spend a year in prison for each stab (33 vs. 27) on 78-year-old Bible school teacher Ruth Pelke.

They’re not taking the laces out of their shoes to strangle people because her and the other 3 girls only got away with $10 in the elderly car.

They, a 47 member (and growing!) college group from Indiana, calling themselves Ramen Noodles, are furious, she, Paula Cooper, who was released yesterday, walked out of prison with a bachelor’s degree on the taxpayer’s dime. In other words, a free education! Here are some reactions from Ramen Noodles:

She gets a bachelor’s degree in prison and I’m struggling to get financial aid. Maybe I need to stab someone!

And who do you think paid for that bachelor’s degree?! This is Bullshit!

Does she have to pay back the tens of thousands of dollars in student loans–like I (and so many other law-abiding citizens) have to pay????

I couldn’t afford to go to college. I should have just killed someone and gotten my three squares, free health care AND a college degree all at taxpayers expense!

Man, students today are stupid. Why put yourself in thousands of dollars in debt when you could just stab a woman and get a full scholarship?

i would like to know how she had the right to get a free bachelor’s degree when I have to take out student loans that need to be repaid and pay for what the grants and loans do not cover while paying for my monthly living needs and I am a law-abiding citizen.

Parents also got involved. One chimed:

Also, again I have to see how some prison inmate got a college education on my dime while my kids are struggling to pay their tuition.  I am SO sick of this!

School officials on Indiana college campuses are on high alert after Ramen Noodles threaten that if Paula Cooper doesn’t have to pay back the thousands of dollars her bachelor’s degree was worth they will start randomly stabbing people. They haven’t disclosed whether they will use butcher knives, in reminiscent of the type Cooper used on Pelke.

When we asked what would happen if she got a job (with her degree) before one of them does. Member Krusty Robinson said, “If you work at XYZ company, call in sick if you want to live.” And we’re not sure if that meant they would do the killing or Cooper would. We’ll keep you posted as this story develops!

Built on top of:

Would you join Ramen Noodles?

Feb 18 2013
Aside

Hold up the mirror. Sell people their ideal self. Appeal to their better selves. Not who they was in the past. Or, who they are now. Sell them their future-self. Motivate them. Push them to greatness. They’re standing over the edge of this mediocre building. You can pull them back by discouraging them and appealing to the basest of their character. Or, you can push them so they can fly to an elevated status. *epic pause* Push ‘em!

Unrealized Ideals

Feb 7 2013
Gallery

Who Are Your Imaginary Counselors? ***New Members***

Uncle Napo

This gallery contains 5 photos.

Dear Har-old, 11 was a full-house; I cut it by 7. No one from the old list survives. Here are your new cabinet members, along with their guides. Futuristically yours, Har+new

Benjamin Franklin
Sep 24 2011

Thirteen-week Plan

Dear Har-old,

In How I Raised Myself From Failure To Success In Selling, Frank Bettger wrote:

I seldom meet anyone who never heard of Franklin’s thirteen-week plan, but I never met anyone who has told me he tried it!

In The Autobiography Of Benjamin Franklin, Franklin wrote:

I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example, and reap the benefit.

Har-old, I will update the first-ever letter I wrote you, OMG!, and I will choose the 13 subjects which I feel are necessary or desirable for you to acquire and try to master, and I want you to give a week’s strict attention to each subject successively. In this way, you will be able to go through your entire list in thirteen weeks, and repeat the process four times in a year. Also, each subject will be followed by a brief summary. For instance, Franklin’s second subject was Silence, and his summary was, “Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”

I concluded that OMG! letter with a tagline from 43things.com, “Changing your life is hard. Doing it by yourself is harder.”

Here’s the screwed lightbulb (great idea) I had:

FY’s community will also join in on Franklin’s Thirteen-week Plan. They will list and share their thirteen subjects and summaries with you and six others of their choice. Y’all are to agree to the best way to communicate with each other. I prefer exchanging numbers because it’s more instant and direct than Twitter, Facebook or email.

This is how it will work:

Once they’ve shared their list, which will be in the order in which they plan to use it, they will assign seven people who represent the seven days of the week, to text or voicemail their subjects and summaries. This is for the subconscious. Five should be text; two should be voice mails. Har-old, you are not to or the others are not to get out-of-order meaning texting or voicing a person’s third subject during the first week, which is their first subject. Furthermore, you are only to be read or heard from once a week. No more!

At the end of every week you are to update everyone on your progress. This can either be done via a blog post, a text, an email, tweet or even phone conversation. Obviously, you can’t spread yourself to all seven people with a method like the last one-phone conversation-so again, agree on some end of the week method of updating everyone.

Har-old, writing this made me think of Dean Martin‘s Send Me The Pillow You Dream On. Listening to it now. I’m making this the theme song for this letter and the Thirteen-week Plan. Ha!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. OMG! is now updated.

P.P.S. Let me know in the comments or through the contact form if you would like to participate.

Aug 10 2011

Can My Violence Conquer Yours?

Joker to Batman in the interrogation room

Don’t talk like one of them, you’re not! Even if you’d like to be. To them, you’re just a freak – like me! They need you right now, but when they don’t … they’ll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. I’ll show you. When the chips are down, these, uh… these civilized people, they’ll eat each other. See, I’m not a monster; I’m just ahead of the curve.

Joker to Batman at the end

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

Conversation between Teddy Daniels and the Warden from Shutter Island

Warden: Did you enjoy God’s latest gift?

Teddy Daniels: What?

Warden: God’s gift. The violence (storm).

[Daniels looks at him blankly]

Warden: When I came downstairs in my home, and I saw that tree in my living room, it reached out for me like a divine hand. God loves violence.

Teddy Daniels: I … I hadn’t noticed.

Warden: Sure you have. Why else would there be so much of it? It’s in us. It’s what we are. We wage war, we burn sacrifices, and pillage and plunder and tear at the flesh of our brothers. And why? Because God gave us violence to wage in his honor.

Teddy Daniels: I thought God gave us moral order.

Warden: There’s no moral order as pure as this storm. There’s no moral order at all. There’s just this: can my violence conquer yours?

Teddy Daniels: I’m not violent.

Warden: Yes you are! You’re as violent as they come. I know this, because I’m as violent as they come. If the constraints of society were lifted, and I was all that stood between you and a meal, you would crack my skull with a rock and eat my meaty parts. Wouldn’t you?

End of conversation

Warden: If I was to sink my teeth into your eye right now, would you be able to stop me before I blinded you?

Teddy Daniels: Give it a try.

Warden: That’s the spirit.

Har-old, you are living on the edge. You have only 2 things maintaining your sanity. Only 2 things. Only TWO things … keeping you “Human” Har-old. If you lose both of those things, you will go from “Human” Har-old to “Animal” Har-old. Monday, you created a situation where you could have LOST one of them. And because the other thing is in its development stage, it would have been easy for you to lose that one too, through impatience.

Har-old, I NEED YOU to stay human and create some distance from this growl in your stomach. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR STOMACH!

How?

Add more things to the list of things keeping you sane. This can be another entrepreneurial idea, a person, money, a challenge, delivering a message, love, kids, etc.

But these things cannot be futuristic. Why? Because you are STILL impatient. So, only things that you can have RIGHT NOW.

With only 2 things maintaining your sanity, someone doesn’t have to push you off the edge, instead they can just *blow* on you.

Don’t make an impact on the sidewalk; make an impact on the world.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

Jul 3 2011

Which Letter In Team Looks Like An I To You?

Dear Har-old,

American athlete Mia Hamm said, “I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.”

Progress report.

Remember when I told you after I get a good lead in letters I would bring in other future-selves. Well, I have done a poor job. I have been busy but hey I’m not using that as an excuse. My job was to have other future-selves write letters and yours was to have their young-present-self read them. Unlike me, you have done a great job. It’s only been two months and Futuristically Yours has 60 subscribers. Meanwhile, I’ve only been able to find 6 other authors.

You won’t only have my letters to look forward to. I would like to introduce FY’s newest authors Aezora, Jennifer and Kristen. They already have letters posted. Also, look for Shae‘s resurgence.

And I know you’re calling FOUL on my Freshly Pressed Fifty Dollar Bill move. I’ll admit you got me playing catch up so I’m trying to cheat. Haha!

Now Har-old, what I’m about to say will make you think you did all that work for nothing but here it goes …

Subscribers do NOT make Futuristically Yours. Our authors do.

Now you can say I’m cheating more when I say this, but I need you to stop spending so much time getting subscribers to help me grow our authors.

Current and prospective.

I want you the first one reading and commenting on other author’s letters.

You are wasting too much time on other blogs whose author isn’t showing FY the same love back. You know who they are. No more of this!

Let’s make our authors priority.

I will still post consistently as I have been but I will start to do it strategically so our other authors will shine. For instance, if Shae post on a Tuesday and I have a letter ready to go too, I will schedule it for Wednesday instead.

Remember: Those 48 subscribers do NOT make us. The 6 authors do.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. It’s the T. Hahaha!

Grant on the 50 dollar bill
Jul 2 2011

Freshly Pressed Fifty Dollar Bill

Dear Har-old,

The following announcement is for all authors, current and prospective, everyone except for me.

To the youngster whose future-self writes them a letter that gets featured on Freshly Pressed, I will personally pay them $50 electronically. PayPal preferred.

Now Har-old … before you attempt to hit yourself so hard that I feel it, hear me out. I’m excluding you for a reason. It will be cheating if I wrote the Freshly Pressed letter. I created this. I know the format. The “secret ingredient.” The “magic formula.” I have the most letters on here which means practice makes prefect.

It may take one letter. 12 letters. 26 letters. The number doesn’t matter. The only number that matters is 50. The $50 that will be theirs, all theirs, IF their letter is the one that gets FY (Futuristically Yours) featured on Freshly Pressed.

I will make this letter here sticky so the flying cars that come crashing through here will see this when they roll down their windows.

There is no deadline; this is an ongoing offer.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

Jun 19 2011

Invisible Counselors

Dear Har-old,

American author Napoleon Hill wrote, “… I followed the habit of reshaping my own character, by trying to imitate the nine men whose lives and life-works had been most impressive to me.”

Here are your cabinet members:

  1. Janelle Monae
  2. Jesse Eisenberg’s Mark Zuckerberg
  3. Kobe Bryant
  4. Adrian Monk
  5. Heath Ledger’s Joker
  6. 50 Cent
  7. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds
  8. Max B
  9. Shawn Spencer from Psych
  10. Sean Parker (the real one and Justin Timberlake’s version)
  11. Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory
Every night before you go to sleep, I want you to shut your eyes, and see, in your imagination, this group of people seated with you around a council table. You will not only have the opportunity to sit among these people you consider great but you will actually dominate this group. That’s right, you will serve as chairman. I want you to call on your cabinet members for the knowledge you wish each to contribute, addressing yourself to each member in audible words, as follows:
  • Ms. Monae, I desire to acquire from you your fearlessness, your creativity, your “weirdness,” your individuality and your imagination. I fell in love with you when I seen Tightrope. You are the ONLY woman I will marry.
  • Eisenberg‘s Zuckerberg, I request that you pass on to me your over-ambitiousness that is on full-display in The Social Network which I seen in theaters 3 consecutive Saturdays. Saved the ticket stubs. Watched the trailer innumerable times. Bought the book the movie was based on, The Accidental Billionaires. Purchased the soundtrack. Pre-ordered the collector’s edition DVD. All of which I keep in a safe.
  • Kobe, I respect your mind more than your basketball skills. I’m actually excited to see what you will do after retirement. I desire to acquire your mental toughness, your calmness in pressure situations and competitive edge. After you won your first championship, instead of being satisfied, you spent the whole summer getting better. I want your passion.
  • Monk, I wish to learn from you how to turn my OCD into a gift instead of a curse. Also, I want you to help with my photographic memory. You are just an inspiration. You are … my favorite television character of all time.
  • Ledger‘s Joker, I wish to acquire from you your foresight, your chess-like thinking, your genius level of planning, knowledge of human behavior and unique view of the world. What was the most impressive to me about you in The Dark Knight was your ability to ALWAYS stay 12 steps ahead of Batman.
  • 50, I have been a fan of yours since late 2002. I desire to acquire from you your aggressiveness, your detachment ability and your application of The 48 Laws of Power.
  • Reid, I wish to acquire your autodidacticism, eidetic memory, your speed reading ability, and your lack of talent when it comes to talking to females. I love Criminal Minds.
  • Max, every time I’m stressed, depressed, frustrated and need to get in the mood I listen to you. You put so much pain and passion in your music. I wish to acquire from you your charisma and attitude.
  • Shawn, I request you to pass on your extraordinary powers of observation, your eidetic memory, your deduction, your sense of humor, your child-like imagination and playfulness. Psych is one of my favorite shows, man.
  • Sean, The Social Network started my interest in you. I request you pass on to me your opportunity-seeing-eye, your autodidacticism, your networking abilities, your serial entrepreneurial spirit and your intensity for ideas.
  • Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory is one of my favorite shows. I desire to possess your eidetic memory, your overtly intellectual personality and disinterest in romantic relationships.

Now your method of addressing the members of your cabinet will vary, according to the traits of character you are, for the moment, most interested in acquiring. The purpose in this is to rebuild your own character so it would represent a composite of the characters of your imaginary counselors.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

May 25 2011

I Bet You’re Thinking I’m Talking About You

Dear Har-old,

I know, I know, I know.

You’re a “private” person.

And journals, diaries are meant for your eyes only.

“Don’t write what you don’t want others to read,” they say.

But I’m not trying to get people interested in YOUR life.

I am trying to get people interested in THEIR life, THEIR future.

Do not be so vain!

This is about the blog’s concept; not about you, Har-old.

Sure, these letters take on a personal nature, but are broad enough to make you relatable to OTHERS.

And that is the whole point.

Remember: I started this blog based on a need of YOURS. A need to be around other like-minds.

You still want that Master Mind Alliance, right?

Thought so.

Ironically, to make FuturisticallyYours.com successful WE both have to work.

Like I said before, I will find other future versions of young people’s present selves.

Your job is to market to those young-present-selves and get them to “respect their elders.”

And by that I mean having the young present WRITE WITHOUT READING.

Tell them if they’re worried about misspelled words, grammar mistakes, punctuation errors, blah blah blah, that’s what the proofreader is for.

Okay?

Care less.

I will edit anyways.

Write with a flow!

Tell them to read what they wrote a week or two from the date. Or hey, even a month.

Because that’s when the, “Damn I wrote this!” is followed by a “Did I say that out-loud?”

WRITE WITHOUT READING!!!

Futuristically yours,

Har+new