WordPressident #10

You can tell how long the skirrrt was that Mercedes matured
Went from a narrow body staying in its lane to a wide body hogging up both
The driver is indecisive
There’s a fork in the road
But if they had my view at 30,000 feet they would see it’s the forked tongue of the devil
And they’re on the highway to hell no matter which way they turn
Now I could be wrong ’cause I have some wings on the left and right
And some creative clouds that look like the periodic table
All blocking my view
The pilot points out symbols BR, BA but over the intercom he’s breaking bad
Or is it due to my ears popping ’cause I ain’t hearing this extra extra shit
Like spelling exxxtra with 3 X’s
What is this? word porn

It’s not what it looks like 



A couple strolls along the sidewalk. The woman attempts to light a cigarette but the wind blows out her flame. She attempts this 2 more times without success. The man stops and holds both sides of his jacket open and forward. The woman bends over to shelter her flame so she can light her cigarette. A cop car slowly drives pass, stops, rolls down his window, and looks at the couple in disbelief. The man realizes the awkward position he is in. 

Man – Officer, it’s not what it looks like. 

The woman, while still hunched over, looks back with a cigarette dangling off her lips. 

Officer – Oh, it’s not what it looks like, huh? [starts to open his car door and exit the vehicle] On the fence, spread ’em! No, no, close them! Fucking freaks! Y’all probably wanted me to see y’all so I can provide the handcuffs. All out in the opening, I tell ya. 

Man – Officer, I’m telling you, it’s not what it looked like. Windy, blowing … 

Officer – And you got the nerve to confess Wendy was blowing ya, shut the fuck up! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you filthy pig. There are innocent kids all around, ya know that. 

A little girl runs up on the officer and tugs at his jacket. 

Little Girl – Officer, officer…

Officer – Wait little girl …

Little Girl – Please, it’s an emergency.,

Officer – You okay? What’s wrong?

Little Girl – What size shoe you wear ?

Officer – 7. Why? 

Little Girl runs back to her friends and start giggling. 

Officer – The fuck was that about?

Woman – [talking with cigarette in her mouth] Innocence. 


Head Roll

“Harold, you up?”

He didn’t question me because he heard noise coming from my room. He asked because the noise coming from outside my room probably woke me. The shouting match. The yelling back and forth. I hate when my parents fight. 

I wasn’t worried about staying still. My body was in sleep-mode. I felt paralyzed from the neck down, but from the neck up I wanted to stratch my goatee because I had the covers pulled up to my chin. Lying on my left side, I wanted to rub my face across the pillow, but squinting at the full body mirror in the corner my dad’s head was still midway through the doorway as if he was waiting on me to say, “yeah, I’m up.”

“Is he up, gUerilla?”

That’s probably why they were fighting. Mom must forgot to take off her heels to hide her club-going before she stepped back in the house, and dad’s back must be bothering him again. Her head poked through above his. Yeah, mom’s drunk. She’s slurring her words. She usually pronounce dad’s pet name with O instead of U. And is she THAT wasted to not see where my bed is? Why is her head turned the opposite way in this weird angle? 

“Is bruh bruh up?”

I guess the fighting didn’t wake him; his growth spurt did and he wanted to surprise me with the exciting news. My little brother’s head poked through the doorway over mom and dad. 

My family knows I think before I speak, but thus far, I have given the impression I’m sound asleep. So, why the hell are they still hanging out in my doorway? 

It was starting to scare me! 

My dad needs a chiropractor. 

My mom is still looking in the wrong direction. 

My little brother’s a giant. 

After an intense, awkward 3 minutes and 23 seconds (I know this because of my alarm clock) the whites of their eyes and teeth disappeared into the darkness. 

I gotta lock my door. 

As I was TRYING to get up, my head rolled out of bed. 

two YOU's in future