Same Bed, Different Pillow

Dear Har-old,

American journalist Erma Bombeck said, “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

Think as you like but behave like others.

I know you feel this is an intolerable infringement on your freedom but please, please, please do NOT make people feel inferior.

THEY WILL PUNISH YOU.

You will only convince a few but offend many, many more.

Make your face as malleable as the actors.

And if you discover someone else is “acting” too, don’t award them with an Oscar, rather share your pillow with them.

Remember: Appearances are everything.

There are already things working against the letter u:

u looks like an incomplete O with a tail.

So, you have to work extra hard to blend in with the rest of the letters.

Do not stand out; there is strength in numbers.

You have to be the last one who goes to sleep or else, they will see you counting black sheep.

Be patient.

Get them in bed.

Put yourself in an unshakable position.

Then have your pillow fight.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

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