Its time to take some chances. I give you permission from this point on to be a bitch. Really. Say what you want to say, say what you feel, be honest, confront, confront, confront.
I know that is easier said than done, but you’re not really here to do the easy thing. Practically nothing else in your life has been done the easy way…but you manage to take the easy way out of socializing. You socialize by being polite, quiet, agreeable, respectful. You put all these ideas before your own ideas, thoughts, contributions to conversations. You put everyone’s supposed emotions above your own need to communicate.
And you wonder why very few people know you very well. Maybe you’re being too hard to get… to know. You save your thoughts, ideas, jokes, for the off-chance that you’ll really hit if off with someone. But even if you do, eventually you’ll save some stuff for someone else who will understand you in some other way that your current friends don’t.
Well, there’s a reason you can’t find friends who completely understand you…for one thing, you don’t give them a chance…for another thing, there is no one (human) who can completely understand you. You’re a changing canvas. Your self-portrait is always transforming. You don’t have to represent yourself in your many facets, you can be exactly who you are at that moment, without thinking about rather it reflects who you were yesterday, how someone else sees you, or who you’re going to be the next time you communicate with someone.
No one is perfect, no one is always the same and nothing you do will stop conflicts, disagreements, misunderstandings, miscommunication, and incomplete social transactions from occurring. You simply have to stop filtering yourself. Allow the truth of you to be accessible when you interact with people, and maybe you’ll be able to see the multi-changing layers of people as well.
It is a responsibility. One you have tried to shield yourself from. You are a very empathic and intuitive person, and maybe you feel like you shouldn’t be an authority, you shouldn’t be aware of the things people do and feel. You shouldn’t have to know things that you have this uncanny ability to find out, especially when they’re being hidden. So you decided to try to hide yourself from it… but it just doesn’t do you good, at all. It also doesn’t work. You’ll have to take responsibility for your characteristics, your impact on the people around you, and their impact on you.
You’ll have to allow yourself to be seen as you are, from moment to moment, and that will make you look sad sometimes, silly, ignorant, insensitive, and bitchy… as well as a multitude of other characteristics you like to share. Be empowered in your human nature. Don’t take any shit from anyone who suggests or supports being superwoman. You are allowed to fail miserably, and you should not feel the need to hide that from anyone. Be brave and know that what you’re doing is living, never stopping, never going back, there is no need to hesitate, even when if it might mean someone will get to know how you really feel.
You’re not in competition with anyone, and you can rest assured that being honest is not being rude. You already have a good grasp on speaking respectfully, someone may become upset, but that doesn’t mean you’re being mean or that what you want to say shouldn’t be said. You just have to realize that communication is at least a two way street, if not a four-way intersection. You can’t drive through the intersection and expect to get where you want without paying attention to the others on the road. You can be a defensive driver, and still get where you need to go, in time.