Flying Black Garbage Bag Attacks Kids Walking Home From School

Best photo taken of the mysterious black garbage bag
Best photo taken of the mysterious black garbage bag. That’s some scary shit!

Leukemia, throat cancer, and respiratory illnesses ARE on the rise. Winds were so high in Memphis, number 9 on America’s Dirtiest Cities listthat it kept a 11XL black garbage bag suspended in the air for hours. To make matters worse, in one neighborhood, unsuspecting children who were walking home from school were attacked when this mysterious black garbage bag, as if possessed, started following them. The children didn’t notice they were being followed until some sort of strange green slime poured on top of one of their heads (yes, trash was still in the bag). The children scattered in opposite directions, however, the wind was so fierce that the 11XL garbage bag was flying flat, allowing it to cover as much ground as possible. Empty-Dominoes-pizza-boxes-with-nothing-but-the-crust-inside was among the trashed items the garbage bag used as weapons on the kids. Adult witnesses who tried to grab and step on the bag, whenever it did temporarily touch the ground, were met with defeat as the bag kept blowing out of reach as if it was a dollar on a string. A 7’1 man who happened to be in the area walking his dog was of no use, as his knees were bad (but you didn’t have to jump; you could’ve just thrown your hands in the air and waved ’em like you just don’t care).

The children, the victims of this heinous crime are reported being “traumatized” by the experience. One mother of one of the boys said she told her son to take out the garbage 3 days later and he just broke down and started crying. He may never throw anything away again. Looks like Ilya Kabakov’s character may have come to life.

Although, this is a horrific incident, maybe, just maybe, there is some plus in this. Maybe now instead of having a measly $10 litter fine for flicking a cigarette butt to worry about, they have their kids to worry about. So the next time you see a person getting ready to flick it, just walk up to them and ask, “But what about the babies?”

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