Har-old: *ripping pages out notebook*
Har+new: What are you doing?
Har-old: Throwing away my notes!
Har+new: What?! Nooooo! Just because you quit don’t mean you should throw away what you learned. These are some good notes. They’re applicable outside of a mere job. Here, sit down!
Har+new: *going through notes*
Har-old: What are you smiling at?
Har+new: You wrote a lot of these notes twice!
Har-old: So …
Har+new: Well, it wasn’t because you lost the first ones; they’re right here! You wrote them down again to help you learn them. You wrote them down again because you’re teachable, coachable, studious. You wrote them down again because you have no big ego. You can walk away from the marker and whiteboard to the gum-bottom desk with pencil and paper. In the Great University Of Life it’s best to be a student.
How To Be Fake
Har+new: When your first day was broken down the SEE (smile, eye-contact, enthusiasm) factor was circled. Well, SE was because your gaze is hypnotizing and intimidating. That’s from spending hours practicing in front of a mirror! Now you know why you wasn’t enthusiastic, don’t you?
Har-old: Because I didn’t have the energy!
Har+new: And why you didn’t have the energy?
Har-old: Because I lost it to food and sex … again!
Har+new: But you did a good job at pretending the eat and beat didn’t happen, thus faking enthusiasm. You see you sold more pieces Tuesday, don’t you? And what didn’t happen that day? Check your character study! You know the emotions you feel when you actually don’t do it, right?
Har-old: Yeah …
Har+new: Freeze it! Then when you fall victim to food and sex again and find yourself in a position where you need your contagious enthusiasm, sit the emotions out to thaw!
Har-old: I get it!
Har+new: In your notes, they said smiling makes people comfortable. Remember when you read that article about people being able to see through fake grins? You was like, “I’m gone smile with my eyes.” You forget your gaze is too terrifying now *laughing*. You’re not smiling with your eyes; you’re frowning. Therefore, you need to distract people from your eyes with your smile, no matter how fake it is.
Har-old: It was more a laugh than smile *laughing*.
Har+new: Remember some of the stuff you thought about?
Har-old: My kids, grandma. If the girl I was approaching was cute, it wasn’t too hard.
Har-old: I’m not trying to flatter you. I’m not! But I actually was thinking about some of these Future News stories you wrote to make me laugh before I did my intro on people.
Har+new: *fish look*