Episode 1, Scene 2: Reality T.V. (Written November 13, 2006)

Scene 2: November 13, 2006

Harold – Sweetheart, you looking for something?

Summer – Yeah, have you seen my shoes?

Harold – Now baby, you gone have to be a lil’ more specific. You got over a thousand pair of shoes. You can’t even wear ’em all.

Summer – Well, the ones I’m looking for now I’m finna wear. You know them boots I bought 2 days ago with the pink diamonds in ’em?

Harold – Baby, who be in your closet more than you do?

Summer – Lyric! Oooh I’ma hurt that girl.

Harold – She in her room!

Summer – Lyric, how would you feel if I was all in yo’ closet looking for something to wear?

Lyric – Mama I ain’t gotta worry about that cuz we got different taste.

Summer – In clothes but apparently not in shoes. Girl, where are my boots wit the pink diamonds in ’em?

Lyric – Boots with the pink diamonds. Umm … Oh! I’m sorry ma, I had to wear them; they went with my outfit I wore yesterday.

Summer – Okay, where they at?

Lyric – They should be under my bed.

Summer – Lyric, what the hell is this?!

Lyric – Yo’ shoes.

Summer – No, this!

Lyric – Omigod, omigod, mama I can explain!

Summer – Nah, explain this to ya father. Harold!!!

Harold – Huh? You called me … or us?

Lil’ Harold – What? You called Lil’ Harold or Big Harold?

Summer – It don’t matter. I need both of y’all present to hear something that Lyric has to say cuz look what I found under her bed.

Lil’ Harold – Some pampers!!!

Harold – Well I guess another black kid gone have to grow up without a father cuz whoever yo’ baby daddy is, I’m killing that muthafucka. Where my gun at?!

Lyric – No, no, daddy, wait, wait, please daddy, please! I can explain everything. Listen!

Harold – This shit better be good Lyric!

Lyric – But first, can you make Lil’ Harold go outside for a couple minutes cuz I don’t want him to hear this.

Lil’ Harold – If I’m finna be an uncle I need to know so I can start drinking.

Summer – No, no, you gone say it to all of us.

Lyric – Man okay … I ain’t gotta ass and I be wearing pampers to make my ass look big. Guys like girls with apple bottoms and stuff. Dudes don’t even care if she’s ugly. If she gotta fat ass, she’s fine. At a party, I can’t even shake what my momma gave me cuz she was stingy. See, y’all laughing at me. That ain’t right.

Summer – Baby girl you still growing. Omigod, I’m glad you got some tities cuz you’ll be putting tissue in yo’ bra.

Harold – I’m so happy I ain’t gotta kill nobody!

Lil’ Harold – I’m happy I ain’t gotta drink.

Lyric – So, I can keep wearing pampers?

Harold – Hell nah! My daughter ain’t finna be wearing pampers. You ain’t no baby!

Lyric – Why?! Lil’ Harold be putting socks in his pants.

Lil’ Harold – No I don’t! I’m 13 inches!

Summer – Well guess I named you after somebody who ain’t yo’ daddy!

Commercial Break: December 9, 2006

Killer 1 – Okay, y’all ready to do this? I hope y’all ain’t thinking ’bout backing outta this shit. Y’all ready to yellow tape a nigga or what?

Killer 2 – Fuck yeah!!!

Killer 3 – Yeah, I’m ready! C’mon doc’.

Killer 1 – Hold up! Somebody’s missing!

Killer 4 – Yo’ y’all ready to be out?

Killer 1 – Yo’ what the fuck took you so long and what the fuck you got on?

Killer 4 – Whatcha mean?

Killer 1 – Everybody got on black and you the only one in green.

Killer 4 – What?! I can’t ride out in green?

Killer 2 – Man, just get upstairs and put on the hood attire.

Killer 4 – I can’t wear black clothes.

Killer 3 – Why not?

Killer 4 – B-cuz I got dandruff.

Killer 4 – What?

Killer 3 – Head-N-Shoulders.

Scene 3 dropping tomorrow at 7PM 🙂


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