*Originally titled I’m With Jimmy Ni, I wanted the name of my show to be a play on words and a play on its content. This episode Dying A Virgin mirrors that. This is one of my best stories. The progression in my story-telling is clear here. This was also my first time attempting to do a side-story. It kind of worked. I also cut down from my usual 5 scenes to 3. This is the original raw script from 2007.*
Dying A Virgin: 6+29+7
Benny Boom: Aye yo HIV you either find you another principal girl or you gone have to find you another music video director.
HIV: If Ms. Lyric don’t show up in this video’s running time which is 4 minutes, I’ma call Angel b.
Benny Boom: Well I’m glad we ain’t shooting a movie.
HIV: You see what I see.
Ms. Lyric: Harold and Benny I apologize for my tardiness.
HIV: Ms. Lyric, Ms. Lyric, Ms. Lyric, are you a Jay-Z fan?
Ms. Lyric: Yeah.
HIV: Well that would explain why you think you’re irreplaceable. F.Y.I. I was just about to call Angel.
Ms. Lyric: I can explain!
HIV: *phone rings* Hold that thought, it’s my wife, heaven high …
Benny Boom: Hello Ms. Lyric I ain’t on the phone.
Ms. Lyric: Oh Benny! I ain’t tryna use it as an excuse but I was at the hospital.
Benny Boom: Why was you at the hospital?
Ms. Lyric: For health concerns.
Benny Boom: What’s wrong with you?
Ms. Lyric: The doctor said I’m fine but I know for a FACT I’m not fine.
Benny Boom: Since when you know more than a doctor?
Ms. Lyric: Since I started switching charts!
Benny Boom: Switching charts!!!
Ms. Lyric: I shared a room wit some teenage girl, while she was sleeping I switched our charts around.
Benny Boom: Why you do that?
Ms. Lyric: B-cuz I had a feeling the doctor was gone gimme bad news and what I don’t know won’t hurt me and at first I wasn’t gone do it but when I seen her name …
Benny Boom: Well you better hope you ain’t got nothing serious and if you do: you ain’t my bitch and she wasn’t my daughter. I got all boys!!!
HIV: Aye y’all I gotta go, family emergency!
Ms. Lyric: But don’t you wanna know hear why I was late.
HIV: Fuc-get it!
Benny Boom: I ain’t directing yo’ next video.
Doctor: Mr. Strong welcome …
HIV: Jada and Jason what y’all doing here?
Doctor: I just feel that your daughter Lyric needs to be around her loved ones: her boyfriend Jason, her best friend Jada, her brother Fifth, her mother Lil’ Mama ,and you, her father, HIV, when I give her this news.
Lil’ Mama: What news?
Doctor: Yo’ daughter has AIDS and only has a week to live!
Jason: Why everybody lookin’ at me for? Y’all should be lookin’ at him … his name is HIV.
HIV: Boy are you tryna say I had sex wit my daughter?!
Lyric: Hold up … wait a minute … guys … but doc’ … I’ma virgin!
HIV: That statement just saved yo’ life boy!
Doctor: Are you sure you’re a virgin?
Lyric: Yes I’m sure! What kind of question is that?
Doctor: Excuse me! What I meant to say was: are you sure you haven’t been in any contact wit somebody who’s affected wit HIV besides sexual contact b-cuz I know you’re a virgin b-cuz I checked and yo’ hymen is still intact.
Lyric: What other ways could I have contracted Aids besides sex?
Doctor: Umm … a tattoo b-cuz of the usage of dirty needles …
HIV: My daughter don’t have no mutha …
Lyric: Dad, dad, dad, dad.
HIV: Huh? What are you doing?
Everybody: CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE!
Lil’ Mama: Umm…doctor Lyric won’t be dying in a week. She gone die today! Lil’ girl you think that’s funny putting CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE around yo’ pussy? How long have you had that?
Lyric: For about 9 months!
Lil’ Mama: Lyric that’s a birth!!!
Doctor: Well that would explain it folks: if she woulda contracted Aids recently it can be treated to where she can live wit it but since she got that tattoo 9 months ago, she can’t be treated.
Lil’ Mama: Now you see why me and yo’ daddy be all up in y’all’s business … Lil’ Harold are you takin’ steroids?
Fifth: Hell nah mama! That shit make yo’ dick little! I’m 13 inches!!!
Jada: I’m single!
Doctor: I would like to introduce everyone to … Mr. Strong are you alright?
HIV: I won’t be if I hear or see anything else that’s shocking doc’. I’m about this close to passing out and being yo’ next patient.
Doctor: Well hopefully that won’t happen. Okay, I would like to introduce everybody to Dick Jerkins of The Make-A-Wish Foundation. He is here to grant Lyric her dying wish. Lyric it can be anything you want. We will give you some time to think about the last thing you wanna do before you die.
Lyric: Hold up doc’! I don’t need no time to think about my dying wish. I already got it!
Doctor: You do?
Lyric: Yes but I don’t think Dick Jerkins can help me wit it even though he is fine.
Doctor: Okay, what is it then?
Lyric: My dying wish is to lose my virginity!
Lil’ Mama: Harold!!!
Doctor: Well there goes my next patient!
*Commercial Break – I did my own commercials too but I only wrote a few*