Only The Strong Survive: Dying A Virgin (Scene 3)

Scene 3

*Day 6*

Lil’ Mama: Harold we need to talk!!!

HIV: Can it wait … I’m playing the game.

Lil’ Mama: That game has a pause button!

HIV: I wish you had a mute button … aye! Aww hell nah! It’s finna be some domestic violence up in this house1

Lil’ Mama: Boy if you beat me up it’s gone be in the bedroom, not in the living room.

HIV: Look what we need to talk about that’s so important?

Lil’ Mama: Lyric’s dying wish!

HIV: You unplugged my game for that??? Look how many times I gotta say NO?!

Lil Mama: Harold do you know what today is?

HIV: Tuesday.

Lil’ Mama: No today is the day our daughter will die.

HIV: I thought that was tomorrow.

Lil’ Mama: 2 days ago Lyric told me she was gone commit suicide today.

HIV: Kill yo’self!

Lil Mama: So you think that’s funny? Well let’s see if you think this funny: I want a divorce … you ain’t laughing now are you? haha

HIV: Half!!!

Lil Mama: That’s right … I want half! You a Jimmy Ni: You got another half>

HIV: Okay you got me!  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Lyric is granted her dying wish okay damn!

Lil Mama: Now I will plug yo’ game back up.

*Next scene*

Lil’ Mama: Lyric … no!!!!

Lyric: Stay right there … if y’all get any closer I will kick away the chair.

Lil’ Mama: Baby you don’t have to commit suicide … yo’ daddy said yes!

Lyric: Yes?!

HIV: … yes.

Lyric: Jason!!!

HIV: On the way here me and Jason had a talk.

Lil’ Mama: Yeah and whatever it was about he didn’t want me, Lil’ Harold, and Jada  to hear it. He made us do the G-Slide over here.

Jason: Oh! He just told me I couldn’t hit Lyric from the back.

HIV: My daughter ain’t a bitch!!!

Lyric: It’s alright! You gotta look me the face to pop my cherry anyway.

Fifth: Damn … everybody getting some: Lyric finna get some, mom been giving dad some all this week and Jada gave me some.

Jada: I shouldn’t have gave you none: 13 inches my ass!!!

Fifth: I thought we did doggystyle.

HIV: Well y’all let’s give these two horny kids some privacy!

Jada: He ain’t getting no more of this!

HIV: I’m not talking about y’all two. I’m talking about Jason’s Lyric … but before we do I would like to introduce everybody to Mr. Gayheart.

Jason: Who is he and what he doing here?

HIV: Well I’m glad to see that the cat don’t got your tongue yet. I’m glad you asked … he is here to marry both of y’all.

Fifth: But dad ain’t that’s bigamy.

HIV: No son that’s big of me, not big of you.

Jada: You got that right.

Lil’ Mama: But baby they too young.

HIV: No they not! I always wanted my daughter to save herself for her husband.

Jason: It don’t matter … I’ma be a widower soon anyway so …

Lyric: Yeah and I’ll do anything to not die a virgin so ….

Mr. Gayheart: Well okay we are gathered here today to …

Lyric: Stop, stop, stop can you skip all that and just ask us if we do?

Mr. Gayheart: Yes. Lyric do you take Jason to be your lawful wedded husband?

Lyric: I do!

Mr. Gayheart: Jason do you take Lyric to be your lawful wedded wife?

Jason: I do!

Mr. Gayheart: I now pronounce you husband and wife … you may now kiss the bride.

Lyric: Okay now everybody get outta here … I want him to kiss my other lips.

HIV: Now the cat finna get his tongue!

Lyric: We don’t need no condom … we married!

Jason: Baby you have AIDS!

Lyric: … oh yeah!

*One minute later*

Doctor: I’m happy yo’ dying wish came true!

Ms. Lyric: Doctor, doctor, I need to talk to you! What you doing here?

HIV: I’m here with my daughter!

Ms. Lyric: Omigod that’s your daughter????

HIV: Yeah so what’s the big deal?

Ms. Lyric: I need to tell you why I was late to your video shoot: I was at the hospital and I shared a room with your daughter who I didn’t know was your daughter and I switched our charts.

Lyric: So you the one with AIDS?

Ms. Lyric: I got AIDS?!?!

Doctor: Well there goes my next 2 patients.

Lil’ Mama: Harold!!! Ooooh I hope he didn’t fall out cuz he fucked her!

*Commercial Break*

*Roll Credits*


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