Why You Shouldn’t Talk To Your Friends About How Good Your Significant Other Is In Bed

Teresa: *holding hands up in a measurement stance, gradually widening the gap between her hands*
Denise: THAT big?!
Teresa: Hmmhm.
Denise: Damn!
Teresa: Girl, I be running!
Denise: I wish my man was that big, but I can’t complain because he makes up for it in tongue. Girl, his tongue so big he can dig in his nose with it.
Teresa: Eww!
Denise: He don’t eat boogers though.
Teresa: THAT long, though?!
Denise: Hmmhm. And that ain’t the only trick he can do with it either, girl *laughing*
Teresa: Oooohaha
Denise: Girl, I be running faster.
Teresa: My man don’t even eat! Girl, you getting my *bleep* wet.
Denise: I thought I was the only one over here soaking *laughing*

*Denise and Teresa give each other a high-five*

Teresa: Ebony, don’t you want to join this convo?
Ebony: No, thank you!
Denise: What’s wrong? You single?
Teresa: Lesbian???

*Denise and Teresa move their seats away from Ebony*

Ebony: *laughing* No! Y’all crazy! No, I’m not single or a damn lesbian.

Meanwhile at another restaurant …

Charlie: *motioning hands in a hourglass figure*
Eric: I noticed how far your hands started to spread apart when they moved down … THAT big, dog?!
Charlie: Hmmhm … and she know how to throw it back too. One time she knocked me down. Thought Tyson punched me
Eric: Damn!
Charlie: And dog, the view is something else. It’s like being at the beach and watching the wave of the water.
Eric: I got a lil’ slim, petite treat. BUT! Her *bouncing hand up and down with palm facing ground* game is Ayyyyy One!
Charlie: Word? My girl don’t even give head. Ugh!
Eric: I’m about to make you mad then. Let me shut up.
Charlie: What???
Eric: Dog … she swallows. She thinks it’s good for her.
Charlie: Ohhhh! Word? What Jamie Foxx told Bernie Mac in Booty Call … uh … You getting my *bleep* hard *laughing*
Eric: I can’t stand up either *laughing*

*Charlie and Eric clap it up*

Eric: Yo Damon why you not in on this, man? You good?
Charlie: We don’t wanna leave you out.
Damon: I’m okay.
Charlie: You single or something?
Eric: Hold up … HOLD UP! You don’t like one of us, do you?!?!

*Charlie and Eric move their seats from Damon*

Damon: I hate you guys! And no, I’m in a relationship.
Charlie: … With a girl?

Next day …

Denise: I heard you packing something serious.
Charlie: I heard you like your protein. Will you run?
Denise: I sure do. And umm … I stand and fight. Let me find out.
Charlie: Nah, you let me find out!

Meanwhile somewhere else …

Eric: I heard you know how to throw all that thickness back.
Teresa: Hmmhm … can you catch it? I heard about them tricks you can do with your long tongue.
Eric: Let me find out!
Teresa: Nah, you let me find out.

3 days later …

Denise: *crying hysterically* How could she do this to me, girl? All the men in the world and she sleep with mines. All the girls in the world and he sleep with my best friend. Then of all places they do it in my home … in my bed.
Ebony: I’m so sorry. Breathe! It’s gone be okay. I’m here for you. Let’s go out. You gotta get your mind off this.
Denise: You’re always tell me right and I never listen. Always had my back.

Next scene…

Teresa: *crying hysterically* I can’t believe she did this. I mean why can I never have something I can call my own??? Why they do this to me???
Ebony: You deserve better than this. You do. You are a good person. You deserve better. Better man and friend.
Teresa: I can’t get a better friend than you … you my only true one.

Meanwhile …

Charlie: I always say I got 99 problems and a *bleep* ain’t one but *sobbing*  I loved her. Why she do this? Then with my homie, though. Ahhh-kneeee. I wanna kill both them.
Damon: Nah, don’t do that. They not worth your freedom. You gone find somebody better. It’s a girl out here for you. The right one.
Charlie: You always been my homie.

Next scene …

Eric: I’m slipping on my pimping. I never been hurt like this. I got played. My best man and my shorty … what did they see in each other? They never showed any signs they was attracted to each other. Damn!
Damon: They deserve each other. Not you. Take it as a lesson. Learn from it. Look! I don’t like seeing you depressed. Let’s go out. You need this.
Eric: I never realize how much you had my back. Only person I can trust.

Later that night …

*After 45 minutes of passionate sex*

Ebony: I love you!
Damon: I love you more!
Ebony: You’re my best kept secret, you know that?
Damon: I know. And you’re mines. I will never open our relationship up to the world.
Ebony: Shut up and kiss me!


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