When Breathing Hard In The Gym Goes Wrong (Are You Having Sex While We On The Phone?)

Based on a true story … kind of.

One month earlier …

Max: *fist-pounding in disgust* I got trust issues when it comes to these *bleep*. She ratchetttt!
Joey: What you talking about?
Max: Man, you haven’t seen that video of this girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone while having sex with another dude … while 3 other dudes waiting they turn?
Joey: What?!
Max: It’s all on WorldStar. I masturbated to that *bleep* with a frown on my face. These *bleep* disgust me!

10 minutes later …

Joey: Yooooo! I just saw that video! How he didn’t know she was doing something?
Max: Obviously, he hasn’t been dating her long. Don’t know the variety in her voice. Her normal voice, her white people voice, her freaky voice. Breathing hard should’ve gave it away. Damn fool. He deserve it.

Present day …

Max: *talking to self* Yes, thank God! Nobody on the treadmill. *looks around* Oh snap! I got the whole gym to myself. Yeah! Now I can finally stretch before I work out.

5 minutes later …

Max: *sitting down, doing hamstring stretches* *thinking to self* Almost done … damn! This *bleep* just walked in here and went straight for the treadmill. Ugh! Well, she fat, she won’t be on it long. 3 minutes tops! Haha.

25 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I wish this *bleep* would leave! All this unwanted time I spent in hurr. I was gone stretch for a few minutes, run 30, and be out. 40 minutes tops! I’m in this *bleep* pretending I’m enjoying lifting these weights. My *bleep* arms hurt.

18 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I’m mad as *bleep*. I’m about to go. Knew I shouldn’t have stretched. What’s that noise? Her phone ringing.
Girl: *puts it on speaker*
Person on phone: Hello, hello, hello, wifey?
Girl: *breathing hard* Let me, let me catch my …
Max: *thinking to self* Wifey? I know what I’m about to do … *yells out-loud* SHE TRYING TO CATCH THESE BALLS! WE HAVING SEX! WE HAVING SEX! OH, BABY! YEAHHHHH! OH MY GOD!
Girl: *struggling to take it off speaker because her fingers are moist due to sweat* Oh my God! Shut up, boy!
Max: *Moaning* THIS THE BEST I EVER HAD! WE HAVING SEX! YOU AIN’T HANDLING YOUR BUSINESS IN THE BEDROOM HOMIE! SHE WANT A REAL MAN! GIVE IT TO ME GIRL! SHE CHEATING ON YOU! *runs out gym*

Next day …

Joey: *shaking head in disgust*
Max: What’s wrong, big homie?
Joey: I’m about to be on WorldStar, dog.
Max: You got your ass beat?
Joey: Nah. I called my girl yesterday while she was having sex with another dude and this *bleep* picked up the phone so I could hear it. Dude voice sounded familiar too.
Max: *breathing hard* That … that … let me catch my balls, BREATH, BREATH. I said breath! That was YOUR girl?!
Joey: *slowly takes his palm off his face, looks up, slowly turns head, twists lips like Marlon Wayans in Don’t Be A Menace* What you mean THAT was my girl?!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “When Breathing Hard In The Gym Goes Wrong (Are You Having Sex While We On The Phone?)”

Start/Join The Conversation ...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s