Why Black People Only Order The Chicken From Chinese Restaurants

Based on a true story

*2 years ago at work during lunch-break*

Arnold: Kenny, where you get that chicken from? KFC? D’Bo’s? Crumpy’s? That new soul food place? Your girl fixed it?
Kenny: Nah, from this Chinese place up on Winchester.
Arnold: Chinese place? How they Moo Goo Gai Pan taste?
Kenny: What the *bleep* is that?! You gone make me lose my apetite saying that word. I don’t eat Chinese food, Arnold! I just get the chicken! I be too hungry to have to be analyzing every bite I take. I know how chicken look. I know how it’s suppose to taste. I know how fries look and I know it’s suppose to taste. I been eating this *bleep* my whole life! I don’t have time to be guessing what *bleep* is.

*3 weeks ago at work during lunch-break*

Arnold: Leslie, every time I see you on break you always eating the same thing … chicken and fries … fries and chicken. You get it from the food truck outside?
Leslie: Nah, I ordered it from this Chinese place on Brister Street and they delivered it. You want some? I can’t eat all this by myself.
Arnold: Yeah, gimme that one right there. Thanks! How they Egg Foo Young taste?
Leslie: I don’t know!
Arnold: What about their General T’so Chicken?
Leslie: Don’t ask me! I don’t eat none of that *bleep* I just get eat the chicken wings. I don’t eat Chinese food like that.

Present day …

Chinese lady: Yes, can I help you?
Arnold: I’m not ready yet. Trying to make up my mind. Don’t know if I want the Tow Nell Soup, Cho Kon It, or the Hung Flung Poo.
Chinese lady: Okay, take your time.

*12 year old girl walks into Chinese restaurant with white food container*

Arnold: You can go ahead of me, little girl. I’m not ready yet.
Little girl: My mama said this rice burnt.
Chinese lady: *opens lid* It’s not burnt. It’s probably just the soy sauce in the rice.
Arnold: *thinks to self* I didn’t know they made their rice with soy sauce. I waste nickels on extra packets. I’m an idiot!
Chinese lady: *sniffs rice* It’s the soy sauce. Hey, does this smell burnt to you? *passes rice to head security guard*
Head security: *sniffs rice* Nah, it’s definitely not burnt. What you think? *passes rice to second security guard*
Second security: *sniffs rice* Smells good to me! Why don’t we let the chef smell it since he cooked it? His nose is better than ours! *passes rice to chef*
Arnold: *thinks to self* Seriously?!
Chef: *sniffs rice* This rice is just hot. That’s just the heat from the skillet. I didn’t burn it. Me watch over it the whole time. *passes rice back to second security*
Second security: *passes rice to head security*
Head security: Let me smell it one more time to make sure! *sniffs rice* Nope! I know how burnt food smell because I messed up on the grill many a times but this is not it.
Security second: See if it taste burnt.
Arnold: *thinks to self* He bet not!
Head security: *grabs a fork and scoops up a spoonful* Nope! I know how burnt food taste because I messed up in the microwave many a times but this is not it. *passes rice back to Chinese lady*
Chinese lady: Do you still want it?
Arnold: *thinks to self* Hell nah she don’t still want that *bleep* Tell they ass off and get your money back, little girl!
Little girl: … Yes!
Arnold: *jaw drops*
Chinese lady: Are you ready now, sir?
Arnold: Yeahhhh … umm … gimme the chicken!
Chinese lady: The chicken fried rice? *smiles*
Arnold: Nah, the 7 piece whole wing special. I JUST stopped eating Chinese food.


2 thoughts on “Why Black People Only Order The Chicken From Chinese Restaurants”

    1. I appreciate the feedback! *Shanice Nicole voice* It’s good to know social networks still can be SOCIAL (I wish I had red ink).

      Aww! That made me feel all warm inside! But I’m always connected to WordPress (via app) even when I never post. I definitely have to comment on your women and cooking post smh.


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