The REAL Reason Why Jesus Was Crucified

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As anyone born on Christmas or anywhere close to the holiday can attest to, their birthday sucks! Why? Because you don’t get two presents: one for your birthday, one for Christmas. Instead, you only get one, serving as both your birthday and Christmas gifts. Exacerbating the problem, it’s never a big expensive gift.

A radical Christian group hailing from Philadelphia calling themselves Jeez (abbreviation of Jesus) is looking to re-write the bible. Jeez consists of members who were born on December 20-27th. According to Jeez, Jesus wasn’t crucified because he made the Jews unhappy, but because his birthday was on Christmas. Or, as it was known in those days, The Christian Festival. Furthermore, they also made the startling announcement that Jesus had siblings … and they’re the ones who actually killed him. Here’s what they told us:

Jesus had 2 sisters and 1 brother. Their birthdays were in March, June, and July. Mary and Joseph were very poor and they couldn’t afford to buy Jesus a separate birthday present from his festival one, so they opted to not make him jealous of the birthdays of his siblings by just celebrating all their birthdays on the same day – the day of the festival. This angered his brother and sisters so much, they had to get rid of him so they could have a birthday present separate from the feast. And, that’s how the crucifixion of Christ came about.

Jeez is publishing an e-bible tomorrow morning entitled The Real Reason Why Jesus Was Crucified in which they go into further detail regarding this new revelation. According to Amazon, just over 250,000 copies have already been pre-ordered.

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Conversations with people who have birthdays near Christmas

What do you think of Jeez’s theory?

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2 thoughts on “The REAL Reason Why Jesus Was Crucified”

  1. Wow this is interesting! I did hear of them. Actually this lady came up to me in Walmart and asked me if I knew Jesus has 2 sisters lol I was like “woah!” She asked me to come out to an event meeting or something they were having. Not necessarily something of a direct interest to me but definitely an interesting development.

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