Man Blames Obesity On Fear Of Frogs In Salad

Via Kathryn Lurie

Pre-August 2006, Walter Kottke, 29, was a serious vegetarian. A good organic gardener who knew how to compost. He could go weeks on end with just water, fruits, and starchless vegetables. Although, he had 3 cars, he loved to walk to his destination, which he says, “Cost me a few dates.” He never ate after 6PM. Always read the ingredient list before consuming. Worked out twice a day. Lean and tight as a whippet. His favorite food? Salads. Then! This photo of a frog found in a pack of Florette bagged salad went viral on August 30, 2006.

“It just all went downhill from there,” Kottke said. From “Dave” The  Costco Frog Salad to the Walmart Frog Salad to the Target Frog Salad to UK residents finding live and dead frogs in their salads to the recent Pret a Manger salad (above pic), Kottke has said he has developed a fervent fear of eating salads again, which has led to serious health issues. “I gained 355 pounds in the last 7 years, man. I was 180 freaking pounds in July 2006. I took a photo of the scale. I had to sell all my clothes. I can’t even walk no more; the weight is bad on my knees. I have to push this golfcart thing around. Those 3 cars I said I had? Can’t even fit in them no more.”

Kottke said part of his fear is growing up with a phobia of frogs. “My older brother used to have a pet frog. He used to scare me with it. I hated that thing. The long hind legs. How moist their skin was. Their droopy necks. Eww! I use to hate that Budweiser commercial. That’s why I don’t drink.”

Although, never a victim himself of a amphibian-riddled salad, Kottke is calling on prior ones to collectively sue these “bad” companies for “playing” with their health. “Something has to be done about this! My health is declining rapidly. They’re to blame! I use to be a health-conscious freak. Now for the last 7 years I’ve been a glut. Hot & Spicy’s are disgusting. I miss getting standing ovations when I ordered a salad at McDonald’s.”

Built on top of:
You Won’t Want A Salad Today
•The pic I took of the scale when I was 180

Do think they put frogs in salads because they’re green like the lettuce?


2 thoughts on “Man Blames Obesity On Fear Of Frogs In Salad”

  1. I lost a ton of weight when I found salad mix in a bag of the triple battered fried frogs that I used to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Due to my fear of lettuce (the product of a traumatic romaine incident in my childhood), I haven’t touched that stuff ever since.

    Liked by 1 person

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