Where Do Babies Come From?

Based on a future story

 

Lyric – Daddee, will I be tall like you and mommee?
Harnew – Yeah, when *censored* comes. You know what that is?
Lyric – My birthdayyyyy!
Harnew – You so smart!
Lyric – But I don’t wanna be tall. *pouts*
Harnew – Why?
Lyric – Cause when I get big you and mommee won’t pick me up no more. I don’t like walking.
Harnew – Haha. You gotta pick us up then.
Lyric – Daddee, why that man talk funny?
Harnew – We speak English. He’s speaking Spanish. One day you will learn how to speak another language too and talk funny.
Lyric – Daddee, why we don’t have 2 mouths? We 2 ears.
Harnew – Because you are suppose to listen twice as much as you talk.
Lyric – Daddee, why is water wet?
Harnew – *secretly checks Google* Uhhh … so we can swim in it. Don’t you like going swimming?
Lyric – Yayyyy!

Next day

Harnew – You’re awfully quiet back there, sweetie. You okay?
Lyric – I don’t want make you mad.
Harnew – Make me mad? How you gone make me mad?
Lyric – I don’t wanna ask lot of questions.
Harnew – Aww! Why not, princess?
Lyric – Cause you gone get mad at me and spank me. It hurt.
Harnew – That’s mean! Why you say that???
Lyric – When I was over Lia’s house, her mommee got mad at her for asking lot of questions.
Harnew – Aww! I’m sorry to hear that. But Lyric, honey, you and Lia don’t have the same mom. *Censored* is your mom and I’m your dad.
Lyric – O-tay.
Harnew – Remember what daddy told you yesterday about why you have 2 ears and 1 mouth?
Lyric – Bee … cause you suppose to listen twice as much as you talk? Am I right?
Harnew – That’s right, princess. Now I want you to listen to daddy carefully, okay?
Lyric – O-tay.
Harnew – You’re 4 years old and kids your age like to ask a lot of questions because learning is fun and they want to know more about the world we’re living in. You have a very curious nature I want you to keep. When people get tall, they ask less questions and make more statements because they think they know it all. Learning has gotten boring to them. I don’t want you and your baby brother to get like that when you get tall like mommy and daddee. I want you to have a questioning attitude in life, a habit of demanding and weighing evidence. Like a scientist. Question everything and everyone, including mommy and daddy. We’re not always right. Challenge us! No question is silly or stupid. I don’t care what you ask me. We will try our very very best to answer it. Now pinky promise me you will ask me a million bajillion questions. *extends pinky*
Lyric – *grabs pinky* I promise.
Harnew – Now give daddy a kissy.
Lyric – *Muah*
Harnew – I love you!
Lyric – I love you more, daddee.
Harnew – *eyes water up* Aww! You gone make me cry.
Lyric – Noooo. Don’t cry, daddee. It be ok.
Harnew – Okay. I’ll be strong for you. *kisses forehead* You gotta be up bright and early in the morning for school so it’s time for bed, okay.
Lyric – Okay. Can I ask you one question before bed time?
Harnew – Go!
Lyric – Where do babies come from?
Harnew – *thinks to self* Oh, dear!

The end

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