How The Remote Control Burglar Got A $10/Hr Job From The Victim

image

“I can’t believe he answered my freaking ad,” said Eddie Cabin, the man who posted an ad on Craigslist last year looking for home security after a burglar stole his remote.

On the night of December 29, 2012 Cabin’s house was broken into, however, he wasn’t sure it had been. “I had no reason to suspect burglary. My furniture was in the same place. Nothing was moved. I live alone so anything out of place would’ve caught my eye. I sat down that Sunday morning to watch Joel Osteen. That’s how I go to church. And I couldn’t find the remote. I always sat it on the coffee table. After a full day of getting off the couch, I had an epiphany during one of those long walks across the room to change the channel: Some fool stole my remote! I thought this was absurd until the TV kept changing while I was trying to watch the Ryan Seacrest New Years Eve Bash. I looked out the window and saw a blue truck sitting in the middle of the street. When I stepped on the porch, it sped off.”

Cabin then posted the Craigslist ad you see above, which has since been nominated for their “Best Of” section. The details that wasn’t in the ad were that he only needed security between primetime hours, 7PM-9PM, because that’s when the drive-by channel changing occurred. “It’s like he knew my TV-watching schedule or something.”

Cabin said he had to go through hundreds of “LMFAO” replies to find serious inquiries. A common reply he said he wanted to address was, “Why didn’t you just buy another remote?” Cabin’s response was his TV was antique and stores stopped selling those kind of remotes long ago, which is why sometimes he kept it in a safe. Another common reply from people who answered his ad was, “Why didn’t you just move the TV from the window?” Cabin said he reported those people to their email providers for spam.

Cabin is out of $680 from the fiasco, $620 of which was paid to a burglar who was all to eager to sit on the sidewalk from 7 at night to 6 in the morning. “I fired 3 Top Flight security guards for being unable to get the license plate number. I should have known something was suspicious when the drive-by’s stopped after I hired him. I just thought it was because he had a intimidating presence.”

Cabin said he would have been out of more money had it not been for the craving of a midnight snack. “I saw a light coming from the living room. It was the TV. The volume was muted. I knew I turned it off before bed. I look across the room and saw a face outside my window munching on something. It was him! The son of a bitch was watching a re-run of Scandal.”

Built on top of:
•A retweet of that ad

Have you ever stolen something and tried to give it back for a reward?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “How The Remote Control Burglar Got A $10/Hr Job From The Victim”

Start/Join The Conversation ...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s