3 Lessons A Wanna-Be-Dad Learns From Dating A Single Mother

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Dear Har-old,

A childless woman presents an often overlooked danger for an aspiring-father. And vice-versa. The classroom of the childless professor is boring lecture after boring lecture. What will you learn in your sleep? Hmm? But bring in the professor whose late for their own class because they couldn’t find a baby-sitter, and therefore, had to bring the kid to school for an impromptu “take your child to work day.” The magic of alertness happens. You’re suddenly transferred back to that golden paradise of childhood seeing that kid sitting in the empty desk next to you, pretending to be a big kid, eager to learn, trying its best to call the professor teacher instead of mom. You, fantasizing about a student-teacher relationship since the start of the semester, get your chance to see if it’s worth pursuing. You have learned from dating the childless professor to ignore what is said about parenting. You do the same with this professor, however, this person has truth-in-action with their offspring. This child has no filter. Tells it like it is. Right here, you learn. You, Har-old, are at the finish line of a race between a  woman, carrying an empty suitcase in her hand, and a woman carrying excessive baggage. Will you go after the former, who crossed the finish line first? Or the latter, who lost because she was carrying the luggage in her arms as opposed to rolling it, in an effort to prevent any of her belongings from spilling out? If you chose the former, stop reading right now. Goodbye! But if it was the latter, these are 3 questions to ask yourself when dealing with her. Hopefully, the answers are better than the following examples. Although, bad, still better than the slippery words of a woman who can’t produce an example outside of a sibling she don’t even get along with.

How does she treat her child?

Meet Cartman. 8 years old. Favorite cartoon Harry The Orange Dinosaur. While watching it, he loves to sit close to the TV with the volume preferably to the max. Cartman’s mother, Brenda, gets headaches hearing all that animation noise and always yells at him to turn it down. Then one day while he’s watching his favorite cartoon, the doorbell rings. Brenda answers the door and Cartman sees a man he never seen before being escorted upstairs. To Cartman’s surprise, his mother yells from the top stair for him to turn up the TV as high as it can go. This scenario repeats for 21 days. Then one day while Cartman is watching Harry with his mother upstairs sleep, the cartoon announces that after they return from commercial break it will give away a special code to win one of its character toys. Panicking during the intermission and afraid he will get a severe lashing if he wakes his mother up with the noise, Cartman sees the mailman outside next door and runs on the porch screaming for help. The mailman drops his bag of mail and runs on the porch asking Cartman what’s wrong. Cartman tells him to run upstairs where his mommy is. Assuming she is in danger, the mailman obliges. Cartman runs to the TV turning up the volume to the max just as the cartoon is back from commercial. There’s a scream from upstairs. It’s Brenda! “Cartman, why the hell you tell this mailman to come in my bedroom?””Mommy, mommy, Harry giving away toys. I couldn’t hear the TV. You only let me turn it up loud when men go upstairs. I’ma get one mommy, I’ma get one.” The next day Brenda is arrested for child endangerment and prostitution. Police was tipped off by an “anonymous” caller. Har-old, this could be YOUR kid!

How does she treat her child’s father?

Meet Daniel. Mother raised him and his 3 siblings all by herself.  Their father was a deadbeat. The grandfather was one too. The oldest of the bunch, Daniel became the man of the house. More of a father figure to his siblings than brother. Daniel vowed to himself at age 16 when he had kids one day he would break the cycle. Fast forward 10 years later Daniel is having his first child. He is excited! Tomicka, his girlfriend of 2 months is at the hospital pushing the baby’s head out. Daniel looks over the doctor’s shoulder to get a glimpse of the arrival of his bundle of joy and passes out from the unpleasant sight. When he wakes up, he’s laying on a separate hospital bed next to his girl’s. While Daniel is still recovering from his disorientation, Tomicka hands him a document that says Birth Certificate at top. He signs it. Tomicka raises her hand. A security guard rolls Daniel’s hospital bed out the room.  A confused Daniel asks, “Where are you taking me?” The security guard says to another room. Daniel says, “Why? I want to be in the same room with my girl while she is giving birth to our son.” What the security guard told him next broke his heart. Tomicka broke up with him while he was passed out, but more shockingly, that Birth Certificate had the signature box cut out and underneath it was a  Parental Rights document. He signed over his rights. Further investigation revealed Tomicka was a lesbian and was using Daniel for his sperm. Over the next 4 months Daniel would unsuccessfully battle Tomicka in court for his right to be in his child’s life. Seeing his own dad for the first time since he was 5 was the last straw. The deadbeat laughed at his troubles. Daniel ends up killing his dad, Tomicka and her girlfriend, then realizing he would go to jail for life and still not be able to raise his child, he commits suicide … after killing his 5-month-old son. His last words was, “God will let me be a father.” Har-old, this could be YOU!

How does the child and its father treat you?

Meet Tyrone and his daughter Kelsey. Tyrone secretly wants to get back together with his baby-mama, Sabrina, but Sabrina has happily moved on with boyfriend Louis. She adores her beau. Kelsey can’t stand her step-dad and wants her real daddy back with her mommy. Sensing this and the fact Kelsey is daddy’s little girl, Tyrone knows she will go along with any plot to dethrone Louis and crop him out the picture. The day comes. Sabrina has to step out for an hour, leaving Louis and Kelsey in the house by themselves. An hour later, Sabrina unlocks the front door to hear cries coming from her daughter’s bedroom. She walks in to see 20 dollar bills scattered across her bed. A total of $300. Sabrina asks Kelsey what’s wrong. She told her mother she went into the kitchen wearing nothing but her panties and a small shirt. Sabrina asked,  “Why would you do that when you know a grown man is in the house?” Kelsey said she didn’t know Louis was there because she has never been home alone with him before. She said that’s why she dropped the glass plate on the ground. She was startled. She told her mom she scampered in her room to put on some pants, Louis came behind her, forcibly entered her room and raped her. The $300 was hush money. Sabrina, in a fit of rage, picked up glass by glass of that broken plate her daughter dropped on the kitchen floor and stabbed a nap-taking Louis 52 times. Tyrone celebrated by wearing his WCW championship belt, screaming “WOOOO” from his apartment window. Har-old, this could be YOUR extended family!

FY,

Har+new

P.S. The same thing applies to a woman who has been married before. Lots to learn there. Study the treatment of her ex-husband.

 

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