Wal-Mart Door Greeter Says “F**k You Too!”

Based on true story

FADE IN

EXT. WAL-MART – DAY

CUSTOMER

[approaches Wal-Mart entrance]

DOOR GREETER

Here ya go. [pushes grocery basket to customer]

CUSTOMER

[moves door greeter’s basket out the way; grabs own basket]

DOOR GREETER

Fuck you, too!

CUSTOMER

Nah, fuck you! Don’t push no damn basket at me! Old ass *censored* working at Wal-Mart. Where your ambition at? HUH?!

INT. WAL-MART – DAY

Customer shops for food then goes to Deli section to order some Ranch Chicken and Jalapeno bombers. Cook takes too long to come to front and take order. Customer sees grandma entering. 

CUSTOMER

I’m about to come out. This the last thing I’m about to get.

GRANDMA

It’s okay. I need to get a few things anyway.

CUSTOMER

Where you get your basket?

GRANDMA

Just on the outside.

CUSTOMER

Did you see an old man out there?

GRANDMA

Yeah, it’s two guys out there.

CUSTOMER

Yeah, one of them said “fuck you” to me ’cause I wouldn’t take the basket he pushed at me.

GRANDMA

Watch your mouth!

CUSTOMER

That’s all you heard, grandma?

COOK

Yes sir, what can I do for you?

CUSTOMER

I’ll be right back. I need to go handle something.

COOK

Sure?

CUSTOMER

Yeah, I’ll be right back.

Customer finds supervisor and reports what happened at the entrance. 

SUPERVISOR

What he look like?

CUSTOMER

Older; dark-skin; had on one of those blue vest; a beanie on his head.

SUPERVISOR

Had on a Wal-Mart vest?

CUSTOMER

Um, yeah. *thinks to self* I think I saw blue?

SUPERVISOR

Did you see his name on his vest?

CUSTOMER

No. *thinks to self* Why didn’t I wear my glasses today? Ugh!

SUPERVISOR

Let me go see who you’re talking about. Wait here.

Supervisor walks to entrance and comes back 5 minutes later. 

SUPERVISOR

I didn’t see who you were talking about.

CUSTOMER

He probably moved now. This happened about 15-18 minutes ago. I shopped first. Do y’all got cameras outside where y’all store the baskets at?

SUPERVISOR

Yeah, we can see you from all the way down the street, up the block and around the corner. I’ll be back. Wait here.

20 minutes later the supervisor communicates with a team leader who is standing with the customer.

 TEAM LEADER

She said which entrance you came in at: The home depot side or the food side?

CUSTOMER

 The food.

17 minutes later the supervisor buzzes in again. 

TEAM LEADER

She said what are you wearing.

CUSTOMER

Black jacket. Black jeans. Green polo. I’m light-skin.

Some old man wearing dark clothing and a beanie walks behind the customer service counter. 

CUSTOMER (CONT’D)

Who’s that?

TEAM LEADER

He works in automotive.

CUSTOMER

*thinks to self* Is that him? I can’t tell. Dammit, why didn’t I bring my glasses?! Let me stare at him and see if he stares back then I’ll know. He’s not looking this way! He just went into the back. Shit!

33 minutes later the supervisor communicates through the team leader. 

TEAM LEADER

She said how long ago this happened.

CUSTOMER

About 18 minutes ago. Well, nah, ’cause I been waiting right here for a minute so …

TEAM LEADER

19 minutes.

CUSTOMER

*jaw drops*

11 minutes pass.

CUSTOMER

Hey, I’ma go ahead and pay for my food.

TEAM LEADER

Okay. When you’re done, come back and wait right here.

CUSTOMER

[sadly]

Okayyyyyyy.

20 minutes later a security guard comes out. 

SECURITY

Hi sir. I’m Chris, the head security guard at Wal-Mart. The supervisor sent me out here to get an re-enactment of what happened.

CUSTOMER

Yeah, so,  I came in right here …

SECURITY

Did you pay for these groceries?

CUSTOMER

Yeah, I did. *thinks to self* They wouldn’t have bags on them if I didn’t pay for ’em, you idiot you!

EXT. WAL-MART – DAY

Customer re-enacts incident for security guard. 

CUSTOMER

And that’s how it all went down.

SECURITY

Yeahhhhh, we don’t have cameras out here. Sorry!

CUSTOMER

Whaaa … but the lady said she can see me down the … up the … around the … umm I’m going home!

Customer pushes grocery basket to truck in an hurry.

CUSTOMER

Sorry about that. They was doing all this investigating, and had me waiting and stuff.

GRANDMA

What happened?

CUSTOMER

My ice cream melted.

FADE TO BLACK

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