You Need A Ride? (Twerking At Walmart)

Based on actual events


Couple leaves Wal-Mart. The man pushes the grocery basket to their car while the woman walks 2 steps ahead with her arms folded. 


Whatever, Cletus! Whatever! You cheated on me!


Baby, how did I cheat on you? I was looking for that lotion you like. I was on aisle 5, then I looked at the sign above the next aisle and it said, “Asian Foods, Hispanic Foods, Crackers, Chicken, Twerking.” I didn’t know when I went on that aisle I was actually gone see girls shaking their ass!


But it didn’t say lotion, Cletus! It didn’t say lotion!


I was curious! Gawd!

Two men near a car parked next to the couple’s get their attention. 


Hey, pardon us!


[looks at guy]


We locked our keys in the car, and can’t afford a locksmith. Would y’all happen to have a hanger?


Yeah, we just bought a lot of ’em.


No, I just bought a lot of ’em! How you gone offer them one of my hangers, Cletus? Who got the exhaustive wardrobe here? Huh?


Look! Ask her!


May we, madam?


Oh, you’re so polite! Yes you may, handsome! [looks back at Cletus, smirking]


[shakes head]


Thank you! [grabs the metal coat hanger and goes to work]

As the two men work on the door, the couple put their groceries in their car. Suddenly, they hear a loud screech. The two men pull off quickly. That’s when a person runs into the parking space with grocery bags in their hands, dropping food everywhere, screaming … 


My car!!!

The couple looks at each other in shock, communicating in animated facial expressions. 


You need a ride?


Yeah … follow that car!

This time, the couple communicates in thought-reading, saying …. 


*thinking* Least we can do!


*thinking* Hell nah! If we catch up to them, they gone say we helped them. The hangers are on our receipts, fool. We accessories to the crime, Cletus! Accessories! You too pretty to go to jail, Cletus!

Cletus nods at woman in agreement, then looks at the person, saying … 


You can’t have a ride!

As the couple’s car screeches off quickly, the person picks up a bent-out-of-shape hanger off the ground and throws it at the rear window of the couple’s car. 



12 thoughts on “You Need A Ride? (Twerking At Walmart)”

    1. Too long for a Vine video. I can see this being on YouTube though.

      Thanks for feedback. Just like your friend inspired your parachute posting, a real life encounter of 2 men asking for a hanger when I left Walmart inspired this.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I can’t say. We pulled off. But that’s the direction my mind took it. I asked, “what if they are lying? what if this isn’t their car?” And I built the story from there. This actually happened a year before I actually wrote this post. I have ideas in the back of my head but never act on them because I don’t think it’s ready. I’m glad you liked it 😀


  1. Omg where do I start??
    This is too funny. First let’s start with the name.. CLETUS!!! 😂😂😂 why didn’t the girl have a name?? What would you have names the girlfriend?? Second.. Asian foods,Hispanic foods, Crackers, Chicken and TWERKING. All the guys would go to that Walmart just for that last part.
    Lol and the ending.. Great job.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Originally, no one was named, but when I decided the two car jackers were gone be male I had to distinguish my male (couple) character. Notice the one who got their car stolen is just named PERSON. I left their gender neutral; originally they were male too.

      The woman doesn’t have a name because it wasn’t going to be used in the dialogue by the male (couple) character. Only place I could put it is in place of “baby.” Also, it’s a reason she constantly says his name in her sentences. For some odd reason I personally like that name. I be roleplaying in my apartment with this woman voice and and be arguing with my husband Cletus. Just lil’ funny scenarios. Cletus never talks back.

      While I was doing research I found something on Reddit that said a aisle sign said, Asian Foods, Hispanic Foods and Crackers. It was called Signs of Racism. Therefore, I added Chicken, so blacks wouldn’t be left out, although, Twerking can be considered black too. If you don’t know, Twerking in Walmart is a big thing. Just check YouTube (did I just give myself away?)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol i can see you talking in a woman’s voice and fighting with Cletus lol every time i say that names i have the crazy voice that goes with it lol.. (Thanks mom)
        Cletus is a very smart man not to talk back lol. Yeah i was thinking it had something to do with Racism. Twerking adds a lil more to it i guess but its not just a black thing. Yeah mister you did out yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

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