Shade But No Shade (Blog Wars #1)

If I’m going to die, my last activity will be doing something I love: writing. I’m an English Major, you know.

My name is UnKaren.

My boyfriend just kicked me out.

NYC is not cheap.

No, I don’t have family.

The money I saved from working retail was spent on a New York PATH subway car.

To save on fuel, I parked in the shade of a tree, but Jason-masked-Timberland-wearing thugs vrin vrin cut it down. This happened every time I found a new tree. Where is the lucky tree stump from the Apollo when you need it?

Consequently, I started searching for buildings to protect me from the shade, and each time, the first episode of my favorite TV show (can’t name one; I am a TV junkie) flew a paper plane into it.

So now here I am being exposed to the sun like I need some D! 

I don’t wanna die this way. What did I do to deserve this?

I hear this swoosh sound in the sky and take cover because I’m thinking the first episodes of one of my favorite TV shows is about to start Wild-N-Out. 

But it was a bear driving a blimp with its billboard sides saying, “Because you ignored your future.” 

Then I start thinking about this blogger who I haven’t emailed back. 

It’s been 10 minutes. 

No, not since I emailed him. 

That’s been forever! 

I mean how long I’ve sat in the sun. 

This lady on the outside approaches my vehicle. She opens the door and hands me a one hundred-dollar bill and says, “You have just won the hot kar challenge.” To show my commitment to NOT ignoring people anymore, I grabbed the $100 and walked to the back of my subway and gave it to this woman wearing this gray hoodie, shades, backpack, soulja girl scarf, and who was singing Home from “The Wiz.” 

Sheeeeee looks like she needs it more than I do!

The Retaliation

Titles to upcoming posts:

    Suddenly, Life Happened … (blog wars #2)

      Closed Curtains

      K

      3rd video in my 12 week YouTube Series. Go Subscribe! It’s my Magnum Opus (pun intended):

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      22 thoughts on “Shade But No Shade (Blog Wars #1)”

        1. Duhhhhhhhh! That was the reference! I know that was Brandy Norwood; Ray J’s big sister; the one who did the duet with Monica called “The Boy Is Mine.” Blah, blah, blah. You wear glasses! Did you miss the multiple word link to her YouTube video? Do you think WordPress automatically did that? Umm, no! The point was to describe her without actually saying her name. That was the setup for “Sheeeee looks like she needs this more than I do.” That was the punchline because she was in a homeless person disguise.

          There are many little references in here, particularly about New York. References to Passport Bear, wordplay on your name Karen with. UnKaren/uncaring, reference to the airplane sound a sent email makes on the iPhone, play on words with “Being exposed to the sun like I need some D.” The sun gives you vitamin D but it’s also a sexual innuendo with D being short for “you know” and sun meaning son. Then connecting it to the “hot car challenge.” Then using your own words verbatim from the emails. Why I have to explain all this? “Well, you didn’t have to.” Well, by thinking I didn’t know that was Brandy you made me feel like I had to. ๐Ÿ˜ค I even structured the writing format the same way you do on your blog, i.e. spacing out one-liners.

          So yeah umm…I knew that was Brandy. If I’m going to war, trust me, I’m gone be fully prepared. ๐Ÿ˜พ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ”ช

          Liked by 1 person

      1. Lmaoooooo Is it weird to say that I absolutely love this?? ๐Ÿ˜€ โค It made me laugh seriously and ummm I am bad with email :P. I will try to do better just for you! ๐Ÿ˜€ Thanks for this UnShade of UnKaren Lmaoooooooo

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        1. Damn, you did?! Ugh! I blame my sense of humor for overshadowing my mean-ness. Just know I didn’t write this to make you smile/laugh. Them shots I fired at you was not meant to be blanks. I got something else in the chamber though.

          And hell yeah it’s weird! Really weird. Super duper weird. Weirdest ish of all time ๐Ÿ˜‘

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Yep! Your mean-ness and sense of humor together are great! :D…..I figured it wasn’t meant to make me laugh but I laughed anyway! Muahahaha….I can’t wait for the next one FRIEND! ๐Ÿ˜€

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            1. “Friend.” I can read your sarcasm a thousand miles away. Well the next one not about you. It’s about another blogger who pissed me off. I seriously didn’t write these to make you laugh. This post was inspired from real frustration with your communication. And I knew blogging was the only way to get your attention. I just wanted to be aggressive with my creativity.

              Liked by 1 person

            2. That wasn’t sarcasm, I capitalized it so you know that you are my friend…. ๐Ÿ˜› And well I look forward to seeing it. Aww I know, but it did the opposite. Your aggression was very creative! I need to check email more, and I will do better at that

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            3. It’s no need to now. Just know that stuff I was trying to involve you in will be done alone and WHEN it bears fruit I will broadcast the results all on my blog and say, “We could have did this together.”

              Liked by 1 person

            4. I have one last question before I let you go. Something I’ve been curious about while I was writing this post. You recalled I actually stumbled upon your blog earlier this year and tried to get acquainted with you and it didn’t go well. I unfollowed and went about my business. And now this ACT II is the result of you finding me again after several months. I’m curious to know why? I’m assuming it’s because you wanted to increase your readership.

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            5. Why I readded you? I found you again because I missed the way we interacted. I don’t blog for views. I blog for friends and “family.” I asked myself if I over-reacted to the way I responded to you and decided life is too short to hold grudges so I found you again.

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