My grape soda broke.
I tried to get up and piss out the shattered glass.
But I struggled to get out of bed like a pregnant woman.
No wonder they compare the two pains.
But this isn’t about a hand not wearing a mitt while taking a bun out the oven.
No, this is about a man posing with his hand on his hip like a …
My least favorite suffix is E-R.
Hospitals should run like hotels. Be caring and grant pillow mints, please!
Because, although, I had a reason to be hunched over this time, I’ve been like that on visits. I mean, old people smell funny. Gets me weak and brings me to my knees like a good laugh.
I stopped filling out the application at birthday.
The identifying information reminded me of the time that Gatorade didn’t make me feel like a champion.
That time I was paying myself a visit when I should’ve been paying my sis-sis-sister one. Grrr.
When I started thinking about the out-of-pocket expenses because I didn’t have insurance, I suddenly began to feel Grrr-eat.
I stood up, shoulders relaxed, back straighten, chest poking out and walked out of there like Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network.
I haven’t had to go back in the 7 months since but if I don’t surround myself with water like a Winklevoss twin I’ll be back before you know it.