You’re kidding me, you’re stoned? 

Out of town dinner

 

My grape soda broke.

I tried to get up and piss out the shattered glass.

But I struggled to get out of bed like a pregnant woman.

No wonder they compare the two pains.

But this isn’t about a hand not wearing a mitt while taking a bun out the oven.

No, this is about a man posing with his hand on his hip like a …

My least favorite suffix is E-R.

Hospitals should run like hotels. Be caring and grant pillow mints, please!

Because, although, I had a reason to be hunched over this time, I’ve been like that on visits. I mean, old people smell funny. Gets me weak and brings me to my knees like a good laugh.

I stopped filling out the application at birthday.

The identifying information reminded me of the time that Gatorade didn’t make me feel like a champion.

That time I was paying myself a visit when I  should’ve been paying my sis-sis-sister one. Grrr.

When I started thinking about the out-of-pocket expenses because I didn’t have insurance, I suddenly began to feel Grrr-eat.

I stood up, shoulders relaxed, back straighten, chest poking out and walked out of there like Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network.

I haven’t had to go back in the 7 months since but if I don’t surround myself with water like a Winklevoss twin I’ll be back before you know it.

FY,

Har+new

If you are a fan of Fight Club and particularly the Raymond K Hessul scene please be sure to subscribe. This is Week 11 of 12 of my YouTube series:

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7 thoughts on “You’re kidding me, you’re stoned? ”

    1. Did you read the long comment I left? Went into more detail. Yeah, just read it about online. Kidney stones are always compared to giving birth. I thought I was dying that night.

      Don’t think I didn’t catch your wordplay at the end. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

        1. It happened 7 months ago. I have been having minor aches on my back every time I drink too much soda and not enough water. I almost had an episode last night. This can happen to you too lol so take my advice and drink water lol

          Thank you for commenting 😇😇😇

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Leading up to February 1st of this year, for 3 or 4 days straight, after work, I went to Walgreens and bought a 2 liter grape soda and drink it while the same night. On January 31st (or February 1st technically) I went to bed at 1AM. I woke up at 3AM. I had a sharp intense pain in my back. I tried to move. I couldn’t. Thought it was just a minor cramp from my bad posture when I’m sitting in seats or I slept wrong. I tried laying on my stomach and rolling around but that didn’t work either. I was spitting. I turned on the flashlight app on my phone to see what was I spitting up. I thought it was blood. Felt like I had a bunch of salt in my mouth. Kind of like the after-effects of eating noodles.

    I thought I was dying. My back felt like someone broke into my house while I was in a deep sleep and beat me with a bat. Softly, but hard. I only had my grandma to call. She took me to the E-R. I miraculously started feeling better when we pulled up to the hospital because I knew what I was in for. And the hospital is nowhere from my house. I could have actually walked but come on. I could barely move. I still made it to work. Thank goodness I have a sit-down job!

    Only time I heard of kidney stone is when I read Steve Jobs had it. Said he got it from working hard. So I was still lost on exactly how you get it. The irony in this all is I’ve recently became licensed to sell life and health insurance. And may even work in a hospital as a medical biller/coder. Of course all stepping stones for my YouTube career.

    Like

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