Clever Blogger Sends Boyfriend Creative Breakup Text

Hotel rooftop pool

Tuesday, October 13th, 7:57AM, Wesley received a text from his girlfriend, Shirley, saying “Read my post Man Drives Around Neighborhood In White Van With The Count Puppet And Parents Who Weren’t Afraid Of Their Child Being Kidnapped Saw Improvement In Their Math Scores. Wesley replied, “I didn’t even know you blogged.” After reading the thousand word post, Wesley texted, “I don’t get it.” After being ignored for 6 hours, he went back to the post, saw 73 replies, none belonging to Karen, just 23 of her 871 subscribers, and took his confusion to the comment section:

Hi, umm, I’m Shirley’s boyfriend, Wesley, umm, we been together for like 5 years and she texted me the link to this post, and umm, I never knew she had a blog. I don’t understand why she wanted me to read this. It’s not relevant to my life or our relationship. She can definitely be random at times, but she usually explains herself when I’m confused. This time, though, she is ignoring me, which is why I’m leaving this comment to see if anyone here can make sense of this for me.  From reading everyone else’s comments I can see y’all are equally confused.

But when user, “IHoldFartsInAndBurp” read Wesley’s reply, his confusion was no more:

I been following Shirley’s blog since day one. That was in 2011. She has at least 2,816 articles on here. Notice how exact that number is. Yes, I added up the numbers in the archives widget. Do y’all know why I call her posts The Graceland Wall? Because she never includes photos in her posts; they are just a wall of texts. We talking constant 4 thousand, 5 thousand word posts here. I’m pretty sure she lost a couple of ADD followers. This one clocks in at one thousand words on the dot. This reason why we’re all confused is for the first photo to be featured in her 4-year-old blog, it’s a photo of a cat being adorable in the middle of an unrelated post. I love Internet cats just as much as the next old lady, but it’s like, come on. It’s 500 words before and after the picture. When I saw her boyfriend’s comment, that’s when it hit me. What do those blogging experts say about writing long-form posts that don’t overwhelm the reader? They say complement the words with pictures, right? Now what is that called? A BREAK UP TEXT!!!! Wesley, you have just been dumped in the most cleverest way I ever seen in my life!!! Oh My Gawd!!!! Damnnnnnnn!!!! This is definitely relevant to your life!!! Hahaha. Shirley is the best blogger like EVER!!!! I wouldn’t date her though!!!!

Moments later, Shirley confirmed the theory by replying to the commenter with a monkey covering mouth emoji. 🙊

Built on top of:

  • Just thinking of how so many of my recent posts are without photos and how I wanna write daily

How did you last breakup or get dumped by someone?

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20 thoughts on “Clever Blogger Sends Boyfriend Creative Breakup Text”

        1. I assumed you commented on this post because you saw me post my recent post “Send Nudes-The Sims 4.” I assumed you didn’t like it and just found a post on here you did. Otherwise, I have no idea why you commented on this old post and I have no idea on what you are talking about: “I’m not really busy.” Did I ask? Your comment came out of nowhere and have no context.

          If none of the above is true then you have wacky timing.

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        2. I randomly read your posts. It’s never in sequence lol I comment at random as well.
          Yes, I did watch part of that video but didn’t finish it because I had to leave.
          You asked me if I was busy on my “New Art” post back in December, and at that time I definitely was busy but now I’m not so I was seeing if you needed anything (since I’m super late).

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        3. I don’t recall (says the person who is practicing memory techniques). Maybe that’s the reason you didn’t understand “nunes” since you didn’t finish the 1 minute and 46 second video. It’s a play on the word “nudes” and Amanda Nunes (please tell me you know the woman who hushed the world on December 30th).

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        4. And the irony behind your “I’m not really busy” sentence is it seems like you are responding to a text conversation we may have had on WordPress MONTHS ago. 🐝

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        5. I don’t have Skype. Yeah, I still have you added. Your comics are still up. It wasn’t nothing serious. I just like checking up on people on here I’m used to, especially the ones I been knowing for a while. Just wanted to make sure things are going well.

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