Tuesday, October 13th, 7:57AM, Wesley received a text from his girlfriend, Shirley, saying “Read my post Man Drives Around Neighborhood In White Van With The Count Puppet And Parents Who Weren’t Afraid Of Their Child Being Kidnapped Saw Improvement In Their Math Scores. Wesley replied, “I didn’t even know you blogged.” After reading the thousand word post, Wesley texted, “I don’t get it.” After being ignored for 6 hours, he went back to the post, saw 73 replies, none belonging to Karen, just 23 of her 871 subscribers, and took his confusion to the comment section:
Hi, umm, I’m Shirley’s boyfriend, Wesley, umm, we been together for like 5 years and she texted me the link to this post, and umm, I never knew she had a blog. I don’t understand why she wanted me to read this. It’s not relevant to my life or our relationship. She can definitely be random at times, but she usually explains herself when I’m confused. This time, though, she is ignoring me, which is why I’m leaving this comment to see if anyone here can make sense of this for me. From reading everyone else’s comments I can see y’all are equally confused.
But when user, “IHoldFartsInAndBurp” read Wesley’s reply, his confusion was no more:
I been following Shirley’s blog since day one. That was in 2011. She has at least 2,816 articles on here. Notice how exact that number is. Yes, I added up the numbers in the archives widget. Do y’all know why I call her posts The Graceland Wall? Because she never includes photos in her posts; they are just a wall of texts. We talking constant 4 thousand, 5 thousand word posts here. I’m pretty sure she lost a couple of ADD followers. This one clocks in at one thousand words on the dot. This reason why we’re all confused is for the first photo to be featured in her 4-year-old blog, it’s a photo of a cat being adorable in the middle of an unrelated post. I love Internet cats just as much as the next old lady, but it’s like, come on. It’s 500 words before and after the picture. When I saw her boyfriend’s comment, that’s when it hit me. What do those blogging experts say about writing long-form posts that don’t overwhelm the reader? They say complement the words with pictures, right? Now what is that called? A BREAK UP TEXT!!!! Wesley, you have just been dumped in the most cleverest way I ever seen in my life!!! Oh My Gawd!!!! Damnnnnnnn!!!! This is definitely relevant to your life!!! Hahaha. Shirley is the best blogger like EVER!!!! I wouldn’t date her though!!!!
Moments later, Shirley confirmed the theory by replying to the commenter with a monkey covering mouth emoji. 🙊
Built on top of:
- Just thinking of how so many of my recent posts are without photos and how I wanna write daily