Which Mike Myers Are You? 

FADE IN

INT. PAPA JOHN’S – HALLOWEEN AFTERNOON

GIRL

Are you in line?

GUY

I’m sitting down.

GIRL

Okay, you can still be in line.

GUY

How?

GIRL

You could be sitting down waiting until you were next.

GUY

No. If I was in line I would be standing up behind her.

GIRL

Okay, you don’t got to get an attitude.

GUY

I don’t have an attitude. You initiated this conversation.

GIRL

And I’m gone finish it!

GUY

You ain’t finishing shit!

GIRL

Keep talking and I’ma have my boy cousin come in here and knock your ass out. Four-eyed!

GUY

3rd grader!

EMPLOYEE

Guy and gal, will y’all please settle it down, or take it outside. We don’t need all this commotion.

GIRL

He too scared to come out outside.

GUY

That would be correct … if my pizza was done. It’s not.

EMPLOYEE

Pickup or delivery?

GIRL

Pickup.

EMPLOYEE

What’s the name?

GIRL

Darin.

EMPLOYEE

Your order is done. That’ll be $16.49.

GIRL

Maybe yours would have been done too, and we wouldn’t have met like this  if you placed your  order on the phone instead of inside. And all this time I thought people who wore glasses were smart. See you later four-eyes!

GUY

… 

EMPLOYEE

Pickup for Neal.

GUY

Yes. 

EMPLOYEE

That’ll be $8.76

GUY

You know, If it’s for pickup, y’all shouldn’t put a customer’s name on the pizza box. Gonna get someone hurt one day. 

EXT. HOUSE – HALLOWEEN NIGHT

GIRL

Hey trick-or-treater! Blue velvet suit, platform shoes, white mask, kitchen knife. Which Mike Myers are you? Couldn’t choose, huh? Well, you are not alone. Austin Powers and Halloween are my two favorites movies, so I understand. But you are missing an accessory. Please don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not a movie critic, but I can be a fashionista at times. However, I do understand why you wouldn’t wear them since you have the mask on. 

PERSON OF INTEREST

*pulls out brown case*

GIRL

Yassssssss honey the glasses! 

FADE TO BLACK

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