The most important sit-up
Is when I get up
The most important stretch
Is when I yawn and the person I made it official with holds my hand when my arms are over my head
I didn’t get a chance to exercise my demons because their heads fell out of rotation stretching their necks
As if I care to fight fair with nightmares, hell no!
I don’t give a diddly squat
Even Ned Flanders played the devil
Did he? Yup!
In your Krispy Kreme dreams will I let these aliens prevent me from becoming the next Ridley Scott
Sleeping with your eyes open is the style to me
Especially when your dreams become a reality
“So, how come you don’t kiss me with your eyes open if I’m your dream girl?”
Lizzy, stop it, okay, you know you’re my world
Stop being a creep!
Every time I dream of flying my pillow gets a feather
So that sit-up isn’t really a sit-up if I’m already sitting up cause my head is propped so high it’s like I’m sitting in a chair
It’s not 400 degreez, how the hell we suppose to break the damn ice talking about weather?
Our phones doing jumping jacks and about to go splat
I knee tuck jumped out of bed
She pushed up her bra and jumped on my back, and I quote, “If you give me a piggyback ride to the kitchen I’ll feed on your neck.”
Hay hay hay now!
So you expect for me to be able to walk while you eat like we some tread meal?
You know damn well that piggyback will turn into a horseback that will turn into a bareback that will turn into a broke-back
Tender love Chili chhhhhill
I got bacon for a mouth as a thank you for that piggyback ride
As well as pancake for a face, whipped cream for a nose, and sunny-side up eggs for eyes
I call it my happy breakfast
Mean mug sitting next to it
My coffee mug says, “Once you go black you never go back.”
That made me afraid to start
‘Cause the cream I poured into my coffee formed into what I recognize as a heart
The handle looks like half a heart so it’s a love handle
And I know this is too hot to handle
Yeah, too hot to handle
So I’ll show proof by uploading a front and side view to Snapchat
I figure these mugshots will do numbers that ain’t half bad
Walking out the big house with long strides to see Lizzy prison posing by the hood
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! I swear to God freedom never felt so fuckin’ good
Goo goo D
Orange jumpsuits the new black tuxedos
“Boy, you’re so dope”
You’re my heroin with the extra E
“Are you trying to out-drug-addict me?”
Girl, you don’t want this smoke!
- Nowhere To Go (about Taco Bell …again)
- Toys R Us (recently found out they closed all their stores and thought of a short, sweet post. I’m using Sims 4 for this one)
- Headhunters movie review (first movie I watched with subtitles)
- 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri movie review
- If parents were paid for what they do (originally planned for Mother’s Day)
- The night I got stabbed 17 times in the mouth … by Doritos
- Not getting paid on time 2 weeks in a row … and killing my boss. In fact, I’m writing this on the run. Sorry for any typos. My auto-coreck want eve cum to my restq. Can u blam it? I curfew it out one two mini tines. Dat’s a little or dat’s a lot! A pair rently, it’s a lot!
- A bunch of other movie reviews
- WordPressident #14 to Infinity
- Not enough female influence?
- Rachel Zane vs. Megan Markle
- 10 Annoying Things Gay People Did During “Pride Month”
- A bunch of drafts from 2013
Note: Some of these will be standalone, incorporated within a bigger post or just scrapped altogether. Probably the last one.