Category Archives: Creative Writing

Chicken Sexer

Raw chicken
Or a white couple on a mission
The drumsticks are her legs wrapped around his waist
As if she’s trying to keep his pants on, haha, too little, too late

The bottom where the cockerel at
Because in 4 minutes the bun in the oven taking the top rack
The oven window fogged up
Opening the door will get ya hot and bothered

Roast chicken
Or a black couple in position
The wings are her arms wrapped around his back
The nails dig in when it’s time to eat, fruit roll-up tongue looking like a snack

Somebody done ate too much
Now you gotta unbutt, unbutt, unbutt
Somebody took many many licks
Now you gotta unzip, unzip, unzip
Somebody had too much sauce
Why don’t you just take your pants off, off, off

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Where On The Doll Did He Touch You?

Where on the Barbie doll did he touch you?
The pessimist manicured fingernail points to the cup full
Before I could chug along she made me spit out, ‘what, two?!’
Where else on the Barbie doll did he touch you?
Turn it over, flip it around? Ermahgerd! A finger up the butt too?!
Just when I was losing all hope
I ask the same question to a different girl than befo’
“Play with another doll, Barbz doesn’t have a soul”
If he made you feel alive why did you let him go?
“Was a good guy but I pointed at Chucky’s back hi-de-ho”
“And it cost me dearly, I pointed at the arm and leg on G.I. Joe”
Got a rise outta her when I pointed at the armpits on Elmo
Nananananananana-no
That meant I wanna wrap my arm around you and console
“Or you’re trying to put me under your wing to smell your Dove”
It’s Speed Stick, and I pointed at Passport Bear’s cockpit, that’s why you only get half-a-hug

Hush Puppies (WordPresident #19)

Warning: Only people with high iq and big pp will understand the following dankness:

I call ‘em defeated

My dogs are barking in these hush puppies

Dr. Scholl sho’ can talk to animals, said this little piggy didn’t go “wee-wee” when the tears piss bolted to the booties you’re in, the boar cried woof

Foot counting sheep, I’m sleep-walking catching Z’s

The cousin of six-feet-deep easy as A-B-C-1-2-3, when in one position long enough

That’s why the cousin of life is relocation

Even if it’s the same job, least it come with different faces

My boss don’t care if I can barely move

I want a boss that’ll send me home without a box

Now I’m on a busty bus keeping abreast of bottoms up – when they no longer sitting abreast I’m flying like a Great Tit but aww shucks I don’t have strong feet like ‘em and gotta use the poles for support

Then I heard “I’m seeing how you gotta use your hands son. Why don’t you take a seat right over there?” I wanted to bounce these checks

The 13’s, legs open, tongue out, ca-ream, but running back in these kicks isn’t a chief asset

And so the seat got taken from me like a game of musical chairs

I was listening to the 3rd song on Good Girl Gone Bad

I guess they was between “Something In The Way” and “Endless, Nameless”

Uhhh nevermind this is my stop

Rose Petals In The Snow (NSFC-hristmas)

Severed foot in my stocking stuffer
Santa Clause walking with a candy cane
Ol’ Saint Nick down with the swirl
Pull him up by his salt and pepper beard with cookie crumbs in it
“You got a cherry nose because you are what you eat”
Force feed him more deer meat
Now, Dasher! Oh, that made your designer belt pop!
Now, Dancer! Whoa, that made your little round belly shake like a hoe hoe hoe!
Now Prancer and Vixen! Slay slay slay!
On, Comet! Feeling a little out of this world, are we?
On, Cupid! Aww, that’s going straight to the heart!
On, Donner and Blitzen! Santa ain’t real, if I’m lying may God strike me in half
Tik-tok tik-tok
Nothing, because he’s as real as you
Leave the way you came
Oh, Santa’s gained weight and stuck in the chimney
Wait a minute!
Santa’s lost weight ‘cause of the Chronic Wasting Disease and now a chimichanga
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna … haha

Santa got stuck going down the chimney head first
Rayne, dear, I ain’t pulling your leg, but when the reindeer was pulling his leg it only made matters worse
Santa logged in and his hair caught fire
The black-and-blonde-haired-kids were cracking up and called him a ginger, the elf on the shelf replied a …
“That’s not nice” (na-na-na-na)
“That’s not nice” (un-un-un-un)
Run, run, but Santa couldn’t catch his breath and the wind lost to fire
All bent outta shape like a candy-cane about being round and quickly getting tired
He was resting on hay bale in some barn when a cow approached him
“I want to eat 2% of you” Santa roasts him
“I’m not a real Ginger, moolie
“So, you just gone ignore the whi- This, I know, because they have better insults than that, Wendy’s Twitter account schooled me”
“Give up them cookies, punk!” “Who me?!”
“I’m a fucking man, that’s a ‘no forever’ “
“I don’t mean pussy, we don’t go together, I want them chocolate chips, I mean, WE go together
But you may wanna stay away from the other side of the barn, it’s a horse over there who likes to rap about how hung he is
But you didn’t hear that coming from my mouth or my bum, see this?
That’s where the foxes are, you know, those little skanks
Don’t walk in those regions if you ain’t gotta checking account with River Bank
If you broke, no worries, go take some dough from this old couple
But, just know, them pigs don’t like getting up from snorting they snow, and y’all too fat to tussle
You know what, fuck the struggle!
How about this hustle?
Just tell the grands you wanna make some extra Christmas money with your shovel
I’m sure they’ll love you, I’m sure, I’m sure”

Pedaling in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I see rose petals in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Hopeless romantic hopeful (go-go-go-go-go-go)
Follow your heart, un-huh, follow-follow your heart
The last petal in the snow, un-un-un-un, is loves me not (no-no-no-no-no-no)
Now it’s more red in the snow (more red, more-more-more red)
Bloody Merry Christmas
Or should I say Bloody Mary EXmas? (whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa)

  • Work in Progress: Sidewalks of New York (Part 2)

  • Check the comment section an hour after this post publishes for a big YouTube update (if you care about my journey)

WordPressident #8

Secret handshake doorknob fingernail in keyhole
Secret shhh sounds of the ocean fisheye lens peephole
Door opens ehhh ship my pants watching shit’s creek/creak flow
Crying a river tears salty crackers Soylent Green is people
We gotta stop them somehow, Detective Thorn stood tall
I’m doing my part, making good calls
Like when this hood broad stripped everything she could off, unhooked bras
On cam nudes tons/Cam Newton captioned one photo “load my box with your foot…balls”
I said they don’t call me Passport Bear for nothing/nuttin’ and took off
Leave need ta fish her/Lenita Fisher troubled water is the place to be
Gotta do what I can do/candle too much pondering and it’s too late/lake for me
Cause some pool shark already dock ter/daughter and if the current don’t leave the cat alone uh/Catalonia like a bat I’m gone ’cause I can handle one but two not what my population needs
Come on safety please, talks of moving on, boyfriend trails her/trailer making me
Think Ock her man/Aquaman not in the picture I guess I gotta wait and see/sea
March 25th? Try April, these …
Matters are very taxing, an-noying
The one word that stopped country grammar from being the black girl with the Asian name boyfriend
Thought I took an arrow to the heart, fun gurney/journey adventure
It’s funny cause she has a knee problem as if she took one and got injured
I mean, was I wrong for thinking joint venture?
If somebody came back in your life after 3, 4 years wouldn’t you think y’all would go from natural to dentures?
And before you declare me a dead man coming for my chin cause I went at your shins you should know I’m a leg man
And whether true or false you called yourself Aquafina because you stay wet mam
I don’t go chasing waterfalls like them scrubs you use to my humor is just deadpan
Dish it out but can’t take it
Expressionless at who ya wanna leave faceless
So when you see me form a fist I’ma steal on ya and yell I GOT YA NOSE
Then pull that stick out like a sore thumb and beat you so bad with it POP ya whole …
family tree fall like leaves except timber/September she ought umm/Autumn roll
But before I say goodbye no wordplay Saela I miss ya
I rather write a third poem than a third blog war, dismissal/this missile

Kiss Peace 💋✌🏾

Google Me: June 23, 2015

Rest in peace Dick Van Patten. Eight Is Enough was modeled after syndicated newspaper columnist Thomas Braden or Tom Brady for short. The NFL quarterback plays for the New England Patriots. They’re based in the Greater Boston area. There’s currently a tornado warning for parts of Massachusetts. 

Sharon Osbourne returns to The Talk after a month-long hiatus. Her daughter, Kelly Osbourne, filled in for her absence back in March. The former host of “The Fashion Police.” What do they think of the Yeezy Boost 350 and Matt Bomer in his Giorgio Armani suit for the Made To Measure campaign? 

Tori Kelly‘s Unbreakable Smile was released today. She made Sam Smith cry one time. He’s one of the headliners of Music Midtown 2015

Last night, Don Lemon held up a Confederate flag, and then a placard with the word “NIGGER” on it, and posed a question: “Does this offend you?” Maya Rudolph did a spot on Rachel Dolezal impression and answered “yes.”

And you should totally buy the Amazon Echo…echo. 

Episode 5 of my Youtube channel premieres tomorrow. To those with ADD, it will be the shortest video I released thus far.

Awakening

To: Cj 31

My dearest Cj 31, You are closer to me now than when we first met. I can see you picking up the pieces from the past three years of your life. You have seen some dark days; days I could not prepare you for. And you felt pain that cut deep to the core of your soul. I heard your screams from nine years away. And during that time you blocked me out – trapped in the darkness of your experiences. I watched you sleep-walking through your days. I watched you at nights when you twisted in your sleep – disturbed by dark memories of the past that your mind replayed. And I watched, always frustrated that I cannot tell you if nine years from now you will be just fine. So I waited. I tapped on your shoulders and you shuffled. I tapped again and you answered. I was so happy that you finally responded to me so that I could let you know that:

Life teaches us…because you will never be able to put the broken pieces together again you must cleanbroken glass up and move on. Remember that the cleaning up process is different every time. Don’t compare one process to the next. It keeps you stuck. Sometimes you will get out of the situation unscathed. Other times – you will feel great pain; the sharp edges of the glass will cut you deep or the splinters will penetrate your flesh and you will bleed. This is not a reason to leave the  broken parts of your life untouched because it is only through cleaning up that you will learn the techniques of removing the splinters (the source of your pain). In time you will. 

Heal.

Cj 31, I see you picking up the pieces. I am still frustrated that I cannot disclose whether I am now proudAwakening of you. But I want you to know that I see you picking up the broken pieces. I see you.

Awakening.

 

Futuristically yours,

Cj40.