Category Archives: Episodes

It’s not what it looks like 

FADE IN

EXT. OUTSIDE – DAY

A couple strolls along the sidewalk. The woman attempts to light a cigarette but the wind blows out her flame. She attempts this 2 more times without success. The man stops and holds both sides of his jacket open and forward. The woman bends over to shelter her flame so she can light her cigarette. A cop car slowly drives pass, stops, rolls down his window, and looks at the couple in disbelief. The man realizes the awkward position he is in. 

Man – Officer, it’s not what it looks like. 

The woman, while still hunched over, looks back with a cigarette dangling off her lips. 

Officer – Oh, it’s not what it looks like, huh? [starts to open his car door and exit the vehicle] On the fence, spread ’em! No, no, close them! Fucking freaks! Y’all probably wanted me to see y’all so I can provide the handcuffs. All out in the opening, I tell ya. 

Man – Officer, I’m telling you, it’s not what it looked like. Windy, blowing … 

Officer – And you got the nerve to confess Wendy was blowing ya, shut the fuck up! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you filthy pig. There are innocent kids all around, ya know that. 

A little girl runs up on the officer and tugs at his jacket. 

Little Girl – Officer, officer…

Officer – Wait little girl …

Little Girl – Please, it’s an emergency.,

Officer – You okay? What’s wrong?

Little Girl – What size shoe you wear ?

Officer – 7. Why? 

Little Girl runs back to her friends and start giggling. 

Officer – The fuck was that about?

Woman – [talking with cigarette in her mouth] Innocence. 

FADE OUT

Head Roll

“Harold, you up?”

He didn’t question me because he heard noise coming from my room. He asked because the noise coming from outside my room probably woke me. The shouting match. The yelling back and forth. I hate when my parents fight. 

I wasn’t worried about staying still. My body was in sleep-mode. I felt paralyzed from the neck down, but from the neck up I wanted to stratch my goatee because I had the covers pulled up to my chin. Lying on my left side, I wanted to rub my face across the pillow, but squinting at the full body mirror in the corner my dad’s head was still midway through the doorway as if he was waiting on me to say, “yeah, I’m up.”

“Is he up, gUerilla?”

That’s probably why they were fighting. Mom must forgot to take off her heels to hide her club-going before she stepped back in the house, and dad’s back must be bothering him again. Her head poked through above his. Yeah, mom’s drunk. She’s slurring her words. She usually pronounce dad’s pet name with O instead of U. And is she THAT wasted to not see where my bed is? Why is her head turned the opposite way in this weird angle? 

“Is bruh bruh up?”

I guess the fighting didn’t wake him; his growth spurt did and he wanted to surprise me with the exciting news. My little brother’s head poked through the doorway over mom and dad. 

My family knows I think before I speak, but thus far, I have given the impression I’m sound asleep. So, why the hell are they still hanging out in my doorway? 

It was starting to scare me! 

My dad needs a chiropractor. 

My mom is still looking in the wrong direction. 

My little brother’s a giant. 

After an intense, awkward 3 minutes and 23 seconds (I know this because of my alarm clock) the whites of their eyes and teeth disappeared into the darkness. 

I gotta lock my door. 

As I was TRYING to get up, my head rolled out of bed. 

How He Became Mr. Popular

FADE IN

INT.  HOUSE – NIGHT

As a bloodied man crawls on the floor in pain, flashbacks of a laughing baby crawling on the floor shows

The crawling man bumps into a shelf and books fall on him. The man lifts a book off his chest that reads Reincarnation Incarceration. As the man opens the book the camera pans around its cover transitioning to a book held upside down by a baby.

The man takes a balloon out his pocket, and as he is blowing it up, a kid looking at his mother pointing to the sky shows.

The man removes several band-aids from his pocket and places them on the balloon in a facial recognition format. As he does this, in a flashback, a mother puts a band-aid on a crying child.

As the man kisses the balloon on the mouth, a flashback of a boy kissing and hugging a teddy bear shows.

An impersonation of Heath Ledger’s Joker is then heard.

“Do you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the little emotions. In … you see, in the their last moments, people show you who they really are.”

The impersonator switches to his natural voice to say the following line, “turn around and beg for mercy, you coward.”

The man rolls on his back with a terrifying look that quickly transitions to a smirk. As he struggles to puts up his middle finger, a flashback of a boy making the same gesture to a bully shows.

The impersonator slices off the man’s finger. As the camera does a close-up on the severed finger you hear a cackle followed by grunts and growls in the background.

The impersonator sees the balloon by the dead body and tries to burst it by stomping on it, but it slips underneath his shoe. He tries again and this time falls on the floor, dropping his knife. He picks his knife back up and tries to stab the balloon on the floor but it keeps slipping away. He picks the balloon up and turns it around where the band-aids are. The mouth on the balloon smirks. As the impersonator gasps in shock the balloon flies into his mouth conforming itself to the trachea, blocking the airway and the ability for the impersonator to breathe.

FADE OUT

Pumpkin Balloon

No Labels (My Gatorade Commercial)

FADE IN

EXT. ROADSIDE – MORNING

Slightly out-of-breath man rips label off Gatorade bottle and throws it in the middle of street. The wind blows and keeps the label at pace with the man’s footsteps. He notices. The wind picks up, causing the label to fly ahead. In the man’s mind, he thinks the label is trying to beat him to the finish line. 

Man

Oh, you wanna race?

The man runs but the wind on the roadside compared to the middle of the street seems to blow in opposite directions, as if blowing him back and pushing the label forward. The label somehow enlarges and gets stuck between two light poles. The man runs through it, ripping it in half, holding his hands up. 

Man

Yes!

When he turns around he sees a stranger running toward him with a Gatorade cooler, as if they’re about to dump it on him. The man removes his shirt as if he is prepared to fight. A white release dove lands on the man’s shoulders with a stick between its feet. The man grabs the stick and holds it in his hand as the stranger steadily approaches. 

MAN

Come on!

The stranger gives the man a Gatorade Shower while he uses the bird as soap and sings into the stick.

FADE OUT