Remember that quandary you found yourself in late February where you was gone be without a cellphone until you got “William H. Macy” back? Which, by the way, was gone take over a week. That was an opportunity. An opportunity to take a much needed vacation from your distracting cellphone. Something you didn’t get until you was, what, 20? Yet, it’s become your sixth finger like it’s been with you since twelve. *sigh* It’s the year 2040 and I don’t own a damn cellphone. I know what you thinking … “How did the Android get its Humanity back? I did it in 5 simple steps.
Turn your phone off an hour before bed
Har+new : Why are you sleeping with your phone?
Har-old : I use it for …
Har+new : Why, when you have an ACTUAL alarm clock?
Har-old : Yeah, but …
Har+new : Is it because you don’t wanna disrupt that comfortable sleeping position it took 5 minutes of tossing and turning to find by walking your lazy ass across the room to unwrap the cord from around the alarm clock to plug it up?
Har-old : Well …
Har+new : Or is it ’cause your phone have better alarm sounds than Ant! Ant! Ant! ?
Har-old : Wait …
Har+new : Shut up! You’re never going to be a part of the 6AM Club if you don’t turn off your phone an hour before bed. DO IT!
Stop being cellphone crazy
Har-old : Hey, you wanna have a debate?
Har+new : Ooooh about Malaysia Jet theories?
Har-old : Who cares about that? I mean, like which one you think is better … Android or iPhone?
Har+new : How about I have detectives debating about your mysterious disappearance? Giggity!
Next scene …
Har+new : Why are you holding your phone like that?
Har-old : I’m taking a picture of you.
Har+new : *smacks phone out hand* Buy a damn camera!
Next scene …
Har+new : Gee! I hope I didn’t give you low self esteem. Why are you looking down like that?
Har-old : Oh no! I’m texting!
Har+new : *smacks phone out hand* Write them a damn letter.
Next scene …
Har+new : So you so mad at me you gone talk to your phone now?
Har-old : No, I’m Facetiming.
Har+new : *raises hand*
Har-old : *flinches*
Har+new : *thinks to self* Witnesses!
I wrote this letter by hand and mailed it out to you. But I also typed it out so you can read it now.
This cannot wait!
You don’t have to read the mailed letter when it arrives. In fact, you may not be able to.
The handwriting indecipherable. The style bizarre. The spelling shaky.
I’m worried about you.
And I just want you to see it in the crooked lines, the undotted I’s, the uncrossed T’s, the unclosed O’s.
I’m sorry for not writing you in 5 months. I know you concluded it to me being “busy.” Remember when I took my 1st hiatus from writing you and I said I would always have time for you? Well, it’s true! Please don’t be upset with me when I say this, but these past 5 months have been deliberate. *flinch* Please don’t hurt me! Please! I know you’re gonna blame me for your transgressions since October. Trust me, you don’t know how many times I wanted to step in and save you from a possible demise. We are one, you know.
I cannot take it anymore!
And this is really the gist of this letter. You just needed to read my words again. To know I still care about you. That I, the future you, is still burning bright.
You are bleeding. Leaking. I need to patch your wounds up. There is no coincidence about you falling apart in my absence.
I’ve read old letters and feel like I know what the disconnect is. Majority of them are more bread than meat. That’s why subsequent ones will be of actionable intelligence. Like in a list style. Steps to executing the ideas and thus bringing us closer. The 1st of these is titled How To Gradually Live Without Your Phone. You will notice these new letters to have a more personal tone as I will write them by hand first.
Paper and pen is doing it with love 🙂
P.S. No matter if it’s 10 or a thousand words, I will write you. Sometimes I get caught up in length being quality. Well, no more! Shorter letters will also allow me to write you more. Another thing I get caught up in is writing for a broader audience when the letters say DEAR HAR-OLD. Make no mistake about it, you are my biggest reader. I do not care for their “likes” and comments. For now on, there won’t be guesses to who I’m writing for.
Uncle Leo: Everybody saying I’m moving too fast.
Har-old: You’re not moving fast enough, if you ask me! Did they spend 32 years in jail? Did they miss their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s?
Uncle Leo: That’s how I feel. I’m moving too slow. I need to get my driving license, my social security card, my own place. I got a lot to do.
Har-old: You not only have to make up for the past 32 years but you’re at an age associated with death. People my age, we in good health, we look good, our belief is we will live forever and got all the time in the world to get things done. People your age walk with canes, have wrinkles on their face, need other people to take care of them. These are signs of deterioration and that you don’t have much time left. You made it through 32 years of prison. Now, you have to make it in a world that is different from the 70’s and 80’s. You know, many employers don’t hire people over 35. You can’t get no “good job” because you’re a felon. You have no choice but to be an entrepreneur and make your leather company work for you.
Har-old, what if your ambition made people say, “you’re moving too fast!” What if your actions made people say, “Slow down!” What if death associated itself with you through other means like diseases and cancers? What if being an entrepreneur was NOT by choice but by FORCE in order for you to eat?
Har+new: Let me show you something cool. Follow me to the bathroom. Fill this tray up with hot water. Make sure every cube is filled to the top.
Har-old: What’s next?
Har+new: I want you to walk to the refrigerator and put the tray in the freezer.
Har+new: Why are you walking so slow?
Har-old: I don’t want to spill any water on the floor. Okay, now what?
Har+new: We wait!
2 hours later
Har+new: It’s time! Take the tray out the freezer.
Har-old: Whoa! The water turned into these little ice cubes. And the cubes are cold instead of hot.
Har+new: Now, carry the tray back to the bathroom.
Har+new: Why are you walking so fast now?
Har-old: Because I don’t have to worry about spilling any water on the floor. Okay?
Har+new: Take the cubes out the tray. What’s wrong?
Har-old: They’re hard to get out.
Har+new: Any means necessary!
Har-old: Let me try bending the tray. One popped out. Hmmm… let me try hitting it up against the counter. Two popped out. I got an idea. Let me try running some hot water over it to …
Har+new: Enough! Take a drink of this glass of hot water.
Har+new: Trust me!
Har+new: Now put the cubes that did pop out in it and take another sip.
Har-old: Much better!
Har+new: You know why I made you do all of this?
Har+new: Your emotions are the liquid form of water. You want to harden your emotions to gain and maintain power but the walk from the fountain to the freezer is a slow process. You have to be patient. You keep running to the freezer spilling water everywhere then get mad when the tray is empty and have to go all the way back to the fountain. Once you take your time on this journey, you have to be patient again because you will have to wait on the freezer to solidify your water, turning it into cubes. Once that happens, you will get thatfixed positive response I always talk about. Seven of these cubes represent the positive emotions; the other seven the negative emotions. Make sure those negative ones need the tray to be bent, slammed against the counter, hot water ran across it to pop out of the tray.
P.S. Thanks to August, Great American Junkie, and Angel for keeping FY active during my 2 week absence!
*Tuesday, July 16, 2013*
Har-old: *checks mailbox* He said no later than Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. My check is not in here!
Har+new: The mailman runs twice a day; it’ll probably be in there later.
Later that day …
Har-old: *checks mailbox* Where is it???
*Wednesday, July 17, 2013*
Har-old: *checks mailbox* Second time checking it today … still nothing!
*Thursday, July 18, 2013*
Har-old: *checks mailbox* …
Har+new: Why won’t you just call?
Har-old: I’m scared …
Har-old: … to hear “This number is no longer in service.”
*Friday, July 19, 2013*
Har-old: *checks mailbox* Okay, now I’m calling!
Har+new: Thank you! What are you doing?
Har-old: Going on their website to see what’s corporation number. Since they said they’ll be mailing my check, I’m calling them.
Har+new: No! Just call them!
Har-old: Shhh …
*45 minutes later*
Har+new: What’s wrong?!?!
Har-old: I’ve been scammed.
Har-old: This man said they’re not the corporation of anything! They’re just a website people go on if they want to buy the wax or get info on it. He said they do not have offices around the country that hire people to sell this stuff in front of gas stations! Everything he said has matched up with my experience with them, especially when he said they may pack up their bags and leave town. Nick did say he was going back to Florida. Told me I need to retrace my steps, gather evidence I actually worked there before I get police involved. Told me instead of calling a number I found on a website I should’ve called them to see if the number is still in service … you know what, that’s what I’m about to do!
*8 minutes later*
Har+new: What happened???
Har-old: HR told me they remember mailing my check out. I asked her to confirm my address they had on file.
Har-old: Right address … just my apartment number missing. So, that was probably my mistake. She said the post office don’t keep mail and they return to sender but it wasn’t there. Said if they have to re-issue the check, it may take weeks. Weeks I don’t have! But told me to first check with the leasing office to make sure it isn’t in there.
Har+new: Well, come on!
*3 minutes in leasing office*
Har+new: What they say?
Har-old: It’s not in there!
Leasing Lady: Har-old, come back!!!
Leasing Lady 2: Is this what you were looking for? *holds up white envelope*
Har-old: *smile of relief* Yesss!
Leasing Lady 2: The mailman JUST delivered it.
Har+new What an ending!
*back at the apartment*
Har+new: Open it up!
Har-old: Okay, here goes … *pulls check from envelope* Exactly what I expected!
Har+new: And, what’s that?
Har-old: Not the $300 base pay I was guaranteed! Not the $297 I made in the field! It’s the 30%.
Har+new: How much???
Har-old: 67 bleeping dollars and 41 cents!
Har+new: Wooooo! Alright!
Har-old: The hell you’re so happy for?
Har+new: You should be smiling too! This moment is historic! Don’t you get it? It took you 2+ years to make this. You started this journey over 2 years ago, remember? You wanted a job that was gone prepare you for the role of CEO of your own company so you almost exclusively applied to customer service, marketing, and sales jobs. You went through 16 of them!!! Chasing ghosts with AT&T U-Verse; playing the call-me-back game with Paul; getting fired after moving to another cubicle because you didn’t want to sit next to a racist. This is it! This is history! I want you to take a dollar out of this check and frame it.
*one bank run later*
Har+new: It isn’t wrinkled from being passed down generation after generation like your $1. It doesn’t have a Riddler-green bat signal on the back like your $20. It looks like … the ordinary dollar bill. If I mixed it with some other dollars, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It has no mark of importance!
Har-old: Are you suggesting I write on it? ‘New, this dollar needs to be spent more than saved right now!
Har+new: *holds dollar up* This dollar tells a story. It’s the story of YOUR persistence! If you spend this dollar, you waste 2 years … of trying. *throws dollar in Har-old’s face and walks away*
Alexander wouldn’t have been “The Great” without his extreme hatred for his father. Har-old, the only reason you resumed talks with your human father is because of your inability to control your emotions. The girl. The job. In fact, that’s the only reason you break the silence with many. You’re better at controlling your positives. What are you running from? Yourself! Me! Why you believe externals have ALL the answers to your questions, kid? Like they’re gonna say something that’s gonna make the pain go away! If you would take self-inventory you will conclude that they NEVER say anything magical. It’s always YOU! Yes! You use them as a wall. You bounce ideas off them. They’re your straight man! But it’s always you who delivers the hard-hitting punchline! YOU! Next time you’re feeling any of the seven major negative emotions: fear, jealously, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition, or anger, I want you to find a loud room where you can hear yourself think, step up your thinking with sex and/or food, look in the mirror, say my name, and we will have the best conversation of all time. :*