Category Archives: Journal

Self-letter

3 Salty Reasons You Miss The Fries at the Bottom of the Bag

Leftovers from this song. What, you thought I was gonna cook you up something new? Haaa! Nah, but, speaking of that post, I want to take y’all behind the scenes of its structure. It’s in 3 parts. 3 parts that symbolize the 3 breaks you get at work. The beginning is your lunch break. Then after the chorus it’s your 15 minute break. Then the outro represents the last hour of work and finally flying out that door like you should be doing right now. It’s 5. Yeah, thought went into this. I’m so strategic you wouldn’t believe it-50 Cent

You eat out the bag

“For dine-in or take-out?” “Take out.” Half-way out the door you change your mind and sit. Do you A) Turn the bag into a makeshift serving tray by ripping one side of the bag open? Or do you B) Just eat out the bag, reaching back and forth? Choosing the latter will have you throwing away a few French fry crumbs, unless, of course, you treat the bag like a bag of chips and pour the fragments in your mouth. Be sure to shut your eyes from the salt.

The color of the napkins and the bottom of the bag

From watching fast food workers bag my items over the years, I’ve noticed they always put the napkins in the bag last. I assume this is because, say, if they put them in first they may get wet with grease stains. When I eat out the bag I don’t take the napkins out; I just move them around the bag as I pick out what I want. In the end they always end up on the bottom. Restaurant napkins are what color usually? A plain brown. What color is the inside of the bag usually? Same thing. So when the napkins are at the bottom they could be covering at least 9 fries.

You are use to being skimped on fries

With McNuggets, you know there are 10 or 20 pieces. With a Double Quarter Pounder, you know it will have two beef patties. Since there isn’t an exact number of fries that’s suppose to go in the carton, the person on the fries, and you, judge them by weight and how they look in the box. If you can see any of the white and yellow stripes on the inside they aren’t full. And for God’s sake, wear your glasses when you’re doing this or the yellow stripes will look like fries. Last thing we need is you eating cardboard. Sometimes when you do get those overflowing fries two things can happen to make you feel like you still got cheated. While they’re in the bag fries can go over the top or be pushed out the holes at the bottom of the carton. Always check the bag. At least ball the bag up when you throw it away instead of leaving as is; this way if you feel anything poking from the inside you know it’s a salty snack.

And one more thing … I do got something new in the oven for y’all. SWB? WRWK? PB3? MO? Who knows. Keep this on your stomach until then.

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Dollar Of Persistence

$22 I will never spend.
$22 I will never spend.

Dear Har-old,

*Tuesday, July 16, 2013*

Har-old: *checks mailbox* He said no later than Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. My check is not in here!

Har+new: The mailman runs twice a day; it’ll probably be in there later.

Later that day …

Har-old: *checks mailbox* Where is it???

Har+new: …

*Wednesday, July 17, 2013*

Har-old: *checks mailbox* Second time checking it today … still nothing!

Har+new: Call.

*Thursday, July 18, 2013*

Har-old: *checks mailbox* …

Har+new: Why won’t you just call?

Har-old: I’m scared …

Har+new: Why?

Har-old: … to hear “This number is no longer in service.”

*Friday, July 19, 2013*

Har-old: *checks mailbox* Okay, now I’m calling!

Har+new: Thank you! What are you doing?

Har-old: Going on their website to see what’s corporation number. Since they said they’ll be mailing my check, I’m calling them.

Har+new: No! Just call them!

Har-old: Shhh …

*45 minutes later*

Har+new: What’s wrong?!?!

Har-old: I’ve been scammed.

Har+new: How?!

Har-old: This man said they’re not the corporation of anything! They’re just a website people go on if they want to buy the wax or get info on it. He said they do not have offices around the country that hire people to sell this stuff in front of gas stations! Everything he said has matched up with my experience with them, especially when he said they may pack up their bags and leave town. Nick did say he was going back to Florida. Told me I need to retrace my steps, gather evidence I actually worked there before I get police involved. Told me instead of calling a number I found on a website I should’ve called them to see if the number is still in service … you know what, that’s what I’m about to do!

*8 minutes later*

Har+new: What happened???

Har-old: HR told me they remember mailing my check out. I asked her to confirm my address they had on file.

Har+new: And?

Har-old: Right address … just my apartment number missing. So, that was probably my mistake. She said the post office don’t keep mail and they return to sender but it wasn’t there. Said if they have to re-issue the check, it may take weeks. Weeks I don’t have! But told me to first check with the leasing office to make sure it isn’t in there.

Har+new: Well, come on!

*3 minutes in leasing office*

Har+new: What they say?

Har-old: It’s not in there!

Leasing Lady: Har-old, come back!!!

Leasing Lady 2: Is this what you were looking for? *holds up white envelope*

Har-old: *smile of relief* Yesss!

Leasing Lady 2: The mailman JUST delivered it.

Har+new What an ending!

*back at the apartment*

Har+new: Open it up!

Har-old: Okay, here goes … *pulls check from envelope* Exactly what I expected!

Har+new: And, what’s that?

Har-old: Not the $300 base pay I was guaranteed! Not the $297 I made in the field! It’s the 30%.

Har+new: How much???

Har-old: 67 bleeping dollars and 41 cents!

Har+new: Wooooo! Alright!

Har-old: The hell you’re so happy for?

Har+new: You should be smiling too! This moment is historic! Don’t you get it? It took you 2+ years to make this. You started this journey over 2 years ago, remember? You wanted a job that was gone prepare you for the role of CEO of your own company so you almost exclusively applied to customer service, marketing, and sales jobs. You went through 16 of them!!! Chasing ghosts with AT&T U-Verse; playing the call-me-back game with Paul; getting fired  after moving to another cubicle because you didn’t want to sit next to a racist. This is it! This is history! I want you to take a dollar out of this check and frame it.

*one bank run later*

Har+new: It isn’t wrinkled from being passed down generation after generation like your $1. It doesn’t have a Riddler-green bat signal on the back like your $20. It looks like … the ordinary dollar bill. If I mixed it with some other dollars, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It has no mark of importance!

Har-old: Are you suggesting I write on it? ‘New, this dollar needs to be spent more than saved right now!

Har+new: *holds dollar up* This dollar tells a story. It’s the story of YOUR persistence! If you spend this dollar,  you waste 2 years … of trying. *throws dollar in Har-old’s face and walks away*

FY,

Har+new

Related Reads:

5 Steps To Having Steve Jobs’ Unblinking Stare

Reading Steve Jobs

Fidel Castro’s aggressive gaze can reduce his opponents to silence.

When Benito Mussolini was challenged, he would roll his eyes, showing the whites in a way that frightened people.

President Kusnasosro of Indonesia had a gaze that seemed as if it could have read thoughts.

Roosevelt could dilate his pupils at will, making his stare both hypnotizing and intimidating.

Napoleon spent hours in front of a mirror, modeling his gaze on that of the great contemporary actor Talma.

Tom Hardy is an extraordinary actor. What Tom’s able to do just with the expression in his eyes-it’s terrifying.


Dear Har-old,

    • Why does Eddie Griffin blink so much when he laughs? Blepharospasm. Before your stare down, get all of your blinking out-of-the-way. Blink repeatedly.
    • Wet your eyes. Before the stare down, water. During, tears. You don’t need to learn how to cry on command; you just need an inventory of sad moments that made you cry before and still has that effect on you. If that doesn’t work, staring itself can make your eyes water up because your body will rehydrate your eyes after a period of dryness.
    • Lower upper eye-lid level. Be in the area of from just above the iris (the colored part of the eye), to just the top of the pupil (the dark center of the eye). It’s almost, though, not quite, a squint. 

Character Study

When you started doing your Character Study you looked like you was gone be consistent with it. August 21st to the 29th. Then suddenly you stopped opening the document. September went by. October. Then you started anew on November 1st. It’s the first of December, congratulations, you studied your character for an entire month, and brought your Daily Schedule along for the ride. You didn’t always check everything off the list but kept it constant on the mind. The effort was there. Sometimes you only checked one thing off. Other times nearly everything. Your best day was on the 25th. Strive to make everyday like it. I want you conquering this list until it becomes second nature and you’re adding to it. The one thing on the list that eludes you is drinking at least 8 bottles of water. WHERE’S YOUR THIRST FOR GREATNESS?!

I see you. You want to be a great listener, however, remember, this is your first year attempting. You’re trying hard like Will Smith in the first season of The Fresh Prince. “I would memorize the entire script, then I’d be lipping everybody’s lines while they were talking. When I watch those episodes, it’s disgusting. My performances were horrible.” Shhh … only talk while the other person is talking if  you’re using the Rapid Repeat Technique.