Category Archives: Poetry

Wolf Spider Branch (WordPressident #16)

Inspired by the above image. As always with this series, this is a slow read due to metaphors/wordplay/double entendres.

My pale skin the cloud
My eyelashes the grass
The spider veins on my upper eyelid the branch in the sky
My tears the rain
My twitching eye the thunder
I’m the eye of the storm
But I don’t wanna be like your X-Men
They’re old news
I wanna be your May weatherman, on the other side of them zeros
When the weather girl turn sideways it makes my day a wed-ness day
How I wanna be Her Boy Friday and engage with her fergalicious humps
Trojan horses not safe for work
Lashing out, a cuss to, ‘Mur-
-rica, where it’s all about U
I’m from ‘Merica, where it’s rated E for everyone
Life ain’t a video game … unless it’s the Sims-ulation
Then it’s rated T because I took off my tee but put the T in stimulation (woohoo!)
On a whim queue days end
The type of dream you facing cause the REM to break and 3AM you waking
Bedsheets sweaty, smelling like fresh-off-the-leg-pee but it’s underneath where you clean do sprayings
I’m a mother-fucking monster, not a muthafuckin’ monster
Think long and hard about that before you get your muthafuckin’ momma
If I grab her by her ankles she grabbing her ankles
Tennessee-toe-toucher
If she’s anal about anal then it’s the beaver-teeth soul-crusher
Akin to me your brother, playa
Sucking major how I went from crushing flavor about the environment to the one who fuckin’ made ya
But I guess it all makes sense when you put ‘em together … Mother Nature

WordPressident #17 … soon

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You Ain’t So Tough (WordPressident #15)

You ain’t so tough
Without your boys
You ain’t said much
What’s all that noise?
I ain’t me when I’m hungry (stop snickering)
And you ain’t you when you’re with your homies
Played the dozens when you had strength in numbers
But when them eggheads was eight miles yonder
You lost control over the 1’s and 2’s when son asked you, “what you say about my mama?”
What ya say, what ya say? Un-huh, “un-un”
Went from a, my mum blew to a mumble
What happen to the W when you had double you’s? I wonder
The man in the mirror moonwalked without a stumble
The glass shattered into a puzzle
The chrome won’t give the explorer an edge over the firefox in the safari, come to
You draw a blank and hundreds of tabs puncture with punctuation
Ay, Caramba! I could rumble, punch your face in, launch your space men
Keyboard warriors with 3, 4 multiple guess why they call it account
Guess why they call it amount
I let you kids throw rocks at my truck
Don’t stop and just truck
‘Cause if I did not y’all are fucked
Won’t have a chance
It’s all downhill for you but an uphill battle for me defending this Avalanche
Like that ain’t what happen man!
I won’t ever rest, or nap again
“Say that again!”
You kittens gotta be kidding spitting how a Siberian tiger should be kicking his writtens
Hissing “It should’ve been the Sierra Altitude Edition …
because of the, you know,” mannnn listen
Pulled you aside when you got beside
Yourself, Team I
Got ya one on one, one by one where you reside
But it really be like …
One bye, two bye, three bye
These guys were seaside
To make it look like a shark attack
Their jaws were at where Jaws was at
Bruce, they called him that before I fed him arms and legs and all of that
But now it’s Bruce Bruce, small and fat
Baby Shark gone have to doo doo doo doo
all the crap on SpongeBob and Pat or breathing how large a task when singing the song in baths?
Don’t you splash free water on my rug, that’s Persian purchased with Paul Manafort money
Something you can’t afford dummy
Man avoid junkies
Pimp hand escort honeys
To the therapist for her neck massage
“Long day at the desk, corsage”
Daisy allergic to lilies
Perfectly silly
L’Oreal, Maybelline, oh what a find!
Rihanna got her own line
Foundations ain’t basic take your time
I wish you could make up your damn mind
Maybe MAC can come out with a MacBook
And you care less about your apple bottom getting fast looks
From men who gave another woman their last, Cooke
Is yours but peep, how the irony unfolds the crease
Wife found the way to your heart, not on the roads or streets
Here comes the airplane through your stomach, with more on the stove to eat
Gross indeed to think about eating groceries with a PINK label
Think stable that’s a mistake bul
Gets a no from me
Your wife is the real rare one … if you sold on Queens, hold and squeeze, and don’t let go for green, go on green … vroommmmm

YouTube update in the comments.

Sidewalks of New York (Part Two) 🎊🌉🗽

No more trashcan bonfires for the shivering
We warming ourselves up by the torch of the Statue of Liberty …

This side of the family I don’t mess with (oooh)
But I still got everyone presents (ahhh)
All I got from them was their gift of gab (oooh)
A bunch of questions I didn’t wanna unwrap (ahhh)
People, people, people, people (everybody, everyone)
People, people, people, people, (finish him, kill me now, I’m done)
From baby coo coo to crazy coo coo
When you steal Christmas Mr. Grinch can you take me too?
It’s Christmas morning 8AM
The time looks like a snowman, 2 snowballs, wait a min
Not a creature was stirring
They spent their day out the rat race wearing
Red nose from Walgreens
Breakfast in bed, spooning coffee
Thanos I know you loving this jingle
But can you tap your feet, nod your head, anything but snap your fingers

Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Oooh ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Where is everybody?
There-there-there-there-there-there-dadaaaaaaaaaa

The days between Christmas and New Years Eve
My WTF days of the week
SS stands for stop swearing, cursing
Let’s get them New Years Resolutions started early

Western culture
Says if I don’t kiss at the stroke of
Midnight it will ensure a year of loneliness
Good, because I should’ve stayed home for this
I need some elbow room
I need some leg room
We neck-and-neck
These spiked walls are closing in
I’ll be dead soon
I’ll go quietly and become a part
Change the “if” with “when” in “If these walls could talk”
Can you say New York City?
What ya say?
Can you count backwards with me?
What ya say?
I need you to freeze at zero
2019 no negative nothing, vibes, energy, people
What ya say, what ya say?
What ya say, what ya say?

From the tour bus
I hear oooh, ahhh
The sidewalks of New York
Is something to watch
Turn the tube off
Get some corn to pop
People, people, people, people I wanna see whose stars
Coins in the street performers food jar

Can you, and you, say New York City?!
(Downtown never looked so pretty)

Which SONY is your favorite one?

Please Leave Me Alone

Suicidal thoughts
Do they always talk?
Do they ever listen?
Can I be happy for 5 minutes?
Please leave me alone
Go bother someone else, no, don’t
Because it makes my heart shatter
To read about McKenzie Adams
Are you mad this poem I wrote
Before your little suicide note
Please leave me alone
Don’t you see me on the phone?
Talking to a stranger about you
I know it’s the easy way out, cool
I must admit
Your kind of thinking is attractive
I think about you twice a day, you’re a habit
I wanna kick you, not the bucket
So many things I wanna do on that list, number 15,418 you will love it
Can you at least leave me alone in public?
Especially when I’m at work
I know you think I’m only saying that because I’m an introvert
I know I ain’t nobody’s daddy but Su’
I’m somebody’s son, someone’s brother, Ant and Chh uncle
He wants to live with me and play video games
But I can’t even take care of myself, oh what a shame
They say every time somebody die a child is born
I really thought about doing it on my birthday but got a text that left me torn
Of all days my niece came into the world
And I didn’t wanna rob her of that bond on her future birthdays, just yesterday your mama was my little girl
Can you hear that you suicidal maniac?
Can you leave me alone now?
All you heard was my zodiac?
If I don’t do it the cancer will attack?
Now … why you had to go and remind me of that?
If you was a person I would call you mean
If you was a person I would call you me (And!)

Remaining posts for 2018:

  • Pleasure Bunny (December 21st @ 9PM)

  • Sidewalks of New York: Part 2 (New Years Eve)

Rose Petals In The Snow (NSFC-hristmas)

Severed foot in my stocking stuffer
Santa Clause walking with a candy cane
Ol’ Saint Nick down with the swirl
Pull him up by his salt and pepper beard with cookie crumbs in it
“You got a cherry nose because you are what you eat”
Force feed him more deer meat
Now, Dasher! Oh, that made your designer belt pop!
Now, Dancer! Whoa, that made your little round belly shake like a hoe hoe hoe!
Now Prancer and Vixen! Slay slay slay!
On, Comet! Feeling a little out of this world, are we?
On, Cupid! Aww, that’s going straight to the heart!
On, Donner and Blitzen! Santa ain’t real, if I’m lying may God strike me in half
Tik-tok tik-tok
Nothing, because he’s as real as you
Leave the way you came
Oh, Santa’s gained weight and stuck in the chimney
Wait a minute!
Santa’s lost weight ‘cause of the Chronic Wasting Disease and now a chimichanga
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna … haha

Santa got stuck going down the chimney head first
Rayne, dear, I ain’t pulling your leg, but when the reindeer was pulling his leg it only made matters worse
Santa logged in and his hair caught fire
The black-and-blonde-haired-kids were cracking up and called him a ginger, the elf on the shelf replied a …
“That’s not nice” (na-na-na-na)
“That’s not nice” (un-un-un-un)
Run, run, but Santa couldn’t catch his breath and the wind lost to fire
All bent outta shape like a candy-cane about being round and quickly getting tired
He was resting on hay bale in some barn when a cow approached him
“I want to eat 2% of you” Santa roasts him
“I’m not a real Ginger, moolie
“So, you just gone ignore the whi- This, I know, because they have better insults than that, Wendy’s Twitter account schooled me”
“Give up them cookies, punk!” “Who me?!”
“I’m a fucking man, that’s a ‘no forever’ “
“I don’t mean pussy, we don’t go together, I want them chocolate chips, I mean, WE go together
But you may wanna stay away from the other side of the barn, it’s a horse over there who likes to rap about how hung he is
But you didn’t hear that coming from my mouth or my bum, see this?
That’s where the foxes are, you know, those little skanks
Don’t walk in those regions if you ain’t gotta checking account with River Bank
If you broke, no worries, go take some dough from this old couple
But, just know, them pigs don’t like getting up from snorting they snow, and y’all too fat to tussle
You know what, fuck the struggle!
How about this hustle?
Just tell the grands you wanna make some extra Christmas money with your shovel
I’m sure they’ll love you, I’m sure, I’m sure”

Pedaling in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I see rose petals in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Hopeless romantic hopeful (go-go-go-go-go-go)
Follow your heart, un-huh, follow-follow your heart
The last petal in the snow, un-un-un-un, is loves me not (no-no-no-no-no-no)
Now it’s more red in the snow (more red, more-more-more red)
Bloody Merry Christmas
Or should I say Bloody Mary EXmas? (whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa)

  • Work in Progress: Sidewalks of New York (Part 2)

  • Check the comment section an hour after this post publishes for a big YouTube update (if you care about my journey)

Sidewalks of New York (Part One) 🗽🚶🏽‍♂️

I’ve been feeling melancholy lately/
I pass a thousand people on the street everyday and yet still feel isolated/
When I politely tell them they should say “excuse me” for knocking me off course/
They say “excuse me” but it’s in a very different tone of voice/
“I’m sorry” vs “you sorry”/
The only person that knows you in this big city is the one who took your wallet

I feel so alone
On the sidewalks of New York
But I feel so at home
On the sidewalks of New York
Don’t need ya taxi ride
On the sidewalks of New York
I need the exercise
On the sidewalks of New York

Resting my forehead against the train’s rattling window/
To keep from falling asleep and missing more than my stop, keys, phone, CC info/
If I wanted to be stripped I would lean over there on that big pole/
Which I’m going to do if you sit close in your trench coat/
Do you see “stupid” written across my forehead?/
“Before you transferred the word to the glass, umm, oh yeah”

I feel so alone
On the sidewalks of New York
But I feel so at home
On the sidewalks of New York
Don’t need ya taxi ride
On the sidewalks of New York
I need the exercise
On the sidewalks of New York

Got my weed from the coffee cart guy/
He wraps it up in your pretty newspaper headlines/
Do my best Stallone impression with food in my mouth/
Give me a hotdog and I can make Talia’s head turn when I Adrian shout/
I like to feed the rats my cheese pizza/
I still ate my bagel after Rachel grabbed the gap between lawyer and paralegal

My me time is all the time
Grand Central, Atlas
My me time is all the time
Delacorte, 42nd
My me time is all the time
Fifth Avenue, Williamsburgh
My me time is all the time
Metronome, Bathman’s Sidewalk burr

That’s cold man …