Hmph. You telling me you had those animal balloons since November and your first time trying to create a 3 twist dog is today, the day you’re scheduled to upload your next video?! The script was memorized, your hair was cut, the lightening was right. But the reason you’re gonna be a day late is because you can’t make a got-damn giraffe?! A got-damn swan! Oh, something you could have practiced on yesterday, Sunday, your birthday, you know, days you wasn’t doing shit anyways. When I looked at you in the mirror earlier at the gym and said “I hate you” I wasn’t trying to motivate you. I meant that, literally. Who the hell are you, now? Because even Har-old was better than this shit!
Every year, between my birthday in October and New Year’s, I give myself what I call a “holiday period.” For three months, I try not to judge myself quite as harshly as I might during the rest of the year. During my “holiday,” I might have a drink or smoke a cigarette or sneak a bite of fish or stay out too late at a party, even though I know those actions aren’t contributing to how I ultimately want to live my life. But by giving myself that “break,” I’ve found it relieves some of the pressure I might feel during the rest of the year every time I turn down a drink, or don’t order the fish, or leave a party early. So while I might not always be a perfect yogi, or a perfect vegan, or a perfect father, I try not to feel guilty or anxious about the slipups I have during my “holiday,” or frankly, the slipups I have during the rest of the year too. I’ve learned that there’s no value in an emotion like guilt. It’s like empty carbs. They might seem to fill you up at the moment, but in the end they’re going to slow you down.
Remember that from Do You? This concept has been on my mind for a while and I was going to build off this and write this huge post about taking a vacation from yourself, but you need a complete relocation. Move and don’t come back. Not even to pay “Har-old” a visit. As I was brainstorming on how to expand on Russell Simmons’ idea, I started thinking about snakes and how they shed their old skin for new skin to symbolize their continuous growth. Poetry was born. I wrote this for you. It mirrors your current predicament. I hope you like it. Call it Skin I’m In.
I was between a rock and a hard place
Rubbing my head against the rough surface
My already stretched skin splits from my face
To the noise that makes predators nervous
It’s like taking off a sock inside out
Goodbye parasitic relationship
This new skin will not be your fucking couch
Lived rent free off your host, where was the tips?
Only left when I was watched like a hawk
My fresh new skin symbolizes my growth
Not just physically but mentally sharp
Recognize I’m anaconda in both
Rebirth is something I cannot avoid
Why a snake is my umbilical cord
I Love You!
It’s real now. You got your gas station polo. You can realistically get down to 200 pounds in 19 days. Other than food, the only thing standing in your way of a great performance on May 27th is practice, practice, practice. And the only thing standing in your way of doing numbers is marketing. Time won’t wait.