Balcony Baseball

Property Manager – Hey, Mr. Pitt, what can I do for you today?

Resident – I looked at my lease papers and saw the rent breakdown. I’m paying $69 per month because of baseball?

Property Manager- Yes, your apartment has a balcony that overlooks the A’s baseball field.

Resident – So what? That’s not why I chose it. I don’t even watch baseball.

Property Manager – Well, I’m sorry, but the lease explains that anyone who moves into our apartments with a view of the action on the baseball field is required to pay our sports extra fee.

Resident – What? DirecTV doesn’t even charge that much a month for MLB Extra Innings!

Property Manager – How do you know that? I thought you didn’t watch baseball?

Resident – I don’t! The cable provider y’all use is DirecTV. Look, I want to be reimbursed my $276 for the last 4 months.

Property Manager – I’m sorry, but we can’t do that.

Resident – And why not?

Property Manager – Because you should have read that four months ago.

Resident – You should have told me that 4 months ago.

Property Manager – No, you should have read that. I went over all the important stuff, one of which was the rent itself, which you were perfectly fine with.

Resident – Yeah, but if I know I can save some money especially in regards to something I don’t even partake in then I want to take advantage of it. Well, baseball ended a few weeks ago, so am I still gonna have to pay this $69 during the off-season?

Property Manager – Yes, its an amazing view.

Resident – I want my money back, and I want it now!

Property Manager – I’m sorry.

Resident – Alright.

3 hours later …

Property Manager – Hey, we don’t allow masks to be worn in our offices.

Person – Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m on my way to see Justice League, and stop here first and use the change machine.

Property Manager – Okay, well you need to take off your mask while in the office.

Person – I can’t or I’ll get electrocuted.

Property Manager – Okay, you need to get out now. You are starting to creep me out with that voice. Why are you talking like that? Did you know Ben Affleck plays Batman now? And why are you holding that bat? That’s not one of Batman’s gadgets.

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Daily Writing Prompt: Write yourself into a corner. Impossible situations. No way out. 

Mama – Lil’ Demarcus, what’s this?

Son – That’s my journal. What are you doing with it?

Mama – I was cleaning your room and it fell off your desk and landed on this page. What’s all this nasty stuff in here?

Son- I didn’t write that. 

Mama – It’s only me and you in the house. Did your imaginary friend write it?

Son – I mean, I wrote it, but that’s Bankroll Fresh don’t. He’s a rapper. I was trying to learn the lyrics. 

Mama – I don’t want you listening to mess like this. I’m about to google these words to see if you telling the truth, and if you not, you getting a whooping. I’m going to investigate this diary further. You in timeout until I get back. 

Son – It’s a journal, mom. 

Mama – Get your ass in the corner!

39 minutes later …

Mama – Demarcus … 

Son – Mama, mama, please don’t hit me with that hammer, I’m sorry! 

Mama – Get out the corner. 

Son – Mama, please!

Mama – I said get out the corner. 

Son – Okay, please don’t hit me.

Mama – (hits wall repeatedly with hammer)

Son – Mama …

Mama – You wrote this for me?

Son – Yeah, I was gone give it to you for your birthday. I wasn’t done with it. I need to add some more parts to it. I just needed a break ‘cause I spent 2 days on it. 

Mama – (hits wall with hammer) I will never put you in the corner again. 

Son – That’s nice and all, but mama you didn’t have to be so dramatic. You know we Sims right? You could have just told our God to use the camera view with no walls. 

Be honest with people about their cooking on Thanksgiving … even if it increases your rent. 

Resident – Thank y’all for treating residents to an early Thanksgiving. 

Manager – You’re welcome!

Resident – I’m glad I moved here. 

Manager – And we’re glad to have you. 

Resident – My last apartment didn’t do these KIND kind of things for the community. And judging by how packed it is in here it looks like I won’t be the only one without family this year. Looks like every resident is here. Wow! Oooh yeah give me some of that dressing … and oooh the turkey too … and oooh some of those candy yams please … that too … un-huh … yes…. oooh God yes! Okay, thank youuuuu! 

Manager – Sir, where are you going?

Resident – Umm … back to my apartment. 

Manager – There are no to-go-plates. 

Resident – This the plate y’all gave me. 

Manager – There are no TO GO plates.

Resident – Aww that’s why everybody in here? Y’all want us to eat in front of y’all? 

Manager – Well, you’re the first person to try those 2 items. Would you mind telling me how they taste? And you can be completely honest, I didn’t make any of it. 

Resident – The mac-n-cheese slamming!

Manager – Wonderful. And the biscuit?

Resident – Ahhhh! Taste like a brick! I think I chipped a tooth! 

Manager – And that rent increase of $212 taste like tears coming from you! Make sure you put enough salt in it! 

Nanowrimo Challenge (Post A Day): You Are What You Eat

  • TITLE: You are what you eat
  • LENGTH: 30 sec – 1 min
  • PRODUCT: Whopper
  • WRITER: Har+new

This is a dual column screenplay where the description of the action would be on the left and the dialogue on the right, but since I don’t have that feature (some plug-in) in my post editor so I’m going to utilize the horizontal line.

VISUAL

Two men pull out chairs from a dining table.


AUDIO

“You mind sitting in the next seat.”

“You act as if I’m sitting in the next seat and not the one across from you.”

“Well, I would rather you sit in the next seat than the one directly in from of me because then your bright red hair wouldn’t be blocking my view and those clown feet wouldn’t be stepping on mines.”

“Whatever, dude!”


VISUAL

As both men are sitting down, a server brings them their food on trays.


AUDIO

“Dude, you ordered 6 cheeseburgers?! You better chill. You know you are what you eat with each bite, right?”

“I know.”


VISUAL

Second man unwraps one of his sandwiches and it is revealed to be BURGER KING in a red bubbly font between two shiny buns (the logo). After he takes his first bite the server puts a royal robe over his shoulders. After he takes his 2nd bite the server puts a crown on his head. After 3rd bite the server pulls up a throne. As the man sits in his new seat and is about to take the 4th bite, the server, who is a woman, snatches the sandwich out his hand.  The server sits in the chair next to him and starts feeding and fanning him with her hand. After watching all of this in confusion, the second man runs back to the counter.


AUDIO

“Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try our …”

“Shut up and take my money! I want everything on the menu!”

“Sir, are you sure? You know you are what you eat, right?”


VISUAL

The man turns his head, looking back at his table where the server is still feeding his friend.


AUDIO

“I knowwwwwww.”

two YOU's in future