Skeletons In My Closet who Took Forever to Get Ready

Broken hangers

Skeletons in my closet who took forever to get ready

About time they finally put on “oh this old thing” they were casket sharp

Let’s give a big hand to The Late Har-old L. Weak, ladies and gentlemen!

Now that goes for the cheer-ren too, let me get a little hand

We meant it when we said trying our Father’s thyme on some cal and deer was gonna have ya moving your seconds hand around like ya wanted to clock somebody

Ya got Sir Wallingford on his hands and knees with Tweety Bird, Twitter Bird, Bryan Williams’ Birdman, Michael Keaton’s Birdman flying around his head

And you on your damn hands and knees for a different reason, begging please, making my flesh crawl

Boy, if you don’t …


I lied down with a dog but I didn’t get up with fleas

I woke up with what I thought was a cold sweat then I realized the company I keep

6-week-old Rottweiler, Pitbull mix I call Darkman after my favorite rapper

Licks my face when I’m sleeping like a Behr to let me know it’s time to paint the town red

Grab my coat for the sure wind

More Benjamins ‘cause X likes to live Royal

Concealed my Ace’s hardware incase I have to make these jokers PPG and get Lowe

Damn if I take any longer to get ready X gonna give it to me and have my place looking like a Shih Tzu

And I’ll only be identified by the teeth of my skeleton key, the canine, on the way out that revolving door is gonna hit you

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Slow Dancing To Rap Songs

I slow dance to rap songs, rap songs, rap songs

Gliding my fingers along the row of volumes
Turning up in my sexy Librarian costume
Shh-shh-shaking my foot, sitting pretty with my legs crossed
Ho-ho-hoping my heels come unstrapped and slip-and-slide off
Bambi eyes, elf ears, my heart’s cold
The only thing I hold near and dear is the very thing that gives me a red nose
Stolen credit cards lining up coke on my cola
Your lawyer can’t scare me with a skinny tie and empty manilla folder, soldier

The drinks came too fast
The cars go too fast
The lanes open too fast
Life’s moving too fast
Didn’t grandmama tell ya ya ya to stay away from uh them fast tail little girls? (Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya)

I slow down the words to your rap songs
Nelly baby sing it to me you got a beautiful voice why don’t you sing it to me come on baby sing it to me
I’m slow dancing to your rap songs
Eminem baby bring it to me you look like you can move why don’t you bring it to me come on baby bring it to me

Gliding along the hardwood desk with my mani-manicure
Until I have an excuse to bend over in my dress and touch my pedicure
Important stack of papers flying everywhere
Everything out of order except the vrin-vrin-vending machine
Shh-shh-shaking for my dollar
Billie Jean beat it ‘til I holla
Let the chips fall where they may
Long as when I’m able to walk again they’re all in my way, okay?

The drinks came too fast
The cars go too fast
The lanes open too fast
Life’s moving too fast
Didn’t grandmama tell ya ya ya to stay away from uh them fast tail little girls? (Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya)

I slow down the words to your rap songs
Max B baby sing it to me you got a beautiful voice why don’t you sing it to me come on baby sing it to me
I’m slow dancing to your rap songs
Loaded Lux baby bring it to me you look like you can move why don’t you bring it to me come on baby bring it to me

Where’s the fire?
Take your time
Where’s the fire?
Take your time
Baby, where’s the fire?
Take your time
Boy, take your, take your time
Where’s the fire? (Where?)
Where’s the fire? (The roof?)
Where’s the fire? (The booth)
Where’s the fiyah?

Them country boys never hurt little ‘ole me
Them country boys never hurt little ‘ole me
I put my life on the line

Amazon Prime Day: The 42 Dogs of Amazon I Shook Paws With Before I Refreshed to Success

I have played tic-tac-toe without the O in calendar boxes since the date for Amazon Prime got leaked. Yeah, I could have used my $15 store-credit and been smiling from A to Z a few weeks ago, but I’ve had this credit ($10 for signing into the Amazon app for the first time and $5 for signing into the Kindle app for the first time.) since December 2017 and it doesn’t expire until New Year’s Eve 2020. I actually forgot about it then was reminded upon checkout of Lucy, The Big Short, Interstellar, The Founder, and The Theory of Everything. My first attempt at checking out in 7 months. When I saw that thang go from 40-something to 20-something I kicked over the apple cart. I said to myself,  “You need to use this credit on something more meaningful. Them DVD’s can wait.”  What’s more meaningful? Headphones to monitor the audio for my Youtube videos. Speaking of Apple, my EarPods wasn’t gone cut it. I needed something over the ear. I could have basically got AmazonBasics free at $14.99, but some reviews about longevity deterred me. I wanted a company known for making noise. I wanted something mid-tier; something priced between your AmazonBasics and Blue Headphones. I chose Audio Technica and narrowed it to either their ATH-M20x or ATH-M30x. I exercised patience to see if I could stack a prime deal on top of my store-credit. Only the latter went on a prime-day sale. My reminder went off 5 minutes before 3PM, the time Prime Day started. I stuffed the rest of my Nacho Fries down my throat, wiped the Mexican spices off my finger tips and softly said to myself, “Fuck carpal tunnel.” I typed Audio Tech and clicked on the first pop-up in the search bar and was met with the following images millions of others experienced in the first hour of shopping on Amazon’s website or app. Either this or you got caught in a “Shop All Deals” loop. Amazon’s website crashed. I was left hitting refresh like Mark Zuckerberg at the end of The Social Network and kept running into man’s best friend …

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Did you meet any of these dogs of Amazon during your Prime Day shopping?

Toys Я Us Tribute (Sims 4 Seasons)


A few things …

  • Besides the upcoming posts I mentioned in (crazy how that ends with the word the post begins with) In Your Krispy Kreme Dreams I have some cool posts (even video) I’m working on about Catfishing and Ciara

  • May 4th was suppose to be the last day I blogged on here seeing as it was my 7th anniversary, and me being a numbers guy I believe 7 is the number of completion, which is why I published 7 times that day. Then out-of-nowhere came Computer Love. Come to think about it I didn’t think this through because just a few days before my blog anniversary I paid another $18 for my domain for the year. Maybe I will continue on here until it comes up for renewal again? I feel like if I devote the same energy and efforts on YouTube as I do on WordPress I would be further in life. The end for me on here is still coming soon mainly because of that. As a minor, I want to for-once-and-for-all cut ties with my blog-stalkers. I do realize once I come up with my channel focus it will be tacky to post certain stuff and plus everything can’t be a video, therefore, I will still have a new blog where I can write my ass off.

  • Passport Bear page is updated (Did you catch the cameo in this post?)

  • See how me and my daughter coordinating?

  • I got Sims 4 Seasons half off.

  • I’m about to watch Molly’s Game. Do I smell a review?

Long Hallways (Falling For Forever)

I’m falling forever
They pulled the ground right from under my airs
I’m falling forever
Friendly skies please teach me how to walk on air
I never hurt you with my fist
My punches landed one hundred percent
I don’t know what could be worse
Then “hold my beer” is what I heard …

Long hallways
Don’t know how I got inside
Long hallways
With no ending in sight
Long hallways
No door to put my foot in
Long hallways
No window for the rain to hit up against
Long hallways
No corners to cut at all
Long hallways
Gotta crawl before I can walk
Long hallways
I’m tired of being lonely and googly-eyed in my search
Long hallways
I wish I could listen to a picture with a thousand words
Long hallways
It’s dark and I wanna bump into something
Long hallways
Maybe if I dance like Michael Jackson these paving stones will start glowing?
Long hallways
I’m never gonna get outta here
Long hallways
Because I was cool with being a hot head with a warm heart but I hate cold hands and drunk all its beer

As always,
Long hallways

Today is my birthday, and I’m riding high …

two YOU's in future