Shanghai, China – Yum China Holdings, Inc. (“Yum China,” NYSE: YUMC), and Taco Bell Corp., the world’s largest Mexican-inspired restaurant chain, today announced that they have fine-tuned a Taco Bell favorite for Chinese consumers: putting words of wisdom on the inside of hot sauce packets instead of the outside to remind customers of fortune cookies. Despite the success the brand has had since relaunching (January 2017) its first restaurant in China since 2008, Chief Executive Officer, Micky Pant, still felt like the menu was missing something.
“The menu features Taco Bell favorites that have been adapted to local tastes. We give more of a generous serving of rice in our burritos than Americans receive. We put rice in our taco salads and use soy sauce as dressing, also, including it as a non-alcoholic beverage. Hell, we even brought back the Chihuahua and didn’t cook it, but something still was barking at me,” expressed Pant. “At the time we weren’t selling Mexican fries and I was in the mood for some French fries and Burger King was the closes, being down the street. As I’m driving there I see all these red packets in the road, so many, in fact, I get out my car to clean them from the lane. They were crushed ketchup packets. So, I get there and order. They were so frea-king boring! So frea-king average! How can a place like Burger King get it right when it comes to burgers but so wrong when it comes to fries? They were disgusting! I complained. That’s when it hit me. I took another route back to Taco Bell and was combing through our hot sauce packets and there it was, ‘The road to mediocrity is littered with empty ketchup packets.’ The kind of stuff that tells you the future. Millions of people already collect our packets for the sayings, so all the more reason to tear carefully.”
To help guide customers, Pant stated the new packaging will have a empty white box on the front of the packets, which will be the location of the phrases on the inside.
In the announcement, Pant shared that them making sauce packets into fortune cookies will not hurt Chinese restaurants as much as their entire menu has hurt real Mexican restaurants since 1962. The Yums Brand had nothing but complimentary remarks for Yum’s. “We can never compete with them, okay. While we spend billions to get more than half the US population to see our commercials once a week, they never make them and still serve billions. When was the last time you seen a commercial for a Chinese restaurant?”
Have you ever seen a commercial for your local Chinese restaurant?
Entry Form: 139th Challenge (Sims Forum)
Theme of the week: Guest bedroom for Thanksgiving
Backstory: “Aaron and Elizabeth are young adults and are siblings that live away from home. They each live in different US states. They and their parents are all very excited! It is the USA Thanksgiving time this week and they are coming home to spend time with their parents! Their parents are setting up separate guest bedrooms for them to sleep in whilst at home. Their mother wants to also include a favourite childhood item in the guest bedrooms to remind them of when they were a child. Could you please design a guest bedroom either for Aaron OR for Elizabeth . You can only design one guest bedroom. The room is not normally a guest bedroom, so it can’t be a large bedroom. It is a room that has been converted into a bedroom for the Thanksgiving time. The family would be very appreciative if you could design a guest bedroom for them!”
My Interpretation: After Aaron went off to college in another state, his parents downsized by bulldozing what use to be his bedroom. Upon returning home temporarily for Thanksgiving this year, his parents turned the garage into a makeshift bedroom.
Best Buy asks customers suffering from any form of memory loss to sleep in cars instead of camping outside stores after man misses Black Friday sale thinking he’s in the woods.
In hopes of not getting his fist in cuffs because of fisticuffs over cuffing the last DVD of F.I.S.T. like last year, a Texas man skips Thanksgiving with his family in order to not skip any strangers in line. The decision was over a television, but 38-year-old Gater Raid is no LeBron James. “I’m just a guy who wanted to save $300 on a 50-inch.” But after not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7 calls from his wife fustigating him over his choice, Gater Raid started drinking heavily.
“I must’ve woke up hung over. My head was hurting so bad I didn’t remember a thing I did last night. I only found out ‘cause of my morning breath. I woke up startled like a kid in Sims 4 when you cancel the sleep action. I didn’t know why I was in a tent. I didn’t know why bells where ringing (Salvation Army), why people were yelling. I thought I was still asleep and dreaming. I peeked out the tent and saw everyone running from something. After I saw all those little chicken legs I quickly jerked my head back inside ‘cause I was afraid of seeing a giant turkey chasing them. Maybe they missed Thanksgiving too and it wanted revenge? I don’t know. I looked around to find my phone so I could call police. When I couldn’t find it that’s when I knew I was in the woods ‘cause I never take any electronics with me on camping trips. I found the courage to poke my head out again, and this time, extended my neck a little further and saw this purple tent with a table sitting in front of it. They had a banner with a cellphone on it. I ask have they called the cops. Said something about Boost Mobile not snitches and stuff. That’s when I realized I was in front of Best Buy and it was Black Friday.”
As of writing, Best Buy or any other store haven’t reported any similar incidents and Raid’s wife would not give any details on what she is getting her husband for Christmas. The staff here at Futuristically Yours doesn’t know if that’s due to the tradition of the holiday or if that means she’s not getting him shit. Sorry readers!
What did you buy on Black Friday?