Tag Archives: blogging

Computer Love <3

I typed H-E and paused by pressing the equal sign on the keyboard.

This was more than a blinking text cursor.

The other half was batting it’s eyelashes.

Was it flirting?

Flashing a lowercase L?

Or telling me I’m number one?

I pressed play by clicking the greater-than sign on the keyboard and proceeded to type A-R-T.

The word transformed into a picture of the word. It was a bigggggg heart. And I guess that’s what made the only thing move was the spinning beach ball, although, I wasn’t on the net.

Cursor stuck.

Cursing FUCK!

Freeze!

Froze.

Cold heart.

The mouse was just eating out of my palm, but now I’m jerking it back and forth like some string cheese.

It came to as I bowed over the desk and the arrow shot straight for the heart but because the cursor is tilted it missed.

Now the cursor is a small hand L gesture. What?! How am I a loser? I’m not responsible for the arrow being slanted. Hell, I don’t even shoot my gun sideways. I’ll leave that to your modern-day Robin Hoods. I wouldn’t try to attack the bottom of the heart with my pointer even with the heart looking like a bottom, if I may point out. I may cum across as anal paying attention to de-tails like that but fuck it!

Again, why should I have to rest an L on my forehead when there is already an S curled up there? Who am I? Clark Kent at The Daily Planet. If I throw up L then I gotta throw another L up. Laughing like shit ‘cause that’s like the bat-signal for you-know-who to roll on over to my cubicle, batting her eyelashes like Barbara Gordon. Aight, you keep doing that and your lashes gone get stuck in your eye, gone be blind as a bat. Aight, enough clowning around, let’s show my computer love like I-T.

We caps-locked lips. She lifted her foot off the ground. “Damn, her leg looks like an L.” My S curl became erect. Still a little crooked though.

Now the cursor is the rewind button, which is the less-than sign, neighboring the number 3.

We tilt our heads to the right when we’re trying to understand something.

“Understand?”

“Understood.”

To the beat.

This is our song. Let us have the floor, please.

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PO’EM


Don’t tilt the novel, keys open the door
Not the ones with incisors and canines
Put the candle back, keys open the door
The ones with the chopsticks and the fork tines
Now that’s how you open a got damn book
Or a library, welcome to the shhh
Quite quiet ‘nough hear a pen drop you could
Wish Stephen Hawkings was able to pick … shhh
Lightskin from Memphis, I’m a Redmayne too
And I’m the third’s child – a john to black holes
That’s why it’s Michael Myers that comes to
Instead of Jason Voorhees on the stroll
Vrin vrin vrin on thin ice skate fall run fall
Not the great one I’m the only one y’all

Happy 7th Blogiversary FY!!!

ENTER


He enters like Kramer exit Seinfeld
The E-X sloppily slobbed on the knob
The I-T clowned around the peephole, hell
Of a hello ain’t good at goodbyes, sob
When waving, the heart-line in my palm cries
Gotta try to trick head-line it’s a hey
In a voice that’s not flat for the life-line
But your ears hurt and bleed hearing this pain
From stepping on grapes to stepping on glass
Put the H in wine, salty description
Soggy clothes, boat shoes an anchor attached
Can’t see through the tears so my eyes listen
Clean specs, tail end of shirt dry just a smidge
Get over it, yeah walk, don’t jump off bridge

Happy 7th Blogiversary FY!!!

Balcony Baseball

Property Manager – Hey, Mr. Pitt, what can I do for you today?

Resident – I looked at my lease papers and saw the rent breakdown. I’m paying $69 per month because of baseball?

Property Manager- Yes, your apartment has a balcony that overlooks the A’s baseball field.

Resident – So what? That’s not why I chose it. I don’t even watch baseball.

Property Manager – Well, I’m sorry, but the lease explains that anyone who moves into our apartments with a view of the action on the baseball field is required to pay our sports extra fee.

Resident – What? DirecTV doesn’t even charge that much a month for MLB Extra Innings!

Property Manager – How do you know that? I thought you didn’t watch baseball?

Resident – I don’t! The cable provider y’all use is DirecTV. Look, I want to be reimbursed my $276 for the last 4 months.

Property Manager – I’m sorry, but we can’t do that.

Resident – And why not?

Property Manager – Because you should have read that four months ago.

Resident – You should have told me that 4 months ago.

Property Manager – No, you should have read that. I went over all the important stuff, one of which was the rent itself, which you were perfectly fine with.

Resident – Yeah, but if I know I can save some money especially in regards to something I don’t even partake in then I want to take advantage of it. Well, baseball ended a few weeks ago, so am I still gonna have to pay this $69 during the off-season?

Property Manager – Yes, its an amazing view.

Resident – I want my money back, and I want it now!

Property Manager – I’m sorry.

Resident – Alright.

3 hours later …

Property Manager – Hey, we don’t allow masks to be worn in our offices.

Person – Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m on my way to see Justice League, and stop here first and use the change machine.

Property Manager – Okay, well you need to take off your mask while in the office.

Person – I can’t or I’ll get electrocuted.

Property Manager – Okay, you need to get out now. You are starting to creep me out with that voice. Why are you talking like that? Did you know Ben Affleck plays Batman now? And why are you holding that bat? That’s not one of Batman’s gadgets.