Tag Archives: cheating

Monsters Under Bed

FADE IN

INT. SON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

SON: Dad, can you spray monster under bed?

DAD: There’s no space under your bed. We cut the legs off remember?

SON: I’m talking about your bed. 

DAD: What?

SON: Yeah, before you here I hear mama fight someone.

DAD: Who?

SON: I don’t know. I knock on door to protect her. I love her and I was beat that monster up like Spider-Man.

DAD: Did you use the web shooter I bought you?

SON: Mama not let me in. She open door little and said everything ok but her hair messed up. I saw something move under bed. I don’t know.

DAD: Well, son, you don’t have to ever EVER worry about seeing anything move under our bed again ‘cause I’m about to go cut 9 legs off. 

SON: It 4. You don’t know how to count daddy haha.

FADE OUT 

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Vibrating Table Writer

Reading Guide:

  • Narration is aligned left with italics.
  • Character names are capitalized with their dialogue underneath. Anything in parenthesis in-between their name and dialogue is how they deliver their lines.
  • Setting description precedes every new scene.

INT. LIBRARY – MORNING

Male and female student sit across from each other studying when the former’s phone rings.

FEMALE

Hey, can you please put your phone on vibrate? I’m trying to concentrate. It’s ringing back to back. That’s like your 8th missed call.

MALE

I’m sorry. It’s my girlfriend. We had a big fight last night. She thinks I’m cheating on her. I’ll put it on vibrate now.

FEMALE

Thanks!

Male student sits phone on table. When it rings again the vibration shakes the table causing the female to make an error in her writing.

FEMALE

Hey, umm, sorry to bother you again, but could you like take it off the table? I’m writing with a pen and now I have to scratch something out because your phone was shaking the table. My teacher really doesn’t want us to make errors on our applications.

MALE

Oh my god! I am so sorry! I really am! I apologize.

FEMALE

Can you just put it in your pocket?

MALE

Yeah, sure.

When the girlfriend calls again, the guy’s body shakes when the phone vibrates and stops in-between the pauses.

FEMALE

Oh my God! Are you having a … seizure?

MALE (with vibration in his voice)

Uhhhhhhhhhhh.

FEMALE

Just, just gimme the phone. I’ll hold it, I’ll hold it for you.

10 minutes has passed, in which the phone continuously ringed.

FEMALE

Hey, I take this theater course and would like to practice my lines. Would you mind role-playing with me for a little? That’s if you’re not too busy studying?

MALE

No, no, sure, I need a break anyways.

FEMALE

Okay, awesome, here’s your script.

Jump cut to the two standing, with the female student thanking the male student for his help. She hugs and kisses him on the cheek, gives him back his phone, then says she has to go. As she walks away from the table she passes a woman who gives her an intense stare-down. The male student sits back down in his chair. The other woman smacks the male student on the back of his head when she approaches the table.

MALE

Ouch! Laura, baby, what are you doing here? And what you do that for?

OTHER WOMAN

 “She will never know about us.”

MALE

Huh?

OTHER WOMAN

“I’m just using Laura for money but I love you and want to start a family with you.”

MALE

What?

OTHER WOMAN

“You see how I ignore her to give you my attention.”

MALE

How you know the script? Wait a minute …

That’s when a cold realization appears in the male student’s facial expression. He understands what happened.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – MORNING

Cut scene to the female student walking down the hallway with a devilish smile on her face. It is revealed she learned his girlfriend’s name on the caller ID, that she had the phone on speaker with the volume turned down while her and the male student were going over their dialogue, that she texted the girlfriend their location, and she knew when to dismiss herself because she knew how his girlfriend looked from her contact photo. And oh, she doesn’t take any theater courses, but she’s a hell of an actress. 

FADE TO BLACK

Titles of Upcoming Posts:

  • Shade But No Shade (blog wars)

  • Closed Curtains

All scheduled to publish this month.

 

The Parking Lot Cheater

Reading Guide:

  • Narration (descriptive actions) is align left, italicized, and written in present tense.
  • Dialogue is centered; Character NAMES are always CAPITALIZED.
  • Slug line: Occurs at start of every new scene. Consists of three parts: INT/EXT is short for interior and exterior; Part two consists of location. And three, time of day. Example: INT. HARNEW MANSION – AFTERNOON
  • Sometimes I use *asterisks or [brackets] to describe specific character actions.
  • Unlike the other 3 concepts, I never include photos with Episodes because the action and dialogue will help visualize what’s taking place.
  • Words in parenthesis underneath character names is the way the person delivered the dialogue.

 

FADE IN

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt at storefront. Man jumps out car, sprints towards entrance and jerks handle on door. It’s locked. Employee inside store does a cross hand motion, signaling they are closed for the day. From the entrance, the man talks to someone in the car he hopped out of.

ZACK

They’re closed.

CARL

I thought they close at 7 on Sundays?

As ZACK walks back toward the car, something in the parking lot catches his attention.

CARL

What’s wrong?

ZACK

That, that looks like my wife’s car.

CARL

You know how many black Jeep Cherokees there are in the city? You just miss your wife, dude! She’ll be back from vacation in a few days.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt in parking space. Aerial camera view shows ZACK and CARL sprinting toward store, however, The CUT only shows CARL entering.

INT. STORE – NIGHT

ANNOUNCER

Good evening customers! This is just a special announcement to let you know the store will be closing in approximately 20 minutes.

CARL

You hear that, Zack? *turns around* Zack?

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

CARL exits the store to find ZACK still in the parking lot, staring at some vehicle.

CARL

Zack! Zack … what are you doing?

ZACK

This car looks just like Jenny’s car.

CARL

She’s out of town!

INT. STORE – NIGHT

CLERK

Will that be all for you, sir?

CARL

No mam, my friend has the rest of the stuff. *mumbles* Where is he?

CLERK

Is that him?

CARL

Zack, where is the rest of the stuff, man?

ZACK

I knew I was forgetting something!

CARL

What have you been doing? The store is closing in 80 seconds!

ZACK

I have been outgoing, talking to the other 3 customers in the store. Don’t you know neither of them drive a black Jeep Cherokee? I even asked the employees.

CLERK

You haven’t asked me.

ZACK

Do …

CLERK

No!

ZACK

CLERK

30 seconds.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Car comes to screeching halt in parking space. As ZACK and CARL are sprinting toward the store, ZACK stops dead in his tracks and stares at some vehicle. CARL catches him this time.

CARL

Not again, man!

ZACK

Gimme the keys!

CARL

Why? The store is closing in 10 minutes!

ZACK

We can get it somewhere else! Gimme the keys! I’m driving!

CARL

Where are we going?

ZACK drives to the first parking lot they were at 2 days ago.

ZACK

See!

CARL

See, what?

ZACK

The black Jeep Cherokee is not here.

CARL

Fool, don’t you think whoeverrrrrr, and I do mean to put extra R’s on it, car that was they wouldn’t have left it in this parking lot?

ZACK

Because they moved it to the other parking lot!

ZACK drives to the second parking lot.

ZACK

No black Jeep Cherokee, again!

CARL

Gimme my keys, Zackary!

ZACK

The same black Jeep Cherokee, 3 different parking lots, all stores were closing, what are the odds?

CARL

I’m calling your wife on you, and telling her how much you miss her, and to tell her to hurry up and bring her ass home ’cause her husband is driving his best friend crazy with all these damn conspiracy theories!

ZACK

Call her? That’s a good idea! Gimme your phone!

CARL

My phone?!

ZACK

Yeah, because if I call on mines that gives her a reason not to pick up. Plus, I wanna see if she answers the phone with a pet name. *gives CARL weird look*

CARL

*shocked face* I been with …

ZACK

Shh… shh… it’s ringing.

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Heyyyy Jenny!

JENNY

Who is this?

ZACK

You don’t know the voice of the man who you have been married to for 8 years?

JENNY

Zack?

ZACK

Is that a question?

JENNY

Whose number are you calling from?

ZACK

*whispers to CARL* She’s not sleeping with you. *puts hand up to high-five CARL*

CARL

*puts up high-five hand, but as his was about to clap ZACK’s, he turns his palm around and puts up  middle finger*

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Hey, honey. Why is this asshole just sitting here? The light is green, moron! Honk your horn, honey.

JENNY

Me or you?

ZACK

You, silly.

JENNY

What are you talking about?

ZACK

Honk your horn.

JENNY

Why would I do that? Besides it’s a cop in front of me. I’m not honking anything.

ZACK

*frustrated look* I got it. *sings* Aye! Aye! Aye! Ya don’t like! Aye! Aye! Aye! Ya don’t like!

JENNY

Hello.

ZACK

Is that Santigold I hear in your background? Turn that up, baby!

JENNY

I’m not listening to the radio. Besides how would I hear you if I turn up.

ZACK

*whispers to CARL* This girl good.

ZACK (CONT’D)

I’ll just see you when you get home, sweetie.

JENNY

I love you!

ZACK

I love YouTube!

INT. ZACK AND JENNY’S HOME – DAY

The next day JENNY comes home.

JENNY

Honey, I’m home!

ZACK comes from out the kitchen and quickly approaches JENNY. She holds out her arms in anticipation of hug. But as ZACK gets near, he snatches the keys out her hand.

ZACK

I need to use your car, sweetie. Mines is orange and stuff. Nice tan!

JENNY

EXT. DRIVEWAY – DAY

MAILMAN

Pardon me, sir. This is my first time delivering mail in this neighborhood, and I’m confused. Is your address 2357?

ZACK

Yeah, of course! *points at house* Doesn’t that say 2357?

MAILMAN

Yeah, of course! *points at neighbor’s house* Doesn’t that say 2357?

ZACK

What the … ?

Zack walks over to his NEIGHBOR house and rings doorbell. The MAILMAN follows closely behind.

NEIGHBOR

Zack, buddy.

ZACK

What happened to your address?

NEIGHBOR

*laughs* Did I get you?

ZACK

NEIGHBOR

I’m sorry. I knew we was getting a new mailman and just wanted to play a prank on him.

NEIGHBOR steps on porch.

NEIGHBOR

These are cut-outs.

NEIGHBOR peels the numbers off revealing his real address. ZACK walks off in disapproval of the prank, gets in his wife’s car, and looks at the odometer.

ZACK

75, 315. She wasn’t … she wasn’t cheating on me.

INT. ZACK AND JENNY’S HOME – DAY

Zack walks in, sees Jenny unpacking, hugs her from behind, and whispers in her ear …

ZACK

Let me help you with that!

JENNY

I thought you needed to borrow the car.

ZACK

It can wait.

JENNY

[smiles]

ZACK

[smiles] How was your trip?

3 MONTHS LATER

A black Jeep Cherokee pulls up in driveway. Horn honks. People come outside. Driver sticks head out window.

OLD WOMAN

Boy, who you car-jack?

GUY

Nobody, grandma! I just bought it from this nice lady.

OLD WOMAN

Boy, how much you pay for that thang?

GUY

Eighteen-hundred, grandma.

OLD WOMAN

I bet that car got over a hundred thousand miles on it. *laughs*

GUY

Oh, that’s the best part!

GUY shows OLD WOMAN the odometer. Camera zooms in. It reads 2,357.

FADE TO BLACK

Wal-Mart Opens First Store in New York (The Refrigerator Basket): Friday, the 13th

The Leaf People (Comic): Next Saturday, Valentines

 

 

 

 

 

When Breathing Hard In The Gym Goes Wrong (Are You Having Sex While We On The Phone?)

Based on a true story … kind of.

One month earlier …

Max: *fist-pounding in disgust* I got trust issues when it comes to these *bleep*. She ratchetttt!
Joey: What you talking about?
Max: Man, you haven’t seen that video of this girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone while having sex with another dude … while 3 other dudes waiting they turn?
Joey: What?!
Max: It’s all on WorldStar. I masturbated to that *bleep* with a frown on my face. These *bleep* disgust me!

10 minutes later …

Joey: Yooooo! I just saw that video! How he didn’t know she was doing something?
Max: Obviously, he hasn’t been dating her long. Don’t know the variety in her voice. Her normal voice, her white people voice, her freaky voice. Breathing hard should’ve gave it away. Damn fool. He deserve it.

Present day …

Max: *talking to self* Yes, thank God! Nobody on the treadmill. *looks around* Oh snap! I got the whole gym to myself. Yeah! Now I can finally stretch before I work out.

5 minutes later …

Max: *sitting down, doing hamstring stretches* *thinking to self* Almost done … damn! This *bleep* just walked in here and went straight for the treadmill. Ugh! Well, she fat, she won’t be on it long. 3 minutes tops! Haha.

25 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I wish this *bleep* would leave! All this unwanted time I spent in hurr. I was gone stretch for a few minutes, run 30, and be out. 40 minutes tops! I’m in this *bleep* pretending I’m enjoying lifting these weights. My *bleep* arms hurt.

18 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I’m mad as *bleep*. I’m about to go. Knew I shouldn’t have stretched. What’s that noise? Her phone ringing.
Girl: *puts it on speaker*
Person on phone: Hello, hello, hello, wifey?
Girl: *breathing hard* Let me, let me catch my …
Max: *thinking to self* Wifey? I know what I’m about to do … *yells out-loud* SHE TRYING TO CATCH THESE BALLS! WE HAVING SEX! WE HAVING SEX! OH, BABY! YEAHHHHH! OH MY GOD!
Girl: *struggling to take it off speaker because her fingers are moist due to sweat* Oh my God! Shut up, boy!
Max: *Moaning* THIS THE BEST I EVER HAD! WE HAVING SEX! YOU AIN’T HANDLING YOUR BUSINESS IN THE BEDROOM HOMIE! SHE WANT A REAL MAN! GIVE IT TO ME GIRL! SHE CHEATING ON YOU! *runs out gym*

Next day …

Joey: *shaking head in disgust*
Max: What’s wrong, big homie?
Joey: I’m about to be on WorldStar, dog.
Max: You got your ass beat?
Joey: Nah. I called my girl yesterday while she was having sex with another dude and this *bleep* picked up the phone so I could hear it. Dude voice sounded familiar too.
Max: *breathing hard* That … that … let me catch my balls, BREATH, BREATH. I said breath! That was YOUR girl?!
Joey: *slowly takes his palm off his face, looks up, slowly turns head, twists lips like Marlon Wayans in Don’t Be A Menace* What you mean THAT was my girl?!

Why You Shouldn’t Talk To Your Friends About How Good Your Significant Other Is In Bed

Teresa: *holding hands up in a measurement stance, gradually widening the gap between her hands*
Denise: THAT big?!
Teresa: Hmmhm.
Denise: Damn!
Teresa: Girl, I be running!
Denise: I wish my man was that big, but I can’t complain because he makes up for it in tongue. Girl, his tongue so big he can dig in his nose with it.
Teresa: Eww!
Denise: He don’t eat boogers though.
Teresa: THAT long, though?!
Denise: Hmmhm. And that ain’t the only trick he can do with it either, girl *laughing*
Teresa: Oooohaha
Denise: Girl, I be running faster.
Teresa: My man don’t even eat! Girl, you getting my *bleep* wet.
Denise: I thought I was the only one over here soaking *laughing*

*Denise and Teresa give each other a high-five*

Teresa: Ebony, don’t you want to join this convo?
Ebony: No, thank you!
Denise: What’s wrong? You single?
Teresa: Lesbian???

*Denise and Teresa move their seats away from Ebony*

Ebony: *laughing* No! Y’all crazy! No, I’m not single or a damn lesbian.

Meanwhile at another restaurant …

Charlie: *motioning hands in a hourglass figure*
Eric: I noticed how far your hands started to spread apart when they moved down … THAT big, dog?!
Charlie: Hmmhm … and she know how to throw it back too. One time she knocked me down. Thought Tyson punched me
Eric: Damn!
Charlie: And dog, the view is something else. It’s like being at the beach and watching the wave of the water.
Eric: I got a lil’ slim, petite treat. BUT! Her *bouncing hand up and down with palm facing ground* game is Ayyyyy One!
Charlie: Word? My girl don’t even give head. Ugh!
Eric: I’m about to make you mad then. Let me shut up.
Charlie: What???
Eric: Dog … she swallows. She thinks it’s good for her.
Charlie: Ohhhh! Word? What Jamie Foxx told Bernie Mac in Booty Call … uh … You getting my *bleep* hard *laughing*
Eric: I can’t stand up either *laughing*

*Charlie and Eric clap it up*

Eric: Yo Damon why you not in on this, man? You good?
Charlie: We don’t wanna leave you out.
Damon: I’m okay.
Charlie: You single or something?
Eric: Hold up … HOLD UP! You don’t like one of us, do you?!?!

*Charlie and Eric move their seats from Damon*

Damon: I hate you guys! And no, I’m in a relationship.
Charlie: … With a girl?

Next day …

Denise: I heard you packing something serious.
Charlie: I heard you like your protein. Will you run?
Denise: I sure do. And umm … I stand and fight. Let me find out.
Charlie: Nah, you let me find out!

Meanwhile somewhere else …

Eric: I heard you know how to throw all that thickness back.
Teresa: Hmmhm … can you catch it? I heard about them tricks you can do with your long tongue.
Eric: Let me find out!
Teresa: Nah, you let me find out.

3 days later …

Denise: *crying hysterically* How could she do this to me, girl? All the men in the world and she sleep with mines. All the girls in the world and he sleep with my best friend. Then of all places they do it in my home … in my bed.
Ebony: I’m so sorry. Breathe! It’s gone be okay. I’m here for you. Let’s go out. You gotta get your mind off this.
Denise: You’re always tell me right and I never listen. Always had my back.

Next scene…

Teresa: *crying hysterically* I can’t believe she did this. I mean why can I never have something I can call my own??? Why they do this to me???
Ebony: You deserve better than this. You do. You are a good person. You deserve better. Better man and friend.
Teresa: I can’t get a better friend than you … you my only true one.

Meanwhile …

Charlie: I always say I got 99 problems and a *bleep* ain’t one but *sobbing*  I loved her. Why she do this? Then with my homie, though. Ahhh-kneeee. I wanna kill both them.
Damon: Nah, don’t do that. They not worth your freedom. You gone find somebody better. It’s a girl out here for you. The right one.
Charlie: You always been my homie.

Next scene …

Eric: I’m slipping on my pimping. I never been hurt like this. I got played. My best man and my shorty … what did they see in each other? They never showed any signs they was attracted to each other. Damn!
Damon: They deserve each other. Not you. Take it as a lesson. Learn from it. Look! I don’t like seeing you depressed. Let’s go out. You need this.
Eric: I never realize how much you had my back. Only person I can trust.

Later that night …

*After 45 minutes of passionate sex*

Ebony: I love you!
Damon: I love you more!
Ebony: You’re my best kept secret, you know that?
Damon: I know. And you’re mines. I will never open our relationship up to the world.
Ebony: Shut up and kiss me!