Tag Archives: food porn

Chicken Sexer

Raw chicken
Or a white couple on a mission
The drumsticks are her legs wrapped around his waist
As if she’s trying to keep his pants on, haha, too little, too late

The bottom where the cockerel at
Because in 4 minutes the bun in the oven taking the top rack
The oven window fogged up
Opening the door will get ya hot and bothered

Roast chicken
Or a black couple in position
The wings are her arms wrapped around his back
The nails dig in when it’s time to eat, fruit roll-up tongue looking like a snack

Somebody done ate too much
Now you gotta unbutt, unbutt, unbutt
Somebody took many many licks
Now you gotta unzip, unzip, unzip
Somebody had too much sauce
Why don’t you just take your pants off, off, off

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Watching Other People Eat April Fools Prank

*breakroom chatter*

March 29, 2014

Dominic – Hey Gerald, you want one of my chicken tenders?
Gerald – Nah, I’m okay.
Dominic – You sure?
Gerald – Yeah, I’m sure.
Dominic – Come on, man, take 3 of these french fries.
Gerald – It’s too much salt on it. Next time.

March 30, 2014

Debra – Hey Gerald, I got some chips and tuna I haven’t touched yet. Want it?
Gerald – Oooh cheddar cheese … my favorite … uhhh thanks but no thanks.
Debra – Sure?
Gerald – Yeah I’m sure. I’m on a diet.

March 31, 2014

Marie – *slides a yogurt and plastic fork across the table*
Gerald – Aww! I appreciate this. I really do but I don’t want it. I’m okay. Really.
Marie – It’s yours.
Gerald – I appreciate it but I won’t be finish in time. I gotta get back on the floor. *slides the yogurt and fork across table and leaves*
Marie – Come on …

April 1, 2014

Trevor – Now I know everyone is wondering why I gathered you here for this impromptu meeting. So let me get right into it because I don’t know how much longer Kyle can distract Gerald. We got 5 minutes until lunch. Okay, Gerald has worked here for 6 months and no one has ever seen him eat on lunchbreak. He just sits there and watch us.
Some guy in back – Makes me uncomfortable.
Some other guy – I know! It’s awkward as heck! He can at least pretend to be looking at his phone …
Some girl – Or bring a book!
Some other guy – … but he just stares at us eating with no shame!
Trevor – Yes. And I’m sure over the last 6 months everyone in this room has offered to share their food with Gerald at one time or another.
Debra – Nobody turns down Aunt D tuna and lives to tell about it.
Trevor – I have deduced Gerald is addicted to porn … food porn. And he gets off watching other people eat!
Laura – Oh my God!
Trevor – Today is April Fools and we’re going to get him back for using our lip smacking and straw sucking for his sick pleasure.
Tawonda – Have you noticed he don’t get up like everybody else to clock back in for lunch?
Martha – Un-huh I know why he can’t stand up. Un-huh. I know why.
Avery – Now I think about it … that wasn’t a cough. He was moaning.
Laura – Oh my God!
Trevor – I gave Gerald $10 yesterday and told him to use it for his lunch today. He said he was gone get Subway. Now I want everybody to hide their lunch and when he sits down to eat, we all just gone stare at him seductively licking our lips.
Kenny – Haha. This good!
Kyle – *runs in breakroom* Okay, y’all he’s coming. He’s right behind me.
Trevor – POSITIONS!
Gerald – *walks into breakroom* Sup everybody! Look what I got! Haha! Subway! Pepperoni Meatball Marinara and peanut butter cookies. Haha! Sup Debra you brought some more Tuna? Haha. *takes bite out sandwich*
Some girl – *moans*
Gerald – *thinks to self* What the … aww probably a weird cough. *takes another bite*
Some other girl – Yesssss!
Gerald – *thinks to self* Somebody asked her a question? *shrugs shoulder* *takes another bite*
Dude in back – What’s my name, girl?
Gerald – *thinks to self* He forgot his … *looks up from food*
Everybody in breakroom – *staring seductively, licking corners of mouth*
Gerald – Why the fuck everybody looking at me like that? What the hell? Where y’all lunch at??? Bruce, Kelly, Nikki, Robert? Cameron you got drool dripping on the damn table, man.
Trevor – You said you was getting a footlong but you brought in that lil’ ass 6 inch?
Some girl in back – That’s what he said!
Everybody in breakroom – *laughing*
Gerald – *runs out breakroom*