Based on actual events
Roman – I’m gone kill her!
Nubrisco – Calm down, Rome! She not worth your freedom.
Roman – I don’t care. I don’t care. I’m going to jail.
Nubrisco – Man, will you slow down and breathe. Talk to me!
Roman – I’m done talking.
Nubrisco – I can’t let you do this. You not thinking straight. *wraps Roman’s arms up with his and holds him in a standstill*
Roman – Let me go!
Nubrisco – No!
*2 girls walk by*
Chanita – Oooh girl they all at the park with this!
Nubrisco – *lets Roman go*
Roman – *runs off*
Nubrisco – Rome …
*the 2 girls look at Nubrisco with an anticipating stare*
*Nubrisco looks at their curious faces*
Nubrisco – Rome … uhhh how you BEAUTIFUL PRETTY SEXY GORGEOUS HOT ladies doing?
Chanita – Hmmhmm.
Kim – Boy, whatever! *snaps fingers*
*the 2 girls walk off*
Nubrisco – *softly utters* Damn, Rome!
The next day …
Kim – Oh my God, girl. Come here. Look who on the news!
Chanita – Who?
Kim – That’s that guy we saw in the park yesterday who ran off when we caught him hugging the dude who tried to flirt with us. News saying he killed his girlfriend.
Chanita – Damn. I guess he was bi.
Kim – You know what, I don’t think he is. I think he was straight. They probably wasn’t hugging. His friend probably was holding him. I don’t know. But I don’t think we should go to that park again. We should cancel our morning walk.
Chanita – Why? The news said they caught him, though.
Kim – Yeahhhh but what about his friend???
Chanita – Surely you can’t believe his friend would hold us responsible for him letting his friend go ’cause he didn’t want us to think he was gay?
Kim – He just might! I’m not willing to find out. I say we find another park to workout at.
Chanita – Girl, you worry too much. I’m going for my walk.
Kim – Let’s just go to another park.
Chanita – I like that park. How can he blame us for not being strong in his sexuality??? He should’ve kept hugging him. Or holding him, whatever. Plus, we didn’t drive his friend crazy. We not his girlfriend. Look. I’m going to the park in 30 minutes. You coming or not?
Kim – … I can’t. I just can’t. Got a bad feeling about that park. I’m sorry. Let’s just go to another one, ‘Nita.
Chanita – You worry too much!
Kim – *sigh* Well at least talk to me on the phone the whole time you’re there.
Chanita – … ok then. Well I’m mad you got me going alone. But ok. I’ll call you when I get there.
37 minutes later …
Chanita – Girl, I’m 10 minutes into my walk. Nobody out here! You should’ve came! Ugh!
Kim – I apologize. I just couldn’t. I just had these gut feelings when we was watching the news. But you know I would have if you went to another park. It’s one not too far from that one. You too stubborn.
Chanita – No, you worry too much. But anywayyyyys girl, did you see that Vine video of this girl getting hit in the head with a shovel???
Kim – Hahaha. Oh my God! That was the most awkward fight I EVER seen. They up there getting to know each other before the fight, petting animals and shit.
Chanita – The girl in black like what’s your birthday. Haha.
Kim – She was like, “don’t hit me in the face.” You in a fight, dumb ass!
Chanita – You saw when her fat ass friend tried to help her and ran up to the house then her mama came out with that lil’ ass dog? Haha. Girl, I was dying … *breathing hard*
Kim – Girl, you must be having an awesome ass workout? You suddenly started breathing hard as hell. Haha.
Chanita – *drops phone* KIM!!!!!!!!
Kim – Hello? Hello? Hello? Chanita, what’s wrong? Hello? Chanita? Hello? HELLOOOOOOOOOO. SAY SOMETHING! I CAN’T HEAR YOU. CHANITA, YOU THERE? OH MY GOD! HELLOOOOOOO!
Nubrisco – *picks up phone* Well hello there!
Kim – *gasps and drops phone, shattering the glass screen*
Two men rob man of condom at knifepoint two days after DOMA was ruled unconstitutional? Seems like the queers are just ready to party and couldn’t afford the party supplies! Jazz hands……FABULOUS!
Some men have 20 kids by 12 different women to prove they aren’t. Some men get married over and over AAANNNDDD over to prove they aren’t. No matter how wrong, some men won’t EVER disagree with a woman to prove they aren’t. And finally, some men will turn themselves into police, thus going to jail to prove they aren’t. Wait! Why would you …
The Erie Pennsylvania Police Department received a letter Sunday morning from 2 men claiming to be the ones who robbed another man of a condom at knifepoint. Here’s the gist of the letter:
We will glaadly turn ourselves in! However, we have demands if you want that to happen, which we know you do, because we read an article on MSN Now that said y’all were “hard at work on the case.” Okay. This is what we want. We want the victim to come forward and make a public statement, preferably a viral YouTube video. After the video gets a million views we will glaadly turn ourselves in. In the video, we want the victim to tell the public that the condom was ALL he had in his pockets. That he had no wallet, no cash, no phone, no napkin with some chick’s number, which if he did, we would have stolen it because we like girls. Speaking of which, we will also glaadly give the victim his condom back meaning WE DID NOT USE IT!!!
Working with YouTube, the Erie Police Department put out a 1,397,340 fake-view-count-video with the victim. When the robbers turned themselves in and got thrown in jail, the victim told them he will be putting out a real video on YouTube detailing how he actually had a brand new iPhone on him, credit and debit cards, his social security card, and a whopping $1,800 in cash. Then he said, “What’s really gone hurt their ‘reputation’ is when I tell the people they gave me a different condom back. The one I had was a gold wrapper. They gave me a purple one back! What’s the color purple?”
Built on top of:
- 2 Erie Men Rob Man Of Condom At Knifepoint (CBS Pittsburgh)