Tag Archives: girls

The Hopeless Itch

Based on true story

FADE IN

INT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

CRAIG

[takes bag out of freezer, puts food in pan, places pan in oven] I wish I had some noodles to go with these Steak Fingers.

[text notification]

CRAIG (CONT’D)

(mumble)

“I miss fighting with you too.”

Craig frowns and calls the number.

HOPE

Hello.

CRAIG

It’s been 3 weeks!

HOPE

Ugh.

CRAIG

You must be bored?

HOPE

[laughs] How’d you know?

CRAIG

Find some other guy to use for entertainment, okay!

HOPE

No, seriously, I wrote a reply the next day, but I forgot to press the send button.

CRAIG

How you forget to do something as natural as that?

HOPE

I was hesitant about letting you know I missed you back. I was still upset at that about that “What’s up my ass” text after I texted you what’s up when I woke up. I didn’t respond to your earlier texts that day because I was sleep. And I was just sitting here bored, and you crossed my mind. I was wondering why you haven’t bothered me in a while then I looked at our texts and saw the text I sent you today still saved in a draft.

CRAIG

I don’t believe you!

 HOPE

So, you don’t wanna be my friend?

CRAIG

Whatever!

HOPE

What you doing?

CRAIG

Cooking, but I’m thinking about turning off this oven and ordering a pizza.

HOPE

You gone invite your friend over?

CRAIG

Seriously?

HOPE

Yeah, we been talking for months and haven’t met yet. You flaked me out twice.

CRAIG

I did not flake you out either time. The first time I …

HOPE

Let’s forget the past. Let’s have a meet and greet. I haven’t eaten in all day and I’m starving.

CRAIG

(reluctantly)

Okay!

HOPE

What kind you getting?

CRAIG

Papa John’s.

HOPE

Oooh, my favorite.

CRAIG

What toppings you want?

HOPE

It don’t matter. Long as it don’t have nuts on it. I’m allergic.

CRAIG

I’m getting one called John’s Favorite. It got sausage, pepperoni, and 6 different cheeses.

HOPE

That sounds good to me!

CRAIG

Well, I need to clean up and take a shower.

HOPE

We ain’t finna fuck!

CRAIG

Wheet?! Umm … what does me taking a shower have to do with sex??? I been working all day and haven’t taken one since I been home.

HOPE

Well, I’m not gone get ready.

CRAIG

Umm … why?

HOPE

Until I know it’s real.

CRAIG

What’s real?

HOPE

Us meeting. I mean, you flaked me out twice.

CRAIG

I did not …

HOPE

Let’s not talk about the past!

CRAIG

How you gone know it’s real?

HOPE

When you text me your address?

CRAIG

Okay, I’ll be ready in 30 minutes.

Craig and Hope hang up. Craig takes shower. As he is cleaning the toilet, he thinks about Hope’s sex comment and becomes intensely offended.

CRAIG

[sends Hope text saying, “I don’t wanna fuck you. I’m not even attracted to you.”]

HOPE

[sends reply saying, “K.”]

As Craig is continuing to clean the toilet, the single letter reply text Hope sent starts bothering him intensely.

CRAIG

[calls Hope]

HOPE

Hello.

CRAIG

Look! Our first meeting should be in broad day and in public. Not 10:30 at night at my house. Because I don’t want you thinking I’m trying to fuck you!

HOPE

Craig, it was a joke!

CRAIG

Was it?

HOPE

Yesss. You need to loosen up! I know you’re not attracted to me. You remind me all the time. [laughs]

CRAIG

I still think we should meet in public, when the sun is out. This is short notice for me. I hate not having a plan.

HOPE

You know I’m a Gemini, right?

CRAIG

So am I.

HOPE

So you should know I’m not gone let you keep flaking me out and being cool about it.

CRAIG

(sighs)

Just grab a piece of paper and a pen so you can write down my address.

25 minutes later 

EXT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

When Hope gets out her car Craig hugs her for 30 seconds. 

CRAIG

Let me show you some of our amenities. That’s our pool.

INT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

CRAIG

You know what a laundry room looks like. But I ought to show you the FIXED washers and dryers in there.

HOPE

Finally! I remember you telling me about that.

CRAIG

Here’s our gym. I will be in here tomorrow after eating this Papa Johns.

HOPE

[laughs]

INT. STUDY ROOM – NIGHT

CRAIG

And here’s our study room. They just added this room. It’s mostly for parents to study without interruption from their kids.  This where we gone wait on our pizza at. Just talk before we go up to my apartment.

Hope puts her belongings on the first table near the entrance.

CRAIG

Oh no! We gone sit here at this table in the corner.

HOPE

Your pictures don’t do you justice!

CRAIG

What do you mean?

HOPE

You look better in person.

CRAIG

You saying my photography skills are bad?

HOPE

No, just some people aren’t picture perfect.

CRAIG

That’s my first time hearing that. I must say you are taller than I expected and don’t take this the wrong way but look like a mature 40-year-old woman.

HOPE

I’m 27 and it’s the glasses I got on. I’m blind. I can’t see with my peripherals. On the way … [jumps up and screams]

CRAIG

What’s wrong?

HOPE

A bug fell in my hair. [removes hairband and shakes braids]

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

CRAIG

Before we go in, I just wanna hug you again.

HOPE

Umm, okay.

CRAIG

I just want you to feel loved.

HOPE

Loved?

CRAIG

Yeah, because of that unattractive stuff. You look better in person too. And also because we haven’t really got along since we met. [laughs]

HOPE

You got that right.

Craig hugs Hope for 15 seconds, rubbing her arms and upper back.

INT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

CRAIG

You ready to eat some pizza?

HOPE

Yes, I am starving. I almost ate a turkey sandwich because I thought you was gone flake on me. But I had some hope for you.

CRAIG

I love your name … NO! NO! NO! Those 4 are your slices!

HOPE

[laughs] You act like we got half and half different toppings. It’s all the same.

CRAIG

Yeah, I know, but I had them cut it and designate which ones was mines and which ones was yours.

HOPE

Okay, cool.

An hour passes. 

CRAIG

You been scratching all night. You okay?

HOPE

I’m itching. My arms and my nose. Is it red?

CRAIG

Yeah it is. I apologize. I was cleaning up before you got here. I only got to the toilet. Although, I knew you wasn’t gone take a bath over here I was cleaning the tub too. There’s still dirty dishes in the sink. Could it be dust?

HOPE

I don’t know. Maybe I’m allergic to you. [laughs]

CRAIG

[laughs] This is embarrassing. I wanted to have my apartment clean before you got here.

HOPE

It’s okay, because I’m a slob. When I lived by myself I had stuff everywhere. I wouldn’t wash my panties and bras until I was down to the last one.

CRAIG

I just wanted everything to be so presentable for you.

HOPE

It’s okay. You’re a bachelor. I don’t know what it is. The only thing I’m allergic to is nuts and the pizza doesn’t have any.

CRAIG

Of course, not!

HOPE

Well, I’m getting tired.

CRAIG

You want your other 3 slices of pizza.

HOPE

Nah.

CRAIG

Sure? You only ate one slice. You gone be hungry on your lunch-break at work.

HOPE

I don’t think I’m going. I’m starting to get a stomach ache.

CRAIG

Well, let me walk you down.

EXT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

HOPE

Well I’m happy I finally got to meet you!

CRAIG

Me too! Give me a hug!

Craig and Hope hug, with Craig picking Hope up off her feet squeezing her.

CRAIG

Okay, you go this way to get out of here. I’ll meet you at the gate.

Craig walks over to the exit while Hope drives around the apartment complex to leave. When she meets him there she stops the car to say parting words.

CRAIG

You made it! Well it was nice …

Another car pulls in and Hope pulls Craig closer to her car through the driver side.

HOPE

You almost got hit by a car!

CRAIG

Oh, I thought you was giving me another hug.

HOPE

Nah. I was saving your life. [laughs]

CRAIG

Text me when you get home so I know you made it there safely.

INT. CRAIG’S APARTMENT- NIGHT

The camera shows a closed elevator door. A manic cackle is heard in the background. As the number above the elevator door go from 1 to 10 the laughter becomes louder. When the number reaches 11 the doors open. Craig is on his knees. As Craig is crawling to his apartment door, which he is unable to find because he can’t see due to the tears in his eyes from laughing, the scene cuts to a sequence of events that happened just moments before Craig and Hope met: Craig placing a roach on the wall in the study room; Craig rubbing itching powder on the sleeves of his jacket; Craig sprinkling small nuts on 4 slices of pizza before re-entering the study room with Hope.

FADE TO BLACK

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The One That Got Away (Lost Love)

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Vicki – This is Harold.

Harold – *extends hand* Hey, I’m Harold. *thinks to self* Wow … she is so pretty!

Her – *shakes hand* Hey.

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she didn’t tell me her name?

30 minutes later …

Her – How long you been here?

Harold – Since October. Were you a part of the group Denise was training?

Her –  Yeah. You know when this is ending?

Harold – They said December 23rd.

Her – What’s that like 3 paychecks for me? *smirks*

Harold – *smirks*

Her – I can’t wait ‘till school starts back.

Harold – You mean the spring semester? When does it start back? January 15th?

Her – Yeah.

Harold – *thinks to self* I love how wavy her hair is.

Hour later …

Harold – What are you going to school for?

Her – To be an Obstetrician. I want to deliver babies.

Harold – *thinks to self* Yeah but whose gonna deliver ours.

Hour later …

Harold – How long have you been wanting to deliver babies?

Her – It takes 12 years to be one. I only been in school for a year and a half.

Harold – Nah, I meant how long have you had the passion to do it?

Her – Since I was 5. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor or obstetrician. I just didn’t know which one.

Harold – Have you delivered one yet?

Her – No.

Harold – *thinks to self* I don’t usually like girls in the medical field but DAMN I like her! Man!

30 minutes later …

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she not asking me questions back? She must not be interested? I don’t like her no more!

15 minutes later …

Her – Can you help me with this?

Vicki – You gotta ask him, baby.

Harold – *thinks to self* That was rude, Vicki. I believe she’s jealous because I’m running my mouth now. But why she didn’t ask me in the first place?! Ugh! I’m not helping her! I don’t like her no more!

Her – Can you? *smiles*

Harold – Yeahhhhh. *thinks to self* Okayyyyy I’m a sucka. I like her again!

15 minutes later …

Harold – *secretly staring at her*

Her – *becoming frustrated* Throws me the blanket.

Harold – *laughing*

2 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* I cannot figure her out! Is she just shy and quiet like me? Is that why she’s not talking? I don’t talk to nobody here but I wanna talk to her! Can’t she tell I’m trying to get to know her? But I’m not gone keep asking her questions if she’s just giving answers. You know what, I don’t like her no more!

Her – *walks away from the table*

Harold – *thinks to self* Woo! I like her again!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Harold – I hope she comes back to my table today.

5 minutes later …

Some girl – *sits her stuff on table*

Harold – *thinks to self* Who the hell is this???? Where is my girl?! Oooh there she go! Damn, she walked in a minute too late. Let me wave! Damn, did she see me? She didn’t wave back. Ugh! I don’t like her no more! I’m glad she not at my table!

2 hours later …

Harold – *walking pass her table to get to the break room*

Her – Hey! What time do we go on break?

Harold – Well, my cell go to break now, at 7:45. *stops to get water*

Her – *walks ahead*

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she stop walking? Oh my God! She’s waiting on me! Giggity!

Her – *pulls out her phone* When does this end?

Harold – They said the 23rd.

Her – But it can’t because we don’t work that day.

Harold – Check your calendar on your phone.

Her – That’s what I’m doing.

Harold – *thinking to self* I’m walking with my baby! We moving at the same pace too haha. Maybe I should go to the same break room she is going in? Nah. I need to keep my distance for now. I’m just gone keep walking to the 3rd break room.

3 hours later …

Harold – *walks to her table* It’s lunch time! *thinking to self* Should I sit with her now? Nah. Distance!

Hour later …

Harold – Where is this girl??? She suppose to been back 15 minutes ago. She gone get in trouble! There she go!

Her – *walks to my cell* What time was we suppose to been back?

Harold – Girl, where have you been? I almost came to the break room and snatched you up.

Her – *laughs*

30 minutes later …

Her – *walks to my cell* That lady keep looking at me!

Harold – Who?

Her – *pointing at the lady with her eye direction* The lady with the curly hair. I don’t have no work.

Harold – Just act like you doing something. You want me to bring you some work over there?

Her – Yeah.

Harold – *walks to another table* Hey, do you mind if I get 2 of your totes?

Some lady – Okay.

Harold – *walks to HER table* Here you go! Just work real slow.

Her – Thank you.

Harold – *looking back, staring at her*

25 minutes later …

Harold – *mouths* You need some work?

Her – *mouths* She gone give me some. *walks to my cell* What’s that lady name?

Harold – Denise?

Her – Yeah. She gone bring me some.

30 minutes later …

Her – *walks to my cell*

Harold – She still didn’t bring you none?

Her – Nah.

Harold – You want some of mines?

Her -I’m leaving at 4:30 so it don’t matter.

15 minutes later …

Harold – *looking back, staring at her tapping her pen on table*

3:57pm

Harold – *looks up and sees her with her jacket in her hand* *thinks to self* She didn’t even tell me bye! I don’t like her no more!

20 minutes later …

Lead – Hey young man! Do you know the girl’s name that was at this table?

Harold – No. I think it starts with a K or J. She had to leave at 4. *thinking to self* If I did know it, I wouldn’t tell you no way. Why she asking me this? My back is turnt to the table she was at. Why she didn’t ask the people that was at the table with her? She must saw us talking. I guess being quiet stands out sometimes. I hope she not in trouble!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Harold – *thinks to self* Okayyyyy it’s 6:30. She must be running late!

4 hours later …

Harold – Damn! I believe she got fired.

Friday, December 13, 2013
Harold – Hey, were you a part of the group Denise was training?

Some guy – Yeah.

Harold – What happen to all the people that was with you? What happen to the short …

Some guy – You talking about the girl you was talking to?

Harold – Umm … yeah. *thinking to self* Damn! He seen me too! Was we THAT obvious?

Some guy – Yeah, that’s Tisha! She quit. I  texted her yesterday and asked her where she was at. She said she couldn’t take it!

Harold – I know she had to leave at 4 Wednesday.

Some guy – Yeah, she had a test to take.

Harold – You know what school she go to?

Some guy – Yeah, Northwest.

Harold – Northwest? You mean Southwest?

Some guy – *laughs* Yeah, my bad.

Harold – Thanks! *walks in solitude* *thinks to self* Okay, 4 things! Her name is Tisha. She didn’t get fired. She go to school by my house. And THIS guy has her number! Ugh! Now I gotta be his friend!

2 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* This is all my fault! Why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m not a go-getter. Why every time I want something I let it slip through my fucking finger tips! Why do I keep waiting? Knowing our time is limited here. I was gone ask for her number on the last day. I should’ve got it when she had her phone out. Why do I keep waiting? *tears up* I can’t believe I’m actually about to cry over this. I barely knew her! I’m not crying over her. I’m crying because I don’t act when I need to. I keep choking and blowing chances to get what I want when it’s right fucking there. I think too much. This not about girls but about everything. I actually liked her more than Anna! I hope I can see her again. Hopefully, I attract her with my mind. Dammit! It was only 2 weeks left. She couldn’t take that??? She’s a damn quitter! I can’t take it either but I’m persevering. Why didn’t I see this coming??? She was giving me signs. After that lead ask me did I know her I just figured they was gone fire her. I was gone speed up my seduction and get her number today instead of on the last day. Now I may never see her again! What’s the chances of bumping into her at a school I don’t go to no more? She was so perfect for me! WHY DIDN’T I GET HER NUMBER WHEN SHE HAD HER DAMN PHONE OUT?!?! I don’t deserve her number if I’m gone be shy about what I want in life. Why the fuck am I crying? I lost my motivation to be here! Fuck the money! I need to go to the restroom.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Harold – *thinks to self* You know what, soon as I see this dude, I’m gone ask him for her number. Fuck it! I gotta get my girl!

3 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* Where the hell is he? He’s usually right there. I wonder is he in another cell. Let me ask Denise.

Denise – Hey Harold.

Harold – Denise, where is the guy that was at that table yesterday?

Denise – He quit!
 

When Breathing Hard In The Gym Goes Wrong (Are You Having Sex While We On The Phone?)

Based on a true story … kind of.

One month earlier …

Max: *fist-pounding in disgust* I got trust issues when it comes to these *bleep*. She ratchetttt!
Joey: What you talking about?
Max: Man, you haven’t seen that video of this girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone while having sex with another dude … while 3 other dudes waiting they turn?
Joey: What?!
Max: It’s all on WorldStar. I masturbated to that *bleep* with a frown on my face. These *bleep* disgust me!

10 minutes later …

Joey: Yooooo! I just saw that video! How he didn’t know she was doing something?
Max: Obviously, he hasn’t been dating her long. Don’t know the variety in her voice. Her normal voice, her white people voice, her freaky voice. Breathing hard should’ve gave it away. Damn fool. He deserve it.

Present day …

Max: *talking to self* Yes, thank God! Nobody on the treadmill. *looks around* Oh snap! I got the whole gym to myself. Yeah! Now I can finally stretch before I work out.

5 minutes later …

Max: *sitting down, doing hamstring stretches* *thinking to self* Almost done … damn! This *bleep* just walked in here and went straight for the treadmill. Ugh! Well, she fat, she won’t be on it long. 3 minutes tops! Haha.

25 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I wish this *bleep* would leave! All this unwanted time I spent in hurr. I was gone stretch for a few minutes, run 30, and be out. 40 minutes tops! I’m in this *bleep* pretending I’m enjoying lifting these weights. My *bleep* arms hurt.

18 minutes later …

Max: *thinking to self* I’m mad as *bleep*. I’m about to go. Knew I shouldn’t have stretched. What’s that noise? Her phone ringing.
Girl: *puts it on speaker*
Person on phone: Hello, hello, hello, wifey?
Girl: *breathing hard* Let me, let me catch my …
Max: *thinking to self* Wifey? I know what I’m about to do … *yells out-loud* SHE TRYING TO CATCH THESE BALLS! WE HAVING SEX! WE HAVING SEX! OH, BABY! YEAHHHHH! OH MY GOD!
Girl: *struggling to take it off speaker because her fingers are moist due to sweat* Oh my God! Shut up, boy!
Max: *Moaning* THIS THE BEST I EVER HAD! WE HAVING SEX! YOU AIN’T HANDLING YOUR BUSINESS IN THE BEDROOM HOMIE! SHE WANT A REAL MAN! GIVE IT TO ME GIRL! SHE CHEATING ON YOU! *runs out gym*

Next day …

Joey: *shaking head in disgust*
Max: What’s wrong, big homie?
Joey: I’m about to be on WorldStar, dog.
Max: You got your ass beat?
Joey: Nah. I called my girl yesterday while she was having sex with another dude and this *bleep* picked up the phone so I could hear it. Dude voice sounded familiar too.
Max: *breathing hard* That … that … let me catch my balls, BREATH, BREATH. I said breath! That was YOUR girl?!
Joey: *slowly takes his palm off his face, looks up, slowly turns head, twists lips like Marlon Wayans in Don’t Be A Menace* What you mean THAT was my girl?!

Basket Of Love

I sent her some flowers yesterday with a note attached saying:

*Yelling through the microphone* to *bring you back*.

*Be like a gnat* and swarm around me again.

A bear name Harry is somewhere in that *cluttered room*.

He needs a hug.

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

Har+new??? Didn’t you mean Har-old? Oh, because of the play on words?

No, no, no, no, no.

More like OUT with the *OLD*, IN with the *NEW*.

Now “play” with those words.

FY,

Har+new

P.S. I’m still disappointed in you but couldn’t let that get in the way of helping you out. What you do now (present) does affect the later (future).

Overcompensation


James W. Dean Jr. on Citizen Kane

This psychological study of the making of a publishing empire is based on the life of William Randolph Hearst, whose overwhelming drive for business success was based on compensating for his abandonment by his parents.

Patricia Chui on The Social Network

The Social Network starts with a breakup — Mark Zuckerberg’s (Jesse Eisenberg) breakup with his girlfriend Erica Albright (Rooney Mara). In the movie, Erica grows exasperated with Mark’s arrogant attitude and dumps him. This leads to a long night in which Mark gets drunk, blogs vitriolically about Erica and then invents Facemash, a site that lets users rank Harvard women by comparing photos from the college’s dormitory directories (or face books). And this, eventually, sparks his idea for Facebook.

… Zuckerberg invented Facebook to impress/get over his ex-girlfriend …

Overcompensation.

Har-old, for losing Tiera, win with the Yeebizan. Please!

Even if it’s to just get her attention.

Arrrggghhh … you disappointed me. You. She … she was the …

Futuristically yours,

Har+new

P.S. I started this blog to help you. Now I’m thinking about taking it away from you. I’m so disappointed in you!