John Borowski, Noah Ritter’s grandfather, and Sofia Ojeda, the reporter that interviewed Noah at the Wayne County Fair are suing the creators behind a remake of the “Apparently Kid” viral video. In it, at the 37-second-mark, a little girl wearing a Peace shirt appears on camera saying “Hi” and tries to get the attention of the reporter. Just like in the real video. At the 47-second mark, a “Bruce Leroy glow” appears around the body of the child actor playing Noah Ritter. The little girl actor who has said “hi” 17 more times since then gets smacked out the way by the reporter, who yells, “Get a personality, bitch!” At the minute and 30-second mark, the actor playing Noah’s grandfather gets arrested. A team of FBI agents accuse him of kidnapping his grandson because of the “strange” behavior he displayed while the camera was on Noah. One of the FBI agents says, “Why did you keep tapping him on his shoulder, like let’s go? Why are you in such a rush? You don’t need the PowerBall. This video is about to go viral. You have to be a kidnapper for not letting him talk more.” After the FBI rushes the grandfather away, to the satisfaction of the fans who wanted to hear Noah talk more, the fantasy interview goes on for 3 minutes longer than the real one. The video had 326,433 views before it was removed on YouTube for violating their child abuse policy.
UPDATE: Sofia Ojeda has released a formal statement: “I have never abused a child like what was depicted of ‘me’ in RntP8_e9ZvlO0oru63cbQ’s recreation video. Especially one I gave birth to. Yes, that little girl in the video with Noah was actually my daughter. If you listened closely, you could hear me call her honey. Why would I call someone else’s daughter that? Furthermore, to address people who’ve said I ignored her, I will be giving her an interview asking about her experience at the fair then upload it to YouTube. She has tons of personality! Stay tuned!”
Built on top:
- The attention-seeking little girl; the rushing of the grandfather
When you learn a new word do you try to incorporate it in your vocabulary by saying it often in sentences, even ones where it doesn’t make sense?
“When he didn’t immediately call me to tell me how he did on the LSAT, I knew he failed,” said Meghan Zane, who may have saved her boyfriend, Patrick Ross, from committing suicide.
Zane called Ross instead. Her suspicions was confirmed. Ross scored poorly. “The last thing he said on the phone was that he was going home to get some rest then we hung up. Then I quickly realized how bad of an idea that was. I called back several times but he wasn’t answering. So, I jumped in the car to beat him home. I knew if he got there first, that would have been a nap he never woke from,” said the girlfriend.
Zane continued, “Pat worked as an exclusive photographer. You had to be a lawyer to be his client. In some of the poses he had them point at the camera and laugh. In group shots, he had one lawyer whisper into the other’s ear. Then without their knowledge, he would go home and hang these pictures all over the walls in his apartment. He did this for motivation. For inspiration. He pretended that these lawyers, these people already in their chosen field was making fun of him for still being a photographer. I always invited him to my place because I hated going to his. Those pictures were so creepy. It’s like the finger-pointing was following me everywhere I moved like a GIF. I even started getting paranoid and would fake laugh to see if I still heard laughter after mines stopped. Why would they laugh at me? I don’t want to be a lawyer. I was going crazy. I had to get out of there.”
UPDATE: Meghan has broken up with Patrick because she fears losing him to suicide anyway if he doesn’t become a lawyer anytime soon. Meghan’s ex-boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver. She doesn’t want to lose another boyfriend in an untimely manner. Breakups can be nasty. This one was no different. When Patrick got Meghan fired from her job at Arby’s by making her late (she already had excessive tardies), Meghan got her revenge by telling all Patrick’s clients what he was doing with their photos. This has led to every lawyer in the state of New York refusing to work with Patrick, thus making him homeless as he wasn’t able to make ends meet. When we caught up with him a few days later, he was back living with his mother. The walls in his room was covered with pictures of women with an uncanny resemblance to Meghan. The poses were still the same, however, the finger-pointing seemed to be at an lower angle. All the male associates of Futuristically Yours strangely insisted doing the interview in another part of the house.
Built on top of:
• A dream I had a few weeks ago
What’s so funny? I want to laugh too.
Waking up Tuesday morning to what he described as “a crumbling building in the movie Inception sound,” 27 years-young Hal McAuthor, walking to Walgreens, later that day, saw one of the nearby college towers being demolished by a wrecking ball. He had it. He called his best friend, Daniel Booker, over to his house. The idea was for one of them to jump the construction fence while the workers were on break, sneak on-site, climb the rubble to the top floor. Then a passerby (one of them), was to cellphone-record it and pretend someone was still trapped in the half-gone building. Things went smooth until Booker saw the construction workers coming back from lunch and called for McAuthor to come down. Somehow McAuthor’s foot got stuck in a door trying to escape. The cries for help were sincere this time. Exacerbating the situation was the workers having earbuds in. Worse of all … the wrecking ball driver. As Booker ran across the street, dodging traffic, to alert the crew, he dropped his phone. An elementary school bus steamrolled right over it. Relieved criminal trespassing and reckless endangerment charges wouldn’t be pursued, the 2 friends are disappointed their 52 second viral video was thrown under the bus. Hoping to redeem themselves, they’re hoping this article written about their misfortune goes viral. “Sharing rhymes with caring,” said, McAuthor.
Built on top of:
Happy Future Father’s Day
Did the author write a viral-worthy post?
Har-old, do you know the REAL reason Daylyt got a face tattoo? He did it so he couldn’t get a job. He called it no longer being locked in the Matrix. Now I’m not suggesting you get a Spawn tattoo on your mug, however, I am suggesting going to similar extremes that FORCE entrepreneurship on you. That will allow you to be your own boss. To do whatever you like. Free yourself from the rat race by purposely losing it.
Now, what will be your extreme?
If you’re walking, don’t run from it.
If you’re driving, don’t roll up your window.
Next time you see a Loomis money truck spew out black smoke of exhaust, put that black cloud over your head and let it enter your lungs.
One acting job, one hospital trip, and one lawsuit later …
You will have every cent in the back of that truck without a single gunshot being fired.
- Fridge/Freezer, Fan, Summer clothing, Electricity (a lot), Money for Electricity, Water, Ice packs.
COMBINE FRIDGE, FAN AND ICE PACKS – PLUG IN BOTH ITEMS PLACING ICE PACKS BEHIND FAN.
TIE RIBBONS TO FAN JUST TO MAKE SURE ITS WORKING.
COMBINE ICE PACKS AND WATER
COMBINE SUMMER CLOTHES AND YOU (I.E. PUT THEM ON)
STAND IN FRONT OF OPEN FREEZER/FRIDGE AND BECOME ONE WITH THE POPSICLES.
PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL WITH AN OPEN MIND.