Tag Archives: inspiration

Wedding Ring In The Gym Bag 💍💼

Wedding ring in the gym bag /
While I knock beach sand out the punching bag /
With the finger the tan line is at

I didn’t get on 1 knee to make you get on 1 knee to kiss a ring you bought with your wealth /
You said you will love me through sickness and health /
So I thought your heart-shaped lips clicking the waistline of my ring finger would stop it from looking pale /
Lightskin, lightskin, well, wail, whale

You don’t care about the muffin top on my ring finger, you care about the one that’s on my body /
You worked it out in your head “the only time a man takes his wedding ring off is in the gym” to see if he still got it

Sloppy or hottie, I never let ‘em see me sweat /
After we got married, I stopped singing on the treadmill so can’t another woman tell you how my voice sound when I’m talking during sex /
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Ain’t believing nothing I say I see /
Mobile around my mobile when I’m not local, hacking my iPhone’s Face ID

So know when I ask you who you gone be for Halloween I’m going to town /
Be like me, fling your ring when you go ding ding and find out life’s a beach when you drown /
Some Dundee put in quicksand when I left out /
And you want me to help pull you up but wanna be picky about /
Which hand I use like I’m the butler from Hell’s House /
I’m a big boy, I can watch Scary Movies by myself now

Deuces

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Flower Power 10.21 🌹⛄️

I’m playing
With the floral prints on my pants
She loves me she loves me not
The holes in my clothes the rose petals in the snow
Whether I’m on both for her tulips or on 1 to tie the knot
My knees aren’t exposed, R.I.P to the ripped
Lucky girl Domino cared, shared, didn’t leave me bare, assed out like a hospital robe
The orchid covering the orchid like frottage
Her shorts is so boyish
Daisy dukes your prince says flush sleeping in your Jeep down the toilet
My greenhouse welcomes transparency and comes with no mortgage (Oh shit!)
That mess
Of using the year of your car as your address
Is in our rear view pass tense
Jammed jamming to the Buckwheat Boys last hit
The irony of Californians being used to being stuck in traffic
Is that they gotta make their cars just as comfortable as their pad is
You know how it feels to be homeless?
What if that piece of flap I was holding
Was the box you threw away after you opened
Label got your name, phone and street number on it
These chipmunk cheeks can pop out the foam peanuts at any moment
And turn you into a cardboard cutout, don’t mean to be joking
But it’s fitting the back of you is all brown because you shitted on yourself
I’ll be the sign-holder of the crime scene when the Crown Vic, Charger, and Tahoe approaching
“He went that way” and go the other way
Opposites don’t attract, I’m fucking gay
Placing a flower down the barrel of a soldier’s rifle didn’t work
Because now I got floral prints on my pretty little white shirt
… and it hurts

Adam and Steve
Madam and Eve
Met him and she
Read ‘em and weeped
Po-po-po-poker face, po-po-po-poker face
Oooh oooh, ahhh ahhh
Babies on your face, now you Googoo Gaga
Whowho haha

Flower power
Flower power
Flower power
Dandelions & tiger lilies & bear grass oh my !
Flower power
Flower power
Flower power
My my my my my my my
The smell of the flowers is killing us all
Bye bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye

I’m out

Mama You Can Do It

Sitting on the kitchen floor in my panties and tee its 3:54 in the morning
Eating ice cream with the refrigerator door halfway open
I’m hoping my daughter don’t walk-in on me rummaging through the trash, no, no, no
Rum age? What I’m looking for is 2 days old
Wednesday and Thursday marked out on the calendar but so
I’m about to lose this game of tic tac toe, oh ohhhhhh

Mama you can do it
Please just go back to bed
Before you end up puking
I’ll hold your hair if it comes to it
And if you must sleep by the toilet
Little spoon will hug you from the back
You can tuck me in again when you’re sober
No, you can’t come in my friend, mama said no hangovers

Dad, I know what you are thinking
But this time mama wasn’t drinking
She swerved to avoid hitting a wolf
I wish she did after what it did to little red riding hood
We spared its life
Least it could do is stop these pigs from treating my mama like a kid, saying ABC’s, walking in a straight line

Mama you can do it, do it, do it, do it

French Fries at the Bottom of the Bag

Comfort food
I come for you
In a conquered mood
What I’m to do?
Don’t play dumb
Like a plate of crumbs
I know you can say some’ so say some’
The way the cheese hang out the burger makes it look like a tongue
Do I gotta compliment you before you will talk to me? Yum!
Now talk to me
Just when I thought you were gone
And I started to feel all alone I found …

French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
Almost went “Curry for 3” in the trash (un-huh)
French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
I’ll eat you cold so don’t you feel bad (un-un)

My work I’m doing it, your work I’m doing it
I’m not a boss but, I’m Super Work Bitch
Untuck my shirt my tennis tail becomes a cape
Fuck your clubhouse I got famous on my 15 minute break

Where all my ladies at who spend too much time in the bathroom? Put your brushes and combs in the air. I want you to repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend

Okay, now where all my fellas at who spend too much time on the computer writing dirty haiku poems? Put your keyboards in the air! Repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend

Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family (yeah!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground

Dance Like You’re In An iPod Commercial

Hello Miss Lovely, paving stones light up when you walk
She don’t say nothing but, baby makes her blue jeans talk
The dirty denims she’s donning tell me they’re in a relationship with white shirt
Is there room for the genuine, the whole club was looking at her
Ghost of Bowie speeding through the dance hall like a rocket
Eight references but you got a thousand songs in your back pocket
You sound like an iPod commercial

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my thumb up

Line your white lines where your shadow is cast, curb role
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Da-da-damn, damn

I don’t know why I made the letter Y as if this cocaine was the chalk
And her skin was the black board, I just wanted the line to end where my tongue was gone be used for more than to talk
What happen to your head? You look like Dave in Back To The Future
I didn’t get high before this, I’m sure, are you sure? I’m sure
All of her features disappeared from her body
And I was overcome with nostalgia for my days in college
You look like an iPod commercial

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my index

Line your white lines where your shadow is cast, curb role
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Da-da-damn, damn

I wanna issue out a challenge
It’s kind of violent
Don’t look up from your phone until you run into a fucking pole
Slide up and down, swing round and round, nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Go, go
They’re so distracted by their new pet bird
Teaching it how to talk with no character in its words (word!)

Fly my freak flag half-staff
I killed your whole staff (funerals make me laugh kekekeke)
Pledge allegiance to me bitch
Take a knee, CLEAN UP ON AISLE SIX
Right right right where the leftover rice iz (shit!)
I got ice cream, let me muthafuckin’ skip, I got you little sis’, don’t even trip, mama ain’t sign that permission slip (you can’t go!)

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my middle finger

Fuck you!

Here Come The Mama With Her Babies

Can I go with you?
My clothes won’t do?
I went up to my room and changed like you told me to
I was singing “skirt skirt” from my favorite song
When I heard “skirt skirt” in real life, your car was gone
No, no, don’t go, I beat on the window
Yeah yeah to mama’s “there there” don’t lie to me like he did, tell me did you know, where you involved? yes or no?

My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 8 hours, tell me do you miss me?
My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 9 months, tell me do you miss me?
My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 18 years, do you even remember me?

Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z

Only big people can go?
But dad I’m not a little person no mo’
Come and see mama had to mark another line on the wall
She say I look like you,
And I act like you,
But why do I need to be big and tall like you when sitting on your shoulders will do?
Like to pretend I’m washing your hair while I’m up there
Making TV static noise, little sister looking like “hey, no fair”

Come on, come on, come on daddy
Come on, come on, come on daddy
Come on, come on, come on daddy
Catch up slow poke we leaving ya
Funny, he’s the one who ended up leaving us

Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z

Stay with me, play with me
I don’t want a new dad
Stay with me, play with me
I miss how we use to dance
Stay with me, play with me
Mama tell me “no” so loud
Stay with me, play with me
Daddy tell me “yes,” his voice way down
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me (stay with me)

I’ll Call Your Name When You Vacuum (WordPressident #14)

Image via @TheSims
I’m blowing text text text in bubbles,
They tell ya failure,
I’m in trouble,
Swimming 6 feet is a struggle,
Hasselhoff hustle hustle,
You say you, you know me
Blue-blue-blue, blue-blue-blue, blue-blue … blue
Mr. Blankman finish my sentence for me
Started with me wanting the boys to wonder, “Is her bikini bottom real?”
Ends with me finding out Bikini Bottom’s real
Hello, hell low
Sharks circling SquarePants is The Shape Of Water, acute
I am fibbing on the triangles and should octagon before they channel me into a mute
Turn it up mama your baby on TV blink at 182
When I go Down Under tell my little sister I went to Australia and when the water changes color tell my little brother I pee’d in the pool
I love you, you and you
And I promise I’ll see you all very soon
Next time you clean your room
I’ll call your name when you vacuüm
Whatever you do, don’t go looking for me in the front or you’ll be the one living in a vacuüm
Boom!
It’s not over until the fat lady sings
“In your Krispy Kreme dreams”
Boom boom room!

FY,

Har+new

Kiss Peace 💋 🕊