Tag Archives: kids

Toys Я Us Tribute (Sims 4 Seasons)


A few things …

  • Besides the upcoming posts I mentioned in (crazy how that ends with the word the post begins with) In Your Krispy Kreme Dreams I have some cool posts (even video) I’m working on about Catfishing and Ciara

  • May 4th was suppose to be the last day I blogged on here seeing as it was my 7th anniversary, and me being a numbers guy I believe 7 is the number of completion, which is why I published 7 times that day. Then out-of-nowhere came Computer Love. Come to think about it I didn’t think this through because just a few days before my blog anniversary I paid another $18 for my domain for the year. Maybe I will continue on here until it comes up for renewal again? I feel like if I devote the same energy and efforts on YouTube as I do on WordPress I would be further in life. The end for me on here is still coming soon mainly because of that. As a minor, I want to for-once-and-for-all cut ties with my blog-stalkers. I do realize once I come up with my channel focus it will be tacky to post certain stuff and plus everything can’t be a video, therefore, I will still have a new blog where I can write my ass off.

  • Passport Bear page is updated (Did you catch the cameo in this post?)

  • See how me and my daughter coordinating?

  • I got Sims 4 Seasons half off.

  • I’m about to watch Molly’s Game. Do I smell a review?

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Monsters Under Bed

FADE IN

INT. SON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

SON: Dad, can you spray monster under bed?

DAD: There’s no space under your bed. We cut the legs off remember?

SON: I’m talking about your bed. 

DAD: What?

SON: Yeah, before you here I hear mama fight someone.

DAD: Who?

SON: I don’t know. I knock on door to protect her. I love her and I was beat that monster up like Spider-Man.

DAD: Did you use the web shooter I bought you?

SON: Mama not let me in. She open door little and said everything ok but her hair messed up. I saw something move under bed. I don’t know.

DAD: Well, son, you don’t have to ever EVER worry about seeing anything move under our bed again ‘cause I’m about to go cut 9 legs off. 

SON: It 4. You don’t know how to count daddy haha.

FADE OUT 

“Kids, I’m Not Carjacking Y’all, Ohh-tay?”

FADE IN

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man is walking away from a store. In the parking lot, he opens the passenger-side door on a car. He sees two kids in the backseat.

MAN

Oh, I’m sorry!

WOMAN

(screaming)

Hey! What are you doing?

MAN

I’m sorry, I thought this was my ….

WOMAN

(screaming)

He’s trying to steal my car with my babies inside!

MAN

What? No! I thought this was …

The woman pulls a gun out of her purse and runs in their direction. The man jumps on the hood of her car to get an overview of the parking lot in search of his ride. He doesn’t see it. When he looks down at the windshield he notices the woman left the keys in the ignition. The woman fires a shot at him. She misses. In a panic and without another choice, he jumps in her car and drives off.

MAN

Kids, kids, I’m not carjacking y’all. I. Am. Not. Carjacking. Y’all. Okay?

CHILD 1

Ohh-tay.

The woman shoots at the rear end of the car.

MAN

[pokes head out window] Your kids are in the car, you asshole!

The man pulls out his cellphone. 

FRIEND

Hello.

MAN

Where the hell are you?

FRIEND

I went across the street to pay my T-Mobile bill. I’m on my way back now.

MAN

I’m not there!

FRIEND

What you mean?

MAN

After you left, a car that looked just like yours pulled up in the parking spot.

FRIEND

That’s crazy!

MAN

I thought it was yours and opened the door. This woman came out the store screaming I was stealing her car.

FRIEND

Where are you now?!

MAN

In her car!!!

FRIEND

Huh?

MAN

She shot at me!

FRIEND

Shit!

MAN

There are kids in the backseat, dude!

Police sirens sound off. 

MAN

She called the cops! Meet me at MLK boulevard, where Selma hospital is. Kids …

CHILD 2

Yaaa?

MAN

I did not carjack y’all.

CHILD 1

Ohh-tay.

The man pulls over. The camera is from his POV now. He puts his hands over his eyes. When he takes his hands off his eyes the scene transitions with him sitting on the curb running his fingers through his hair, thus finishing the motion. A second cop car pulls up, with the woman riding as a passenger. 

WOMAN

Where are my kids, you bastard?

OFFICER

They’re over there with my partner, mam.

WOMAN

Why is he just sitting on the curb and not in the back of y’all car? Arrest him!

OFFICER

We want to see if his story checks out. He said you and his friend have the same car. You got the same parking spot he had when he drove off to another parking lot.

MAN

She shot at me!

WOMAN

You believe that bull?

OFFICER

I’m sure this is a big misunderstanding,  but if your friend doesn’t pull up in a car that is her car’s twin you are going to jail, my friend.

MAN

I’m not lying! I told him to meet me here.

OFFICER

He’s taking an awful long time to. What’s his name?

A dozen people riding bicycles pass by. The one trailing behind the group stops and takes off their helmet. It’s his friend. 

MAN

FRIEND

Sorry, I’m late! You not gone believe what happened when I came back to the parking lot. Some guy saw my ‘for sale’ sign in the window and paid me 3 times what I was asking for. Then hit me with the ‘and one more thing’ and guess what that one more thing was [bounces the front tire]. Isn’t that awesome?

MAN

[looks at the sky] Nooooooo!!!

The scream is heard throughout the city. Distant people turn their heads. Flock of birds fly off. A dog laying down covers its ears. The guy who bought the friend’s car is at a red-light, smiling, listening to music at a low-level and wiping the dust off the dashboard when suddenly all the windows burst.  

FADE TO BLACK

 

 

The Dictionary Kid

FADE IN

INT. GEORGE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

GEORGE

(excitedly)

Damn! The Apparently Kid got 21 million views: 15 from his interview; 3 from the FreshPet commercial; few millions with Ellen. The Exasperating Kid views not too shabby either. These kids had to make hundreds of thousands of dollars from YouTube. Hmmm …

EXT. DIANE’S HOUSE – MORNING

George rings doorbell. Diane opens door.

GEORGE

Diane …

DIANE

(gasps)

George …

Diane folds her arms and changes her facial expression of shock into disgust.

DIANE

So it took Taco Bell 5 years to fix your Burrito with Flaming Hot Fritos?

GEORGE

You know they don’t even sell those no more? Pshh.

DIANE

5 years!

GEORGE

Well it isn’t exactly fast food, you know.

DIANE

Are you … are you trying to make light of this situation? I’m talking about 5 years since I gave birth to your son!

GEORGE

Sweetie, I know. And, I’m sorry. Very, very, sorry. I was scared of being a dad. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I needed to make sense of this.

DIANE

And it took you 5 years to do that, George? You missed his first birthday. You missed seeing him take his first steps. You missed his first day of school. You missed everything!

GEORGE

Unless he’s in there dying right now, no, I haven’t. It’s only been the first 5 years of his life. And I’m standing right here and now to tell you … I want to be there for the rest of his life … and yours!

 DIANE

(speaks with tremble)

George …

GEORGE

Tells me it’s not tough raising a child on your own and I will leave right now.

George turns around and takes a step, giving the impression he’s walking away.

DIANE

George … I need you!

INT. DIANE’S HOUSE – MORNING

George looks around the house and sees a book shelf. He scans the material.

DIANE

Oh, you looking for the family album? It’s right here.

GEORGE

No, I’m looking for the dictionary. Here it is. Hmmm.

George puts index finger in middle of dictionary.

GEORGE

Whatever page it lands on is the word of the day. F’s. F-U-F-U-F-U-Fustigate! Means to … ahh who cares! Where’s my boy?

DIANE

In his room, but George I need to tell you something about our son first.

GEORGE

(talks as he’s leaving room where Diane is, in search for son’s room)

Not now woman! Me and my son got some catching up to do.

CUT SCENE

A montage shows George and Little George spending father and son time together at various events. Music plays. The only dialogue heard is when George uses “fustigate” in the wrong way in a sentence, with comical effect.

INT. DIANE’S HOUSE – EVENING

NEXT DAY …

George takes out camera.

GEORGE

Little Georgie Boy. Guess what? Daddy’s pregnant! *says in a whisper* Nah, I don’t want use that one. *back to normal volume* Little Georgie, did you know when you deleted Grandpa’s picture you killed him? He’s gone bye bye. Aww!

LITTLE GEORGE

GEORGE

Little George, did you know your brother from another mother will one day … grow up?

LITTLE GEORGE

GEORGE

Okayyyy. Little George, I ate all your Halloween candy!

LITTLE GEORGE

GEORGE

Umm … BIRDS ARE DINOSAURS!

LITTLE GEORGE

GEORGE

I’m about to poke your heart!

LITTLE GEORGE

GEORGE

Shit, it’s passed the one minute mark. Dammit, now I can’t go viral. Dammit, Little George! I’ve been saying Fustigate for 24 hours and you still haven’t caught on? The hell is wrong with you?!

George grabs the dictionary and beats son upside the head with it. Diane hears Little George crying and runs to his aid.

DIANE

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

GEORGE

Whooping our son! He got a F in spelling.

DIANE

What?! What are you talking about???

GEORGE

I been saying the word “Fustigate” in sentences with him since I met him. I did it at the wrestling match. The basketball game. The fair. I even whispered it in his ear for an hour last night while he slept. What the hell is wrong with him? Is he an idiot?

DIANE

No, he’s deaf.

There’s awkward silence for about 10 seconds.

GEORGE

Did you know Taco Bell got a new burrito with Fritos? But it’s the plain ones, though. Oh, it’s still good. Trust me. And can you believe the price is one freaking dollar? OH MY GOD! They did it again! Woo, all this talk about food done got me hungry. I’m going to Taco Bell to go get  about 10 of them thangs. Y’all want something back?

FADE OUT

Be A Good Mom Or Someday Your Kids Will Change Their Names, Thus Making Your Tattoo Look Stupid

Image via Twitter
Image via Twitter

If you’re going to get your children names tattooed on you, all 11 of them, be a good mom, or some day ALL of them will change their name, thus making that tattoo that circles around your neck look stupid.

Revenge for ruining their childhood, DaFinest, Contez, Cornbreesha, Daequan, De’mon, Abcd, Anfernee, Amiracle, DeRyan, Lasharitiavuana, and DaLastone all legally changed their names to Brittany, Carl, Anna, Dean, Damon, Allison, Tony, Trista, Ryan, Sharon, and Clair, respectively. They kept their last name, Carter. They all said they did it for payback on their mother but it was second to a bigger paycheck from jobs as they all seek better career opportunities. Ironically, their mother, 46-year-old Laura (no name change) Carter, is suing her kids for that very reason. The mother claims that before when she went on job interviews and employers asked, “What’s that on your neck?” her answer “The names of my 11 kids” made her stand out among other applicants, thus landing her the job. Good ones. However, with city-wide-coverage of the name changes of her children, Ms. Carter said, “Now they just look at me as a bad mother with random names tattooed on me. It’s too hot in California to wear turtlenecks everyday. I’m not Steve Jobs.” Her third oldest, Anna, formerly Cornbreesha, said, “This lady is ridiculous! She gave us these ghetto ass names but her freaking name is LAURA!”

UPDATE: The judge threw Ms. Carter’s lawsuit out, stating it was a waste of the court’s time. When we talked to her about this, she didn’t seem defeated.

FY: How do you feel about the judge’s decision?

Laura: You know what, baby? I’m just gone start over … get these tattoos removed and have me 11 brand-new babies.

FY: Will you also get their names tattooed on you?

Laura: You better sit your ass down somewhere!

FY: Yes mam!

Built on top of:

Parents tattooing their kids names

Parents, are your kids happy with the names you gave them?