Tag Archives: motivation

French Fries at the Bottom of the Bag

Comfort food
I come for you
In a conquered mood
What I’m to do?
Don’t play dumb
Like a plate of crumbs
I know you can say some’ so say some’
The way the cheese hang out the burger makes it look like a tongue
Do I gotta compliment you before you will talk to me? Yum!
Now talk to me
Just when I thought you were gone
And I started to feel all alone I found …

French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
Almost went “Curry for 3” in the trash (un-huh)
French fries at the bottom of the bag (un-huh)
I’ll eat you cold so don’t you feel bad (un-un)

My work I’m doing it, your work I’m doing it
I’m not a boss but, I’m Super Work Bitch
Untuck my shirt my tennis tail becomes a cape
Fuck your clubhouse I got famous on my 15 minute break

Where all my ladies at who spend too much time in the bathroom? Put your brushes and combs in the air. I want you to repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am Queen Weekend

Okay, now where all my fellas at who spend too much time on the computer writing dirty haiku poems? Put your keyboards in the air! Repeat after me, go …

It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (go!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend (don’t stop!)
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend
It’s Friday 5PM
And I am King Weekend

Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground King (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Queen (come on!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family (yeah!)
Get your crown off the ground Royal Family
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground
Get your crown off the ground

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Dance Like You’re In An iPod Commercial

Hello Miss Lovely, paving stones light up when you walk
She don’t say nothing but, baby makes her blue jeans talk
The dirty denims she’s donning tell me they’re in a relationship with white shirt
Is there room for the genuine, the whole club was looking at her
Ghost of Bowie speeding through the dance hall like a rocket
Eight references but you got a thousand songs in your back pocket
You sound like an iPod commercial

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my thumb up

Line your white lines where your shadow is cast, curb role
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Da-da-damn, damn

I don’t know why I made the letter Y as if this cocaine was the chalk
And her skin was the black board, I just wanted the line to end where my tongue was gone be used for more than to talk
What happen to your head? You look like Dave in Back To The Future
I didn’t get high before this, I’m sure, are you sure? I’m sure
All of her features disappeared from her body
And I was overcome with nostalgia for my days in college
You look like an iPod commercial

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my index

Line your white lines where your shadow is cast, curb role
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
And dan-dance like you’re in an iPod commercial
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Dan-dance
Da-da-damn, damn

I wanna issue out a challenge
It’s kind of violent
Don’t look up from your phone until you run into a fucking pole
Slide up and down, swing round and round, nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Nobody’s watching the fishbowl, go
Go, go
They’re so distracted by their new pet bird
Teaching it how to talk with no character in its words (word!)

Fly my freak flag half-staff
I killed your whole staff (funerals make me laugh kekekeke)
Pledge allegiance to me bitch
Take a knee, CLEAN UP ON AISLE SIX
Right right right where the leftover rice iz (shit!)
I got ice cream, let me muthafuckin’ skip, I got you little sis’, don’t even trip, mama ain’t sign that permission slip (you can’t go!)

One more thing
One one one more thing
One more
One one one more thing
Notice I said that with my middle finger

Fuck you!

Here Come The Mama With Her Babies

Can I go with you?
My clothes won’t do?
I went up to my room and changed like you told me to
I was singing “skirt skirt” from my favorite song
When I heard “skirt skirt” in real life, your car was gone
No, no, don’t go, I beat on the window
Yeah yeah to mama’s “there there” don’t lie to me like he did, tell me did you know, where you involved? yes or no?

My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 8 hours, tell me do you miss me?
My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 9 months, tell me do you miss me?
My daddy played a trick on me, my daddy tricked me
It’s been 18 years, do you even remember me?

Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z

Only big people can go?
But dad I’m not a little person no mo’
Come and see mama had to mark another line on the wall
She say I look like you,
And I act like you,
But why do I need to be big and tall like you when sitting on your shoulders will do?
Like to pretend I’m washing your hair while I’m up there
Making TV static noise, little sister looking like “hey, no fair”

Come on, come on, come on daddy
Come on, come on, come on daddy
Come on, come on, come on daddy
Catch up slow poke we leaving ya
Funny, he’s the one who ended up leaving us

Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
Get, get, get, get out the way please
Here come the mama with her babies
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z
1, 2, 3
A, B, C, E, Z

Stay with me, play with me
I don’t want a new dad
Stay with me, play with me
I miss how we use to dance
Stay with me, play with me
Mama tell me “no” so loud
Stay with me, play with me
Daddy tell me “yes,” his voice way down
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me
Play with me
Stay with me (stay with me)

I’ll Call Your Name When You Vacuum (WordPressident #14)

Image via @TheSims
I’m blowing text text text in bubbles,
They tell ya failure,
I’m in trouble,
Swimming 6 feet is a struggle,
Hasselhoff hustle hustle,
You say you, you know me
Blue-blue-blue, blue-blue-blue, blue-blue … blue
Mr. Blankman finish my sentence for me
Started with me wanting the boys to wonder, “Is her bikini bottom real?”
Ends with me finding out Bikini Bottom’s real
Hello, hell low
Sharks circling SquarePants is The Shape Of Water, acute
I am fibbing on the triangles and should octagon before they channel me into a mute
Turn it up mama your baby on TV blink at 182
When I go Down Under tell my little sister I went to Australia and when the water changes color tell my little brother I pee’d in the pool
I love you, you and you
And I promise I’ll see you all very soon
Next time you clean your room
I’ll call your name when you vacuüm
Whatever you do, don’t go looking for me in the front or you’ll be the one living in a vacuüm
Boom!
It’s not over until the fat lady sings
“In your Krispy Kreme dreams”
Boom boom room!

FY,

Har+new

Kiss Peace 💋 🕊

 

Skeletons In My Closet who Took Forever to Get Ready

Broken hangers

Skeletons in my closet who took forever to get ready

About time they finally put on “oh this old thing” they were casket sharp

Let’s give a big hand to The Late Har-old L. Weak, ladies and gentlemen!

Now that goes for the cheer-ren too, let me get a little hand

We meant it when we said trying our Father’s thyme on some cal and deer was gonna have ya moving your seconds hand around like ya wanted to clock somebody

Ya got Sir Wallingford on his hands and knees with Tweety Bird, Twitter Bird, Bryan Williams’ Birdman, Michael Keaton’s Birdman flying around his head

And you on your damn hands and knees for a different reason, begging please, making my flesh crawl

Boy, if you don’t …


I lied down with a dog but I didn’t get up with fleas

I woke up with what I thought was a cold sweat then I realized the company I keep

6-week-old Rottweiler, Pitbull mix I call Darkman after my favorite rapper

Licks my face when I’m sleeping like a Behr to let me know it’s time to paint the town red

Grab my coat for the sure wind

More Benjamins ‘cause X likes to live Royal

Concealed my Ace’s hardware incase I have to make these jokers PPG and get Lowe

Damn if I take any longer to get ready X gonna give it to me and have my place looking like a Shih Tzu

And I’ll only be identified by the teeth of my skeleton key, the canine, on the way out that revolving door is gonna hit you

3 Reasons Why I Didn’t Start Playing The Lottery After My Uncle’s Winnings

I didn’t want to write this. I didn’t want to write this because I don’t want to be responsible for my uncle having 964 new cousins. But I have to write this. I have to write this to flush these annoying thoughts out of head in hopes of this shit sticking to the page. Thoughts like, “If I had that money I would buy this, I would buy that. I would do this, I would do that.” Why the hell am I counting and spending another man’s money?! I only did this probably twice in my life and the thoughts were in passing, but this time it’s been consistent ever since I was told. I know of millionaires and billionaires, but the key words are “know of.” I don’t truly know them. I never met them. I don’t know if they look like their pictures, if they’re shorter in person, if their breath stink. But this hit closer to home. A home I’ve been to countless times. A home I’ve spent the night at. A home I’ve spent holidays at. A home with a backyard I’m scared to go in because of a big ass black dog named Missy. Please, somebody tell me! What is this phenomenon called? Where something impactful (bad or good) happens to a relative and you think it happened to you too, like y’all share the same body, the same mind, the same lifestyle. It’s weird. And people, please take a harder look at your junk mail. I was cleaning up and shredding papers when I came across a check from a settlement payment. I was a Settlement Class Member in a class action lawsuit from the time I was employed at this warehouse. By the time I saw the check it was 3 weeks passed the 150 days I had to cash it. Only $13.07 but I needed that little money to go with some other little money to make some little big money, ya feel me? Sigh. Without further ado …

He deserved it.

He has a history of winning. In the mid 2000’s, he was rewarded $20,000 from a court settlement due to a job-related incident. Weeks after his recent lottery winnings of a half of million, he played again and won thousands. In the 90’s, he won over the heart of a woman who keeps my heart clogged up with lasagna and cheesecake: my aunt. Unfortunately, he also has a history of loss. In the early 2000’s, I lost my cousin, their first child together. 3 years ago, they were displaced after their apartment unit went up in flames.

I don’t believe in it.

The only time I ever used a coin, a key, a fingernail to scratch off a lottery ticket is when this car company sent me some mail that said if I get wam-wam-wam in a row I would win a truck. During this time I was naïve to marketing tactics companies use to get foot traffic in their store, so, of course, I got excited when I got wam-wam-wam in order. Know the first person I call? My favorite aunt. She took me to the dealership and I expected to leave off the lot in separate cars. The only thing I left with I didn’t come with was a sucker. No, seriously, they gave me some candy. I didn’t understand the symbolism behind that then, but as of writing, you better believe I do. Although, buying lottery tickets won’t break the bank it’s something I don’t want making my bank either. This has nothing to do with the horror stories you heard about past lotto winners. I’m an entrepreneur and I feel I have a better chance at selling a million scratch devices. Let me pitch you! What do you think of a newly designed coin used solely for scratching off the UV ink on lottery tickets? Instead of dead presidents and monuments no one really visits, how about on the front of the coin it’s a past lotto winner and on the back of the coin it’s a gas station? Insanely great, right? This will be your lucky coin, your lucky charm! 100 on 4 please!

It’s my way of pretending I never heard the news to begin with.

I’m not asking which convenience store he went to. I’m not asking which numbers he played. I’m not trying to act like I didn’t get mad that time he splashed water on me at the pool. I’m not trying to remind him of all the times he playfully asked me to borrow money when I was a kid. I’m not trying to sit around talking about basketball all day and how much I love LeBron James (I will confess my love for the King to any peasant). I’m not trying to educate my aunt on how dirt is more conspicuous on black cars and offer to wash her new Camaro, annnnnd ask to go for a spin in it. I’m not trying to babysit my cousin (their surviving child). My grandma never came over to my place that day and the first thing she said to me after not talking to me in 2 weeks was not “My favorite son-in-law just won $440,000 playing the lottery.” It’s none of my business! It’s none of my business! It’s none of YOUR business, woman!

Would you start playing the lottery after a family member won a significant amount of money? Why or why not?