Tag Archives: nanowrimo

Rose Petals In The Snow (NSFC-hristmas)

Severed foot in my stocking stuffer
Santa Clause walking with a candy cane
Ol’ Saint Nick down with the swirl
Pull him up by his salt and pepper beard with cookie crumbs in it
“You got a cherry nose because you are what you eat”
Force feed him more deer meat
Now, Dasher! Oh, that made your designer belt pop!
Now, Dancer! Whoa, that made your little round belly shake like a hoe hoe hoe!
Now Prancer and Vixen! Slay slay slay!
On, Comet! Feeling a little out of this world, are we?
On, Cupid! Aww, that’s going straight to the heart!
On, Donner and Blitzen! Santa ain’t real, if I’m lying may God strike me in half
Tik-tok tik-tok
Nothing, because he’s as real as you
Leave the way you came
Oh, Santa’s gained weight and stuck in the chimney
Wait a minute!
Santa’s lost weight ‘cause of the Chronic Wasting Disease and now a chimichanga
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Hell is a fireplace
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna burn (ho!)
Santa’s gonna … haha

Santa got stuck going down the chimney head first
Rayne, dear, I ain’t pulling your leg, but when the reindeer was pulling his leg it only made matters worse
Santa logged in and his hair caught fire
The black-and-blonde-haired-kids were cracking up and called him a ginger, the elf on the shelf replied a …
“That’s not nice” (na-na-na-na)
“That’s not nice” (un-un-un-un)
Run, run, but Santa couldn’t catch his breath and the wind lost to fire
All bent outta shape like a candy-cane about being round and quickly getting tired
He was resting on hay bale in some barn when a cow approached him
“I want to eat 2% of you” Santa roasts him
“I’m not a real Ginger, moolie
“So, you just gone ignore the whi- This, I know, because they have better insults than that, Wendy’s Twitter account schooled me”
“Give up them cookies, punk!” “Who me?!”
“I’m a fucking man, that’s a ‘no forever’ “
“I don’t mean pussy, we don’t go together, I want them chocolate chips, I mean, WE go together
But you may wanna stay away from the other side of the barn, it’s a horse over there who likes to rap about how hung he is
But you didn’t hear that coming from my mouth or my bum, see this?
That’s where the foxes are, you know, those little skanks
Don’t walk in those regions if you ain’t gotta checking account with River Bank
If you broke, no worries, go take some dough from this old couple
But, just know, them pigs don’t like getting up from snorting they snow, and y’all too fat to tussle
You know what, fuck the struggle!
How about this hustle?
Just tell the grands you wanna make some extra Christmas money with your shovel
I’m sure they’ll love you, I’m sure, I’m sure”

Pedaling in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I see rose petals in the snow (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Hopeless romantic hopeful (go-go-go-go-go-go)
Follow your heart, un-huh, follow-follow your heart
The last petal in the snow, un-un-un-un, is loves me not (no-no-no-no-no-no)
Now it’s more red in the snow (more red, more-more-more red)
Bloody Merry Christmas
Or should I say Bloody Mary EXmas? (whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa)

  • Work in Progress: Sidewalks of New York (Part 2)

  • Check the comment section an hour after this post publishes for a big YouTube update (if you care about my journey)

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Sidewalks of New York (Part One) 🗽🚶🏽‍♂️

I’ve been feeling melancholy lately/
I pass a thousand people on the street everyday and yet still feel isolated/
When I politely tell them they should say “excuse me” for knocking me off course/
They say “excuse me” but it’s in a very different tone of voice/
“I’m sorry” vs “you sorry”/
The only person that knows you in this big city is the one who took your wallet

I feel so alone
On the sidewalks of New York
But I feel so at home
On the sidewalks of New York
Don’t need ya taxi ride
On the sidewalks of New York
I need the exercise
On the sidewalks of New York

Resting my forehead against the train’s rattling window/
To keep from falling asleep and missing more than my stop, keys, phone, CC info/
If I wanted to be stripped I would lean over there on that big pole/
Which I’m going to do if you sit close in your trench coat/
Do you see “stupid” written across my forehead?/
“Before you transferred the word to the glass, umm, oh yeah”

I feel so alone
On the sidewalks of New York
But I feel so at home
On the sidewalks of New York
Don’t need ya taxi ride
On the sidewalks of New York
I need the exercise
On the sidewalks of New York

Got my weed from the coffee cart guy/
He wraps it up in your pretty newspaper headlines/
Do my best Stallone impression with food in my mouth/
Give me a hotdog and I can make Talia’s head turn when I Adrian shout/
I like to feed the rats my cheese pizza/
I still ate my bagel after Rachel grabbed the gap between lawyer and paralegal

My me time is all the time
Grand Central, Atlas
My me time is all the time
Delacorte, 42nd
My me time is all the time
Fifth Avenue, Williamsburgh
My me time is all the time
Metronome, Bathman’s Sidewalk burr

That’s cold man …

The late Jim Henson accused of sexual assault by Kermit The Frog: “He put his entire arm up my keester”

When Kermit the Frog presented the Muppet Thought of the Week back in August it was met with mixed reviews, mostly negative, in the Youtube comment section of the video. The quote itself was praised. It was the voice that delivered the message that drew heavy criticism. “Kermit voice sounds like Ernie from Sesame Street,” one displeased commenter wrote. “Kermit’s new voice sounds awful,” another one remarked. When questioned by the paparazzi about the negative feedback, Kermit admits to doing things differently this time around. “That was my real voice. The first video I ever did without an arm up my keester.” The shocking response immediately prompted speculation Kermit the Frog was being fisted on camera by Jim Henson and Steve Whitmire for 62 years. I owe my fame to Henson. I wanted to retire when he suddenly died in 1990. After several weeks of his kids, Brian and Jane, personally asking me to let Steve put his hands up my keester and continue their father’s legacy I obliged. You can’t say no to the kids. At first it felt weird having someone else’s fingers moving all around in my keester, and my voice was off, then too, if you look at the videos in that period. Then I started to get use to it and my voice sounded like how a voice suppose to sound when you have an arm up your keester.”

“Dreams are how we figure out where we want to go. Life is how we get there,” he says in the short clip. “I’m headed this way.”

Kermit the Frog stated the message he delivered on Muppet Thought of the Week using his real voice was not a coincidence at all. “You know, I first met Jim when we were both 12 years old. I left the swamps of Mississippi and was the first frog to talk to a human. It started in his biology class. He was playing around and stuck his finger up my keester and I communicated all his deepest thoughts. Humans scared me, and I was too shy to do it again, but somehow he convinced me with a teacup and a spoon.”

Kermit reveals his decision to finally use his real voice was due to age and understands the initial shock of the change but hopes for positive feedback soon as more videos are released. “I’m not getting any younger. At any moment I can croak. It’s not easy being green.”

Do you think other animals will come out about their owners?

Police Officer gets major surprise after pulling over driver of car with massive Christmas tree tied to its roof

Cops photograph car with massive Christmas tree tied to its roof

Massachusetts – No, it wasn’t Clark Griswold leading Sudbury PD on a Chevy Chase. It was the father of Officer Noble driving tree miles-per-hour in a brand new minivan. “I’m like, dad, did you steal this? This is not our precious Malibu Most Wanted. Where did you get this from? I was stunned, you know.” Officer Noble’s partner, Officer Shambo, insisted a citation be written due to the safety hazard for all drivers. “The tree eclipsed the car. With the way the tree covered the door, if something bad would’ve happen, it would have been difficult for passengers to get out. Her little brother was inside as well. The tree dangled over the windshield causing view obstruction. Other drivers could be distracted by the tree and not pay attention to traffic,” said Officer Shambo. Noble argued against a citation in favor of a verbal warning and helping secure the tree to the roof with caution tape. After a little back and forth between the partners, Noble’s cousin jumped out the Christmas tree with a camcorder yelling “You Got Punked” in reference to the infamous Ashton Kutcher reality show. Noble learned her family and partner staged the whole event to give her Christmas present early, which was under the tree, the 2018 Chrysler Pacifica. “The patrol car was my car. Now I can feel like a soccer mom and not a bad mom having my kids ride in the backseat.”

What do you want for Christmas?

Taco Bell testing out turning hot sauce packets into fortune cookies

Shanghai, China – Yum China Holdings, Inc. (“Yum China,” NYSE: YUMC), and Taco Bell Corp., the world’s largest Mexican-inspired restaurant chain, today announced that they have fine-tuned a Taco Bell favorite for Chinese consumers: putting words of wisdom on the inside of hot sauce packets instead of the outside to remind customers of fortune cookies. Despite the success the brand has had since relaunching (January 2017) its first restaurant in China since 2008, Chief Executive Officer, Micky Pant, still felt like the menu was missing something.

“The menu features Taco Bell favorites that have been adapted to local tastes. We give more of a generous serving of rice in our burritos than Americans receive. We put rice in our taco salads and use soy sauce as dressing, also, including it as a non-alcoholic beverage. Hell, we even brought back the Chihuahua and didn’t cook it, but something still was barking at me,” expressed Pant. “At the time we weren’t selling Mexican fries and I was in the mood for some French fries and Burger King was the closes, being down the street. As I’m driving there I see all these red packets in the road, so many, in fact, I get out my car to clean them from the lane. They were crushed ketchup packets. So, I get there and order. They were so frea-king boring! So frea-king average! How can a place like Burger King get it right when it comes to burgers but so wrong when it comes to fries? They were disgusting! I complained. That’s when it hit me. I took another route back to Taco Bell and was combing through our hot sauce packets and there it was, ‘The road to mediocrity is littered with empty ketchup packets.’ The kind of stuff that tells you the future. Millions of people already collect our packets for the sayings, so all the more reason to tear carefully.”

To help guide customers, Pant stated the new packaging will have a empty white box on the front of the packets, which will be the location of the phrases on the inside.

In the announcement, Pant shared that them making sauce packets into fortune cookies will not hurt Chinese restaurants as much as their entire menu has hurt real Mexican restaurants since 1962. The Yums Brand had nothing but complimentary remarks for Yum’s. “We can never compete with them, okay. While we spend billions to get more than half the US population to see our commercials once a week, they never make them and still serve billions. When was the last time you seen a commercial for a Chinese restaurant?”

Have you ever seen a commercial for your local Chinese restaurant?

Sims 4 – One Room, One Week, One Theme Challenge: A Guest Room for Thanksgiving

Entry Form: 139th Challenge (Sims Forum)

Theme of the week: Guest bedroom for Thanksgiving

Backstory: “Aaron and Elizabeth are young adults and are siblings that live away from home. They each live in different US states. They and their parents are all very excited! It is the USA Thanksgiving time this week and they are coming home to spend time with their parents! Their parents are setting up separate guest bedrooms for them to sleep in whilst at home. Their mother wants to also include a favourite childhood item in the guest bedrooms to remind them of when they were a child. Could you please design a guest bedroom either for Aaron OR for Elizabeth . You can only design one guest bedroom. The room is not normally a guest bedroom, so it can’t be a large bedroom. It is a room that has been converted into a bedroom for the Thanksgiving time. The family would be very appreciative if you could design a guest bedroom for them!”

My Interpretation: After Aaron went off to college in another state, his parents downsized by bulldozing what use to be his bedroom. Upon returning home temporarily for Thanksgiving this year, his parents turned the garage into a makeshift bedroom.

PHOTOS: