Tag Archives: script writing

He Has A Name: Not “Lil’ Red”

Based on actual events

Challis – Call in for pickup.
Yums – Go ahead with your order.
Challis – I want the Steak, Egg, and Cheese footlong. 12 inch. I only want …
Yums – Now do you want the combo?
Challis – Let me finish saying what I want on my sandwich. I want lettuce, mayo, and pickle on it.
Yums – Do you want the combo?
Challis – I want a large seasoned fry.
Yums – Do you want the combo? I need to know if it’s the combo so I know what button to push.
Challis – I never said I wanted the combo. I don’t want a drink.
Yums – Ok. Well, what’s your order?
Challis – What?! I JUST TOLD YOU MY ORDER!
Yums – What was your order?
Challis – I told you a footlong Steak, Egg, Cheese. Lettuce, mayo …
Yums – You want the combo?
Challis – *hangs up phone* Grrr! I’ll just go in.

*Challis walks to Yum’s, which is 3 minutes from his house. Next to Yum’s is a corner store, where out-front stands a dark-skinned guy who appears to be in his late teens or early 20’s. Challis crosses his path*

Dark-skinned guy – *sees target 15 feet away* Aye Lil’ Red.
Challis – *looks left, right, and behind to see are any girls around him*
Dark-skinned guy – Lil’ Red. Aye Lil’ Red.
Challis – *thinks to self* I JUST KNOW THIS FOOL NOT TALKING TO ME. *comes face to face as approaching Yums*
Dark-skinned guy – Aye Lil’ Red. You mind helping me and my brother get something to eat?
Challis – *thinks to self* THIS GAY ASS *expletive* CALLING ME BY MY SKIN-TONE LIKE HE HOLLERING AT A FEMALE. THIS WHAT GIRLS GO THROUGH???
Dark-skinned guy – *sees he’s being ignored and pesters the next person approaching the store* Aye New Jordans …

*Challis walks into Yum’s*

Yums – How may I help you?
Challis – *recognizes the voice from the phone* I want the …

15 minutes later …

*During the time Challis is waiting, via Yum’s big windows, he keeps his eye on the dark-skinned guy in front of the convenience store*

Yums – Your order is ready.
Challis – *thinks to self* About time! If you would have heard me over the phone, I would be in here 30 seconds.
Yums – *smiles* Goodbye.
Challis – *approaches the door and stands there* Let me check my food. *opens lid containing fries* Ok. *unwraps sandwich* WHAT THE FUCK?!
Yums – What’s wrong?
Challis – YOU SEE THIS?!?! GREEN FUCKING MOLD ON MY BREAD!!!!!

*2 customers walk in, overhear “green mold on bread” and turn back around to leave*

Challis – WHAT IF I WAS ONE OF THESE POOR DUPES WHO DON’T CHECK THEIR FOOD UNTIL THEY GET HOME??? HUH??? I LIVE A DAMN HOUR AWAY FROM HERE. I WOULD’VE BEEN PISSED OFF. YOU KNOW WHAT, I BELIEVE YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE. YOU SCREWED WITH ME OVER THE PHONE AND HAD ME COMING IN HERE WAITING FOREVER … TO GET THIS!!!
Yums – Calm down, sir. We will fix you another one free of charge. Here’s your $8.73 back for the sandwich.

10 minutes later …

Yums – Ok. Here’s your sandwich, sir. Again, sorry for that. Please check the sandwich to insure its quality.
Challis – *unwraps sandwich* Hmm.
Yums – Is everything to your satisfaction?
Challis – *ignores and exits* *thinks to self* Although, I got my money back and got a FREE CLEAN sandwich for my troubles, I STILL don’t want it. I’m too pissed to eat. They always do this. Why do I eat here? And now I gotta cross paths with this gay ass *expletive* again. Wait … *checks jacket pocket and pulls out packet of Ricin* This! *unwraps sandwich packaging and sprinkles Ricin on it* *heads back toward corner store*
Dark-skinned guy – Aye Lil’ Red can you …
Challis – I heard you the first time. You want some money to help you and your brother get something to eat, right?
Dark-skinned guy – Yeah.
Challis – Well I don’t have no money on me but I do have this nice delicious Steak, Egg, and Cheese footlong and large seasoned fries. Why don’t y’all share it?
Dark-skinned guy – Ohhhh thanks so much, Lil’ Red.
Challis – *fake smiling* Oh and don’t worry about how it’s wrapped. I had to unwrap it to make sure my order was right. You know how we black people feel about Chinese food.
Dark-skinned guy – Haha. What are you going to eat?
Challis – Some homecooking!

4 days later …

Challis – Look, I know you watching the game right now, but the news is about to come on. I just need to watch the first 10 minutes of it.
Lil’ brother – Again? You never use to watch the news. You been coming in here the last 4 days doing this. What’s with you? You getting old.
Challis – Shut up and give me the remote. *changes channel*
News reporter – BREAKING NEWS TONIGHT: 2 men are dead from Ricin posioning after eating at Yum’s restaurant. Police has brought the whole Yum’s staff in for questioning.
Lil’ brother – Why you smiling?
Challis – Oh … nothing! Hey, what do you say big brother take you somewhere fun today?
Lil’ brother – Really??? Oh man! Ooooh. Let’s go to … oooh nah let’s go to …

FADE TO BLACK

Advertisements

Watching Other People Eat April Fools Prank

*breakroom chatter*

March 29, 2014

Dominic – Hey Gerald, you want one of my chicken tenders?
Gerald – Nah, I’m okay.
Dominic – You sure?
Gerald – Yeah, I’m sure.
Dominic – Come on, man, take 3 of these french fries.
Gerald – It’s too much salt on it. Next time.

March 30, 2014

Debra – Hey Gerald, I got some chips and tuna I haven’t touched yet. Want it?
Gerald – Oooh cheddar cheese … my favorite … uhhh thanks but no thanks.
Debra – Sure?
Gerald – Yeah I’m sure. I’m on a diet.

March 31, 2014

Marie – *slides a yogurt and plastic fork across the table*
Gerald – Aww! I appreciate this. I really do but I don’t want it. I’m okay. Really.
Marie – It’s yours.
Gerald – I appreciate it but I won’t be finish in time. I gotta get back on the floor. *slides the yogurt and fork across table and leaves*
Marie – Come on …

April 1, 2014

Trevor – Now I know everyone is wondering why I gathered you here for this impromptu meeting. So let me get right into it because I don’t know how much longer Kyle can distract Gerald. We got 5 minutes until lunch. Okay, Gerald has worked here for 6 months and no one has ever seen him eat on lunchbreak. He just sits there and watch us.
Some guy in back – Makes me uncomfortable.
Some other guy – I know! It’s awkward as heck! He can at least pretend to be looking at his phone …
Some girl – Or bring a book!
Some other guy – … but he just stares at us eating with no shame!
Trevor – Yes. And I’m sure over the last 6 months everyone in this room has offered to share their food with Gerald at one time or another.
Debra – Nobody turns down Aunt D tuna and lives to tell about it.
Trevor – I have deduced Gerald is addicted to porn … food porn. And he gets off watching other people eat!
Laura – Oh my God!
Trevor – Today is April Fools and we’re going to get him back for using our lip smacking and straw sucking for his sick pleasure.
Tawonda – Have you noticed he don’t get up like everybody else to clock back in for lunch?
Martha – Un-huh I know why he can’t stand up. Un-huh. I know why.
Avery – Now I think about it … that wasn’t a cough. He was moaning.
Laura – Oh my God!
Trevor – I gave Gerald $10 yesterday and told him to use it for his lunch today. He said he was gone get Subway. Now I want everybody to hide their lunch and when he sits down to eat, we all just gone stare at him seductively licking our lips.
Kenny – Haha. This good!
Kyle – *runs in breakroom* Okay, y’all he’s coming. He’s right behind me.
Trevor – POSITIONS!
Gerald – *walks into breakroom* Sup everybody! Look what I got! Haha! Subway! Pepperoni Meatball Marinara and peanut butter cookies. Haha! Sup Debra you brought some more Tuna? Haha. *takes bite out sandwich*
Some girl – *moans*
Gerald – *thinks to self* What the … aww probably a weird cough. *takes another bite*
Some other girl – Yesssss!
Gerald – *thinks to self* Somebody asked her a question? *shrugs shoulder* *takes another bite*
Dude in back – What’s my name, girl?
Gerald – *thinks to self* He forgot his … *looks up from food*
Everybody in breakroom – *staring seductively, licking corners of mouth*
Gerald – Why the fuck everybody looking at me like that? What the hell? Where y’all lunch at??? Bruce, Kelly, Nikki, Robert? Cameron you got drool dripping on the damn table, man.
Trevor – You said you was getting a footlong but you brought in that lil’ ass 6 inch?
Some girl in back – That’s what he said!
Everybody in breakroom – *laughing*
Gerald – *runs out breakroom*

Peerparazzi

Zack – *thinking to self* I cannot believe someone paid $10,000 for a iPhone just because it had the Flappy Bird app on it. This is crazy! *looks ahead* The hell is this fool posing for? Wait a … I know he don’t think I’m taking a pic of him because I’m holding my phone like this? Man, let me put my phone down.

2 minutes later …

Zack – *thinking to self* Damn, I’m getting snot on my screen. I need some tissue. Let me hold my phone back up.

30 seconds later …

Zack – *thinking to self* Haha. Janelle Monae just tweeted ‘Do It Far Da Vine.’ Haha. I love her! *looks ahead* Why the f**k this dude dancing for? He really think I’m recording him or something. *shakes head*

1 minute later …

Zack – *thinking to self* Oh my God! They coming out with bacon-flavored toothpaste?!?! Now I don’t have to gag when I brush my teeth. My prayers have been answered. Thank you, Jesus! *looks ahead* What the hell he doing??? Now I know this fool not trying to take a pic of me. What he doing with his phone? *moving head side to side, ducking down* This fool got me doing the Chris Tucker head dance. Aww, okay. You wanna play with me? I’ma get you. Your stop is my stop!

35 minutes later …

Zack – Aye partner!
Fool – *turns around*
Zack – *pushes him down to the ground*
Fool – What are you doing?
Zack – The hell you taking pictures of me on the bus for?
Fool – You was taking pics of me.
Zack – What?! I don’t even know you. Why the f**k would I be taking pics of another dude for? I’m not gay.
Fool – Why was you holding your phone like that?
Zack – I was reading!!! N***a gimme your phone.
Fool – Please don’t hurt me! Please, mister!
Zack – *goes through phone, checks photo gallery* Where the pics you took of me??? I don’t see ’em.
Fool – I never took none. I was pretending to.
Zack – Say what?!
Fool – Hey, I’m not gay either!
Zack – What?! You … you made me get off the bus for nothing? I miss my damn stop. Got me in unknown territory and s**t. Aww hell nah!
Fool – I’m sorry. I really am.
Zack – Get your ass up.
Fool – What’s this? Why are you giving me your phone for?
Zack – Because if you don’t want me to beat your ass you gone take some pictures of me. I didn’t miss my stop for nothing. *poses*

The One That Got Away (Lost Love)

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Vicki – This is Harold.

Harold – *extends hand* Hey, I’m Harold. *thinks to self* Wow … she is so pretty!

Her – *shakes hand* Hey.

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she didn’t tell me her name?

30 minutes later …

Her – How long you been here?

Harold – Since October. Were you a part of the group Denise was training?

Her –  Yeah. You know when this is ending?

Harold – They said December 23rd.

Her – What’s that like 3 paychecks for me? *smirks*

Harold – *smirks*

Her – I can’t wait ‘till school starts back.

Harold – You mean the spring semester? When does it start back? January 15th?

Her – Yeah.

Harold – *thinks to self* I love how wavy her hair is.

Hour later …

Harold – What are you going to school for?

Her – To be an Obstetrician. I want to deliver babies.

Harold – *thinks to self* Yeah but whose gonna deliver ours.

Hour later …

Harold – How long have you been wanting to deliver babies?

Her – It takes 12 years to be one. I only been in school for a year and a half.

Harold – Nah, I meant how long have you had the passion to do it?

Her – Since I was 5. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor or obstetrician. I just didn’t know which one.

Harold – Have you delivered one yet?

Her – No.

Harold – *thinks to self* I don’t usually like girls in the medical field but DAMN I like her! Man!

30 minutes later …

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she not asking me questions back? She must not be interested? I don’t like her no more!

15 minutes later …

Her – Can you help me with this?

Vicki – You gotta ask him, baby.

Harold – *thinks to self* That was rude, Vicki. I believe she’s jealous because I’m running my mouth now. But why she didn’t ask me in the first place?! Ugh! I’m not helping her! I don’t like her no more!

Her – Can you? *smiles*

Harold – Yeahhhhh. *thinks to self* Okayyyyy I’m a sucka. I like her again!

15 minutes later …

Harold – *secretly staring at her*

Her – *becoming frustrated* Throws me the blanket.

Harold – *laughing*

2 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* I cannot figure her out! Is she just shy and quiet like me? Is that why she’s not talking? I don’t talk to nobody here but I wanna talk to her! Can’t she tell I’m trying to get to know her? But I’m not gone keep asking her questions if she’s just giving answers. You know what, I don’t like her no more!

Her – *walks away from the table*

Harold – *thinks to self* Woo! I like her again!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Harold – I hope she comes back to my table today.

5 minutes later …

Some girl – *sits her stuff on table*

Harold – *thinks to self* Who the hell is this???? Where is my girl?! Oooh there she go! Damn, she walked in a minute too late. Let me wave! Damn, did she see me? She didn’t wave back. Ugh! I don’t like her no more! I’m glad she not at my table!

2 hours later …

Harold – *walking pass her table to get to the break room*

Her – Hey! What time do we go on break?

Harold – Well, my cell go to break now, at 7:45. *stops to get water*

Her – *walks ahead*

Harold – *thinks to self* Why she stop walking? Oh my God! She’s waiting on me! Giggity!

Her – *pulls out her phone* When does this end?

Harold – They said the 23rd.

Her – But it can’t because we don’t work that day.

Harold – Check your calendar on your phone.

Her – That’s what I’m doing.

Harold – *thinking to self* I’m walking with my baby! We moving at the same pace too haha. Maybe I should go to the same break room she is going in? Nah. I need to keep my distance for now. I’m just gone keep walking to the 3rd break room.

3 hours later …

Harold – *walks to her table* It’s lunch time! *thinking to self* Should I sit with her now? Nah. Distance!

Hour later …

Harold – Where is this girl??? She suppose to been back 15 minutes ago. She gone get in trouble! There she go!

Her – *walks to my cell* What time was we suppose to been back?

Harold – Girl, where have you been? I almost came to the break room and snatched you up.

Her – *laughs*

30 minutes later …

Her – *walks to my cell* That lady keep looking at me!

Harold – Who?

Her – *pointing at the lady with her eye direction* The lady with the curly hair. I don’t have no work.

Harold – Just act like you doing something. You want me to bring you some work over there?

Her – Yeah.

Harold – *walks to another table* Hey, do you mind if I get 2 of your totes?

Some lady – Okay.

Harold – *walks to HER table* Here you go! Just work real slow.

Her – Thank you.

Harold – *looking back, staring at her*

25 minutes later …

Harold – *mouths* You need some work?

Her – *mouths* She gone give me some. *walks to my cell* What’s that lady name?

Harold – Denise?

Her – Yeah. She gone bring me some.

30 minutes later …

Her – *walks to my cell*

Harold – She still didn’t bring you none?

Her – Nah.

Harold – You want some of mines?

Her -I’m leaving at 4:30 so it don’t matter.

15 minutes later …

Harold – *looking back, staring at her tapping her pen on table*

3:57pm

Harold – *looks up and sees her with her jacket in her hand* *thinks to self* She didn’t even tell me bye! I don’t like her no more!

20 minutes later …

Lead – Hey young man! Do you know the girl’s name that was at this table?

Harold – No. I think it starts with a K or J. She had to leave at 4. *thinking to self* If I did know it, I wouldn’t tell you no way. Why she asking me this? My back is turnt to the table she was at. Why she didn’t ask the people that was at the table with her? She must saw us talking. I guess being quiet stands out sometimes. I hope she not in trouble!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Harold – *thinks to self* Okayyyyy it’s 6:30. She must be running late!

4 hours later …

Harold – Damn! I believe she got fired.

Friday, December 13, 2013
Harold – Hey, were you a part of the group Denise was training?

Some guy – Yeah.

Harold – What happen to all the people that was with you? What happen to the short …

Some guy – You talking about the girl you was talking to?

Harold – Umm … yeah. *thinking to self* Damn! He seen me too! Was we THAT obvious?

Some guy – Yeah, that’s Tisha! She quit. I  texted her yesterday and asked her where she was at. She said she couldn’t take it!

Harold – I know she had to leave at 4 Wednesday.

Some guy – Yeah, she had a test to take.

Harold – You know what school she go to?

Some guy – Yeah, Northwest.

Harold – Northwest? You mean Southwest?

Some guy – *laughs* Yeah, my bad.

Harold – Thanks! *walks in solitude* *thinks to self* Okay, 4 things! Her name is Tisha. She didn’t get fired. She go to school by my house. And THIS guy has her number! Ugh! Now I gotta be his friend!

2 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* This is all my fault! Why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m not a go-getter. Why every time I want something I let it slip through my fucking finger tips! Why do I keep waiting? Knowing our time is limited here. I was gone ask for her number on the last day. I should’ve got it when she had her phone out. Why do I keep waiting? *tears up* I can’t believe I’m actually about to cry over this. I barely knew her! I’m not crying over her. I’m crying because I don’t act when I need to. I keep choking and blowing chances to get what I want when it’s right fucking there. I think too much. This not about girls but about everything. I actually liked her more than Anna! I hope I can see her again. Hopefully, I attract her with my mind. Dammit! It was only 2 weeks left. She couldn’t take that??? She’s a damn quitter! I can’t take it either but I’m persevering. Why didn’t I see this coming??? She was giving me signs. After that lead ask me did I know her I just figured they was gone fire her. I was gone speed up my seduction and get her number today instead of on the last day. Now I may never see her again! What’s the chances of bumping into her at a school I don’t go to no more? She was so perfect for me! WHY DIDN’T I GET HER NUMBER WHEN SHE HAD HER DAMN PHONE OUT?!?! I don’t deserve her number if I’m gone be shy about what I want in life. Why the fuck am I crying? I lost my motivation to be here! Fuck the money! I need to go to the restroom.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Harold – *thinks to self* You know what, soon as I see this dude, I’m gone ask him for her number. Fuck it! I gotta get my girl!

3 hours later …

Harold – *thinks to self* Where the hell is he? He’s usually right there. I wonder is he in another cell. Let me ask Denise.

Denise – Hey Harold.

Harold – Denise, where is the guy that was at that table yesterday?

Denise – He quit!