Tag Archives: Top Stories

Little Boy Starts House Fire Rubbing Doritos Together

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I put my Takis in the freezer

“I should have never read that stupid article,” said Ava McKenzie, as she was crying to news reporters watching firefighters spray water on her $75,000 Texas home that went up in flames because she encouraged her toddler son, Dillion McKenzie, to play with his food after reading it may help him learn.

This past December, mother McKenzie received an email alerting her of a new post from a parenting site she’s subscribed to. “I want a smart baby. So, I’m always looking for ways to impress on play dates. I saw this post about how Dillion is actually learning when he throws spaghetti sauce on the walls. I immediately ransacked the kitchen.” Mckenzie, who hasn’t gone grocery shopping in weeks was disappointed to only find junk in the ‘frig and cabinets. “We had nothing but chips and candy. So, I just gave him a couple of bags of Cool Ranch Doritos to play with.” McKenzie said she then got distracted by a phone call that made her take her eyes off Dillion for a “few” minutes. “Next thing I know I hear my baby screaming and I rushed back to the kitchen and see fire.” McKenzie managed to grab Dillion before he suffered any severe burns and tried to put out what started as a “modest” fire but flames spreaded to the other Doritos so rapidly it grew beyond control and she hightailed it out of there with a crying Dillion in her arms. From across the street, they watched in horror as their family home melted away.

Doritos and similar chips are cooked in vegetable oil and made mostly of Hydrocarbons and fat, which are both highly flammable.

The single mother of 1 blames two parties for her predicament: the reseachers at University of Iowa and Doritos.

“When it’s time for my baby to go to college, he can go to whatever school in the world he wants to go to … long as its not the University of Iowa or in the state of Iowa,” said McKenzie.

Pressured by consumers on social media that they should do something and the fact they have rewarded those in the past, Doritos issued McKenzie and family a special card that entitles her to a lifetime supply of BAKED Doritos. “What the hell me and my son suppose to do with this s**t?! Build a house of chips?! We need a muthaf**king place to stay!”

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• A Tweet

Should the college and Doritos do something for them?

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Lil’ Kim Plastic Surgeon Wants To Deliver Baby

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Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images

Grammy-award winning rapper Lil’ Kim modeled a baby bump in her sparkly skin-tight dress during Mac Cosmetics and The Blonds Fashion Week after-party in New York City on February 12th.

“I’m so excited! I’m a few months along. I can’t wait to be a mom!” Lil’ Kim told US Weekly.

The congratulatory messages have been pouring in from celeb friends. Singer Tamar Braxton, who welcomed her first child, son Logan Herbert, tweeted, “Awwwww congrats @LilKim on your little one.”

Lil’ Kim’s best friend of 20 years, Jennifer Dalton (Real Housewives Of New Jersey), has been helping her with veggie pizza cravings, collect ideas for a “sick nursery,” and fluffing pillows to help her sleep comfortably. “All you see is Lil’ Kim in the fetal position with pillows everywhere. It’s very cute!”

Mr. Papers, the self-proclaimed baby-daddy revealed the gender of the baby to be a boy, something the 38 year old “Lighters Up” rapper wanted to save for a reality show in the works with VH1. “He gon’ be a gemini though, but I don’t wanna give you all the information, ya heard? He gon’ be a gemini.”

But the surprising helping hand that has everyone buzzing is from Dr. Garo Kassabian of Lift MD Aesthetics Beverly Hills, Lil’ Kim’s plastic surgeon for over an decade. The celebrity doctor said he wants to help deliver the baby. When asked why, he had the following to say:

I don’t want to actually deliver the baby. That’s not my practice. I just need to be there to calm her down when she sees the baby looks absolutely nothing like her. I don’t want her to drop the baby on its head screaming for a maternity test. My presence is just a friendly reminder of different face after different face after different face. You remember when she criticized Naturi Naughton for being too ‘dark-skin’ to portray her in the Biggie movie? Well what kind of whining you think she gone do when she sees the REAL Lil’ Kim again? She gone be crying louder than that baby!

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•Vlad TV comment

Do you think he is the right choice to deliver the baby?

Man Dives Head First In An Empty Pool

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A Phoenix man falls to his death after diving head first in a pool without water. Here’s the account of the story by his friend, who was going to dive in second:

There was water in the pool, okay. We tested the water. He dipped his feet in it; I put my hand in it and splashed some water on him. So, there was definitely water in the pool when we was on the ground. Kyle even remarked how clean the water was. He said, ‘Man, this pool so clean it looks like there’s no water in it.’ The diving board was like 30 feet in the air. It took us what seemed like 10 minutes to climb the ladder to the top. When we’re there, we start playfully going back and forth about who’s going first. ‘No, you are! No, you are!’ Stuff like that. It could have very well been him telling you this story. Then we look down, notice people getting out of the pool. Finally, Kyle calls me a chicken and says he’s going to be the brave one. He dived in head first, arms out in front. He obviously had to have his eyes closed the entire time because you would think as you’re getting close to the pool you would notice it wasn’t water in it and contorted your body midair. Then … I just hear this explosion, which must have been his head, red stuff flowing, his body just laying still *cries*. I scream out at him, ‘KYLE! KYLE! KYLE!’ He didn’t move! I start shaking, getting dizzy, knees buckling and almost fall off the diving board myself in panic. Then I struggled to climb down, losing my grip on the ladder, thoughts racing. I kept telling myself, ‘THAT didnt happen! THAT did NOT happen!’ We was just down there together playing in the water. Finally … I get down there … *sigh*. Last thing I remember was screaming and fainting at what I saw. He didn’t have a head! I died too for an hour. When we saw those people getting out of the pool earlier that’s because some pool boys told them to get out because they were about to let out the water so they can clean the pool. Clean the pool?!?! That pool was clean as shit! Not one of those people told them pool boys we was on the diving board. Not one! I know they saw us when we passed the pool. What has this world come to?

Kyle’s friend, Anthony, and Kyle’s family are pressing charges of reckless endangerment and homicide against everyone: the Phoenix pool community, the 2 pool boys, and the 15 people that was in the pool at the time, which includes 8 children.

One of the people in the pool, Josh Bardem, a school teacher, has insinuated a new theory. Said he, “If 1 or 2 of us got out the pool, fine, but ALL 15 people got out the pool simultaneously. That didn’t seem odd to you? You didn’t start to get suspicious? Maybe he did … and maybe his friend did too. I think we should investigate just how well those 2 ‘best friends,’ those ‘great pals’ were getting along … if there is such a thing.”

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An Aye Verb tweet

Was this murder (on who?) or a honest mistake?

Rangers Employ Tasers On Cheney For Death Of Idaho Sheep

Jackson Hole – Grand Teton park rangers used tasers while subduing U.S. Senate candidate Elizabeth Lynne Cheney after a cheneysbizarre sheep stampede last week.

Cheney, 47, was tased Aug. 15 by rangers after allegedly saying that she would climb the Grand Teton “on my own” and spend a night in Cascade Canyon without a backcountry permit.

When rangers found Cheney they began talking to her. She grew “abnormally upset and confrontational” and claimed to have bombs set to explode in the morning. Rangers found no explosives.

Cheney ventured into a 2,400-head sheep herd when about 165 sheep from the Siddoway Sheep Company of St. Anthony, Idaho were killed, trampled and smothered.

After running downhill in a panic Cheney was tased by rangers and charged with resisting arrest.

Cheney had a history of mental illness, her father told rangers.

She pled not guilty Tuesday after taking a fighting stance saying, “The extreme loss of sheep last weekend is necessary.”

In the weeks leading to the sheep pileup, Cheney announced she would challenge Sen. Mike Enzi in the 2014 Republican primary. The U.S. senate candidate faces a $10,000 fine and up to a year in jail and two years probation, during which she would be banned from the park.

sheep pileupCheney made a statement Wednesday, which follows.

“On August 15, 2013, I spent the day in the Grand Tetons with a group of 13 wolves from the Pine Creek Pack. They’ve had a huge amount of problems over the years. I had arranged for Sean Hannity to film the wolves, which occasionally venture into western Wyoming in the area of Teton Pass. The Siddoway Sheep Company should not be grazing in such a predator-dense area. The problem is not the wolves, but subsidized domestic sheep grazing. The extreme loss of sheep last weekend is necessary. I hope that we can manage the sheep population in the future. I would like to praise the professionalism and dedication of the Grand Teton park rangers and the security officers at Jackson Lake Lodge.”

All Fast Food Employees Don’t Post Pictures Online Of What They Do To Your Food … But They Did!

Taco Bell fired this California employee after he was photographed licking a stack of taco shells.

Via Taco Bell's Facebook page
Via Taco Bell’s Facebook page

Wendy’s fired him for chugging ice cream from the Frosty machine.

Via Imgur
Via Imgur

Subway fired Ian Jett for rubbing his penis on sandwich bread and freezing his urine at work.

Via Instagram
Via Instagram

Burger King fired “Idiot King” for lying on a mountain of hamburger buns.

Via @inotayuta (Twitter)
Via @inotayuta (Twitter)

Now, these 4 are teaming up to launch their own … restaurant. “Because of the part on applications that ask for your previous employer and why you left, neither of us have been able to find work since,” said, former Subway employee, Ian Jett. “3 of us was fired for having fun with food that was never intended to be served to customers. Mines was done at home. I’d never do that at work. And, he was making practice tacos.” “Yeah, the only reason I licked them was because they were the Cool Ranch shells,” said, the former Taco Bell employee. “The reason why they’re stacked like that in the photo was because I was on my way to the garbage.” “Me too! We was throwing all our expired buns on the floor! I love SpongeBob! The episode Squidward got locked in a room in the Krusty Krab with a whole brunch of krabby patties looked so fun. I just wanted to sleep on this burger mountain, said, ex-Burger King employee, “Bakka King.” “As Ian said, ‘3 of us.’ Now, my situation is a little different,” said the former ice-cream-eating Wendy’s employee. No, we was not seconds away from throwing our Frosty machine away when I did that. My mouth wasn’t touching anything so I don’t see what the big deal was. I can see if my mouth was touching anything silver. I mean, what’s the difference between my mouth and an ice cream cone? My mouth had the same distance from the faucet as a cone. It’s not like anyone got any ice cream that day. Because of what I did, the manger told us to just tell people who wanted ice cream that the machine was broken.”

When Ian “The Sandwich Artist” Jett saw “Bakka King” viral photo, he said that’s when the idea hit him and he reached out to the other 3 via Twitter and Facebook. “Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Subway, and BK don’t have to worry about each other no more. We’re their new problem and about to compete and drive them out of business. We’re calling our restaurant Four Foods because that’s what we’re famous for: Burgers, tacos, subways, and ice cream for dessert. And because we know people will be hesitant to eat at our restaurant because of the photos, we thought of a cool way to calm them. Customers will have to bring their own taco shells, hamburger buns, subway bread, ice cream machines, and we’ll supply the rest. And if that’s not cool enough, we will only be open an hour a day, which means things will be moving so quickly we won’t even have time to pre-rub an item.”

UPDATE: Robert Wilson Jr. who works at a McDonald’s in downtown Chicago has sent a statement after reading about this news:

If they make it to see an opening day, I, as well as others, will stage a strike in front of their store like we recently did with their former employers. Why? Because scumbags like them are the reason we’re not getting paid $15 an hour.

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Do you buy groceries or eat out more? Why?

Daredevil Pilots Jet Pack From Wisconsin To China And Hijacks Their Cake Delivering Flying Saucer

Photo Credit: Stomp
Photo Credit: Stomp

OSHKOSH, Wisconsin — In 2002, an inflatable wing carried him over the 12 kilometres separating the Swiss and French banks of Lake Geneva. In 2008, he became the first man to fly with a jet-powered wing across the Swiss Alps. That same year, he also became the first man to fly across the English Channel from Calais, France to Dover, UK, using a homemade, single, jet-powered wing. In 2009, he attempted to become the first man to make an intercontinental crossing – from Morocco in Africa to southern Spain – by jet-wing. He flew over the Grand Canyon in a private exhibition back in 2011. Last year, he circled around Brazil’s Christ The Redeemer statue. This past Tuesday, in his first public US flight, he flew in formation alongside the Boeing B-17, the famous World War II “Flying Fortress.”

Now, 54-year-old, Yves “Jetman” Rossy, has done something NO ONE saw coming. Especially China! The previously unidentified flying object that has been seen flying over the Shanghai’s Huangpu River in recent days that was revealed to be a remote-controlled plane being used by a local bakery to deliver cakes to customers was hijacked by Rossy. Fortunately, no one was hurt when the 3-and-a-half-foot-long, 22-pound flying vehicle came crashing to the ground.  With nowhere in the sky to hide, police helicopters apprehended Rossy back in his hometown of Switzerland. Said police aviator Kenneth Hull, “Down here, you have buildings you can hide in, boats, dumpsters, cars, just all kinds of construction. In the sky, it’s clear, where can you go? Idiot tried hiding behind a cloud.”

UPDATE: The Switzerland Police Department has just released Yves Rossy. Here’s their statement:

Mr. Rossy confessed the cake he took from the plane was, in fact, yellow cake. When we retraced and covered the grounds from China To Switzerland of his flight, we discovered he did not drop that ****

Initially outraged over Rossy’s release and prepared to sue, the local bakery and China conducted their own investigation consisting of also covering the grounds of Rossy’s flight from there to Switzerland and came to the same conclusion: “He did not drop that **** ”

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What was the last thing you dropped?

Be A Good Mom Or Someday Your Kids Will Change Their Names, Thus Making Your Tattoo Look Stupid

Image via Twitter
Image via Twitter

If you’re going to get your children names tattooed on you, all 11 of them, be a good mom, or some day ALL of them will change their name, thus making that tattoo that circles around your neck look stupid.

Revenge for ruining their childhood, DaFinest, Contez, Cornbreesha, Daequan, De’mon, Abcd, Anfernee, Amiracle, DeRyan, Lasharitiavuana, and DaLastone all legally changed their names to Brittany, Carl, Anna, Dean, Damon, Allison, Tony, Trista, Ryan, Sharon, and Clair, respectively. They kept their last name, Carter. They all said they did it for payback on their mother but it was second to a bigger paycheck from jobs as they all seek better career opportunities. Ironically, their mother, 46-year-old Laura (no name change) Carter, is suing her kids for that very reason. The mother claims that before when she went on job interviews and employers asked, “What’s that on your neck?” her answer “The names of my 11 kids” made her stand out among other applicants, thus landing her the job. Good ones. However, with city-wide-coverage of the name changes of her children, Ms. Carter said, “Now they just look at me as a bad mother with random names tattooed on me. It’s too hot in California to wear turtlenecks everyday. I’m not Steve Jobs.” Her third oldest, Anna, formerly Cornbreesha, said, “This lady is ridiculous! She gave us these ghetto ass names but her freaking name is LAURA!”

UPDATE: The judge threw Ms. Carter’s lawsuit out, stating it was a waste of the court’s time. When we talked to her about this, she didn’t seem defeated.

FY: How do you feel about the judge’s decision?

Laura: You know what, baby? I’m just gone start over … get these tattoos removed and have me 11 brand-new babies.

FY: Will you also get their names tattooed on you?

Laura: You better sit your ass down somewhere!

FY: Yes mam!

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Parents tattooing their kids names

Parents, are your kids happy with the names you gave them?