This post is dedicated to Princess Lex. Please give her a belated birthday shoutout. 👑👑
If you could replace any day of the year with the second occurrence of another particular day, what would it be?
My birthday with Valentines.
And we allllllllll know how much my “single ready to be Christian mingle” ass really wanna turn it into Violent Times by shooting an arrow into someone’s chocolatey heart on that day.
If I catch another couple holding hands in public I’m going to walk between them and break them up. Then when they look back at me in utter disbelief as I’m walking away, I will have “kiss my ass” on the buttocks of my pants. And I hope they follow instructions so someone who hates PDA as much as I do, say, “Get a room.” We can have a threesome in it. I like to role-play, so I hope y’all don’t mind me dressing up like a killer teddy bear. Cewl?
“If you hate Valentines that much, on your birthday, you must be sitting on pins and needles when a mother is looking around trying to figure out how her child’s balloon popped?” Although, I’ve been rocking back and forth in my chair all day I haven’t been a pain in the ass today. Really.
Yes, today is my birthday.
It’s 11:11. 49 minutes left. I was hoping this was the TV troupe where all the characters pretended to forget the protagonist’s birthday then surprise him with a party later in the show. Well, it’s late in the show. We’re out of those annoying community college commercials. No one has called. The only time my phone ringed today was when I was trying to decide what ringtone to give Krisaela, a girl I met today. If she doesn’t call by midnight she can forget about having this Night Owl ringtone at all.
I haven’t had a good birthday since 2008 when I flew to California. Even that turned out bad cuz. Every year after has been me sitting on my ass. Me not doing for me or we not doing for me.
I don’t have much time left, but today I’m going to break the cycle.
I’m going to bake myself a cake.
Yuck! This isn’t beautiful, and this sure isn’t velvet.
The author smashes his head into the cake.
I wish, I wish …
To be continued …