Tag Archives: writing

Hush Puppies (WordPresident #19)

Warning: Only people with high iq and big pp will understand the following dankness:

I call ‘em defeated

My dogs are barking in these hush puppies

Dr. Scholl sho’ can talk to animals, said this little piggy didn’t go “wee-wee” when the tears piss bolted to the booties you’re in, the boar cried woof

Foot counting sheep, I’m sleep-walking catching Z’s

The cousin of six-feet-deep easy as A-B-C-1-2-3, when in one position long enough

That’s why the cousin of life is relocation

Even if it’s the same job, least it come with different faces

My boss don’t care if I can barely move

I want a boss that’ll send me home without a box

Now I’m on a busty bus keeping abreast of bottoms up – when they no longer sitting abreast I’m flying like a Great Tit but aww shucks I don’t have strong feet like ‘em and gotta use the poles for support

Then I heard “I’m seeing how you gotta use your hands son. Why don’t you take a seat right over there?” I wanted to bounce these checks

The 13’s, legs open, tongue out, ca-ream, but running back in these kicks isn’t a chief asset

And so the seat got taken from me like a game of musical chairs

I was listening to the 3rd song on Good Girl Gone Bad

I guess they was between “Something In The Way” and “Endless, Nameless”

Uhhh nevermind this is my stop

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24 25th Hours (WordPresident #18)

Caution: This is a very slow read.

I unbuttoned my shirt and showed her my taco meat

She unzipped her pants and showed me her taco meat

We both came outta our shell

The sloppy toppings: the sour cream shredded the cheese but let us get use to two’s day

Because we been use to the prefix of the day before, single and alone

And you know what was just making me borderline insane? The fuckin’ day had 24 25th hours

He who wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth lives with a plastic fork in his BFGoodrich

I’m tired of faking like I’m best friends with Benjamin Franklin

When I’m too sick to shake a doctor’s hand, not smart enough to know I’m not equal to a polymath

She told me to name my Ford after her, Alexis

Reached in her Wranglers and gave me $700 in all 20’s for some Goodyears

Became my Alexa on the road to success

Now I just don’t get from A to B

I get from A to Z

That shredded cheese is now cheesecake

How fitting for Juniors first birthday

My lil’ boo-boo gone love the bandaids on Mr. Popular

My big booboo sat on the John longer tonight, determined to have more kids to drop off at the pool

Me, I just wanna break the cycle and take the first R outta ‘farther’ (and put it in Ms.)

Too bad they sound alike, that’s why I like using ‘further’ so it’s no longer confusion this is referring to U

Family all over the same lava floor, under the same popcorn ceiling, talking about flipping houses so we can get hot sauce on our Orville Redenbacher

Shhhh … the previews are starting

Tomorrow should be a big day for my YouTube channel

You Ain’t So Tough (WordPressident #15)

You ain’t so tough
Without your boys
You ain’t said much
What’s all that noise?
I ain’t me when I’m hungry (stop snickering)
And you ain’t you when you’re with your homies
Played the dozens when you had strength in numbers
But when them eggheads was eight miles yonder
You lost control over the 1’s and 2’s when son asked you, “what you say about my mama?”
What ya say, what ya say? Un-huh, “un-un”
Went from a, my mum blew to a mumble
What happen to the W when you had double you’s? I wonder
The man in the mirror moonwalked without a stumble
The glass shattered into a puzzle
The chrome won’t give the explorer an edge over the firefox in the safari, come to
You draw a blank and hundreds of tabs puncture with punctuation
Ay, Caramba! I could rumble, punch your face in, launch your space men
Keyboard warriors with 3, 4 multiple guess why they call it account
Guess why they call it amount
I let you kids throw rocks at my truck
Don’t stop and just truck
‘Cause if I did not y’all are fucked
Won’t have a chance
It’s all downhill for you but an uphill battle for me defending this Avalanche
Like that ain’t what happen man!
I won’t ever rest, or nap again
“Say that again!”
You kittens gotta be kidding spitting how a Siberian tiger should be kicking his writtens
Hissing “It should’ve been the Sierra Altitude Edition …
because of the, you know,” mannnn listen
Pulled you aside when you got beside
Yourself, Team I
Got ya one on one, one by one where you reside
But it really be like …
One bye, two bye, three bye
These guys were seaside
To make it look like a shark attack
Their jaws were at where Jaws was at
Bruce, they called him that before I fed him arms and legs and all of that
But now it’s Bruce Bruce, small and fat
Baby Shark gone have to doo doo doo doo
all the crap on SpongeBob and Pat or breathing how large a task when singing the song in baths?
Don’t you splash free water on my rug, that’s Persian purchased with Paul Manafort money
Something you can’t afford dummy
Man avoid junkies
Pimp hand escort honeys
To the therapist for her neck massage
“Long day at the desk, corsage”
Daisy allergic to lilies
Perfectly silly
L’Oreal, Maybelline, oh what a find!
Rihanna got her own line
Foundations ain’t basic take your time
I wish you could make up your damn mind
Maybe MAC can come out with a MacBook
And you care less about your apple bottom getting fast looks
From men who gave another woman their last, Cooke
Is yours but peep, how the irony unfolds the crease
Wife found the way to your heart, not on the roads or streets
Here comes the airplane through your stomach, with more on the stove to eat
Gross indeed to think about eating groceries with a PINK label
Think stable that’s a mistake bul
Gets a no from me
Your wife is the real rare one … if you sold on Queens, hold and squeeze, and don’t let go for green, go on green … vroommmmm

YouTube update in the comments.

Please Leave Me Alone

Suicidal thoughts
Do they always talk?
Do they ever listen?
Can I be happy for 5 minutes?
Please leave me alone
Go bother someone else, no, don’t
Because it makes my heart shatter
To read about McKenzie Adams
Are you mad this poem I wrote
Before your little suicide note
Please leave me alone
Don’t you see me on the phone?
Talking to a stranger about you
I know it’s the easy way out, cool
I must admit
Your kind of thinking is attractive
I think about you twice a day, you’re a habit
I wanna kick you, not the bucket
So many things I wanna do on that list, number 15,418 you will love it
Can you at least leave me alone in public?
Especially when I’m at work
I know you think I’m only saying that because I’m an introvert
I know I ain’t nobody’s daddy but Su’
I’m somebody’s son, someone’s brother, Ant and Chh uncle
He wants to live with me and play video games
But I can’t even take care of myself, oh what a shame
They say every time somebody die a child is born
I really thought about doing it on my birthday but got a text that left me torn
Of all days my niece came into the world
And I didn’t wanna rob her of that bond on her future birthdays, just yesterday your mama was my little girl
Can you hear that you suicidal maniac?
Can you leave me alone now?
All you heard was my zodiac?
If I don’t do it the cancer will attack?
Now … why you had to go and remind me of that?
If you was a person I would call you mean
If you was a person I would call you me (And!)

Remaining posts for 2018:

  • Pleasure Bunny (December 21st @ 9PM)

  • Sidewalks of New York: Part 2 (New Years Eve)

3 Salty Reasons You Miss The Fries at the Bottom of the Bag

Leftovers from this song. What, you thought I was gonna cook you up something new? Haaa! Nah, but, speaking of that post, I want to take y’all behind the scenes of its structure. It’s in 3 parts. 3 parts that symbolize the 3 breaks you get at work. The beginning is your lunch break. Then after the chorus it’s your 15 minute break. Then the outro represents the last hour of work and finally flying out that door like you should be doing right now. It’s 5. Yeah, thought went into this. I’m so strategic you wouldn’t believe it-50 Cent

You eat out the bag

“For dine-in or take-out?” “Take out.” Half-way out the door you change your mind and sit. Do you A) Turn the bag into a makeshift serving tray by ripping one side of the bag open? Or do you B) Just eat out the bag, reaching back and forth? Choosing the latter will have you throwing away a few French fry crumbs, unless, of course, you treat the bag like a bag of chips and pour the fragments in your mouth. Be sure to shut your eyes from the salt.

The color of the napkins and the bottom of the bag

From watching fast food workers bag my items over the years, I’ve noticed they always put the napkins in the bag last. I assume this is because, say, if they put them in first they may get wet with grease stains. When I eat out the bag I don’t take the napkins out; I just move them around the bag as I pick out what I want. In the end they always end up on the bottom. Restaurant napkins are what color usually? A plain brown. What color is the inside of the bag usually? Same thing. So when the napkins are at the bottom they could be covering at least 9 fries.

You are use to being skimped on fries

With McNuggets, you know there are 10 or 20 pieces. With a Double Quarter Pounder, you know it will have two beef patties. Since there isn’t an exact number of fries that’s suppose to go in the carton, the person on the fries, and you, judge them by weight and how they look in the box. If you can see any of the white and yellow stripes on the inside they aren’t full. And for God’s sake, wear your glasses when you’re doing this or the yellow stripes will look like fries. Last thing we need is you eating cardboard. Sometimes when you do get those overflowing fries two things can happen to make you feel like you still got cheated. While they’re in the bag fries can go over the top or be pushed out the holes at the bottom of the carton. Always check the bag. At least ball the bag up when you throw it away instead of leaving as is; this way if you feel anything poking from the inside you know it’s a salty snack.

And one more thing … I do got something new in the oven for y’all. SWB? WRWK? PB3? MO? Who knows. Keep this on your stomach until then.

Big Spoon and Little Spoon Get a Room (Pillow Talk)

When you talk about bringing home the bacon you my tablespoon

When you talk about in sickness and in health “say yes” you my soup spoon

When you talk about raising our babies you my silver spoon

When you talk about talk is cheap and basic you my plastic spoon

When you talk about shit that they did you my teaspoon

When you talk about things that me squint like Asians you my Chinese spoon

When you talk about no other worm gets your fish baited you my salt spoon

When you talk about being decorated in your occupation you my souvenir spoon

When you talk about retiring from our dream vocations you my caddy spoon

When you talk about your breast I’m patient you my grapefruit spoon

When you talk about waking up to each other every morning breath smelling like “say less” you my coffee spoon

When you talk about whatever it’s always on beat with my heart you’re amazing you my love spoon

FY,
Har+new

Kiss Peace